Profile for Rachel Kramer Bussel

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Frisky Rant: My Boobs Are Not A Threat To Your Marriage

Frisky Rant: My Boobs Are Not A Threat To Your Marriage

Recently blogger Lauren of Apples and Band-Aids caused an uproar among bloggers when she wrote a post claiming that racy social media images by sexy female strangers were a threat to her marriage. To wit:

When your bare shoulders and stretchmark-less bellies and tanned legs pop up, I not only worry if my husband will linger over your picture. I worry how he will compare me to you.

As I wrap myself into his arms at night, I wonder if he is seeing you there instead of my mess of a body left over from pregnancy. I wonder if he thinks I’m lazy and that I don’t take good care of myself. I wonder if he wishes I looked more like you than who I really am.

And then the insecurity monster comes back to bite at our relationship again … me, begging for affirmation, and him tiring from saying the same thing over and over.

Keep reading »

True Story: I Prefer Small Penises

True Story: I Prefer Small Penises
Mr. Too Big
Sometimes penis size is a dealbreaker. Read More »

I wish more men were like Nick Gilronan, winner of last year’s Smallest Penis in Brooklyn contest (this year’s contest is this Sunday, aka Father’s Day). He is proud of what he’s got between his legs, so much so that he was willing to stand almost naked, wearing just a mankini, in front of a crowd and strut his stuff. He told an interviewer, “The size of a man’s penis does not matter for who he is as a person or in a relationship,” and I wholeheartedly agree. See, I prefer guys who are a little less endowed, with good reason. Firstly, the best lovers I’ve ever had have been on the smaller side, which I don’t think is a coincidence. My hunch is that because these men feel self-conscious about their size (all of them told me as much at some point), they go out of their way to make up for it, excelling at oral sex and making good use of their fingers as well as positions like doggy-style. Keep reading »

The Best & Worst Of Farrah Abraham’s Erotic Novel, In The Making (Celebrity Sex Tape)

The Best & Worst Of Farrah Abraham's Erotic Novel, In The Making (Celebrity Sex Tape)

Farrah Abraham excels at being a celebrity, if our working definition is someone who finds a way to keep themselves in the news no matter what. The former ”Teen Mom” star, singer, and tomato sauce social messenger has now parlayed her much-hyped Vivid sex tapes with porn It Boy James Deen, “Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom” and “Farrah 2: Backdoor and More,” into an erotic novel trilogy based around them. The first book, In The Making (Celebrity Sex Tape), which will be published July 1st, comes with a disclaimer at the front of the first book by publisher Ellora’s Cave CEO Patty Marks stating that it “has been carefully written, edited and proofread to ensure that the book has not revealed any actual occurrences or business practices that have not already been publicly revealed or acknowledged.” Perhaps this was a nod to the legal warnings Vivid has supposedly sent her; in the book, the porn company is called HALE’O and is owned by Schmite Hale (who has the same initials as Vivid CEO Steve Hirsch). Keep reading »

The Soapbox: Feminism Deserves Better Than “Sex-Negative Vs. Sex-Positive”

Anti Sex-Positive Feminism
rosie the riveter
On Jillian Horowitz's interview with Thought Catalog about kink. Read More »
Be Sex Positive!
Eight ways to be positive you're sex positive. Read More »
Tales Of A Kinky Feminist
bdsm
You can be a kinky feminist and flawed human being. Read More »
The Soapbox: Feminism Deserves Better than “Sex-Negative vs. Sex-Positive”

As a feminist, kinky person and sex commentator, I am the target audience for Jillian Horowitz’s xoJane essay “I’m a Sex-Negative Feminist” — and that’s exactly the point. Part of the site’s “Unpopular Opinion” series, I can only surmise that the essay, like others before it, was written largely with the intention of riling up its supposed targets rather than fostering a nuanced debate.

I’d also quibble with her quickie history lesson—yes, sex-positive feminism in part emerged as a response to anti-porn feminist activism, but it also sprang from the anti-BDSM and anti-lesbian bent of much of mainstream 1970’s and ’80’s feminism. My understanding is that sex-positive feminism was about embracing feminist ideals and furthering sexual freedom—for everyone, not just women. Keep reading »

14 Must-See Hello Kitty Destinations For The Hello Kitty Fanatic

Wanderlust Week
It's time for a vacay! The Frisky can help you find the perfect destination. Read More »

Hello Kitty was born in 1974, and since then, the beloved Sanrio character has only grown in popularity, as evidenced by the plethora of travel options that will fulfill every Hello Kitty lover’s fantasy. To read while you travel: Christine R. Yano’s cultural exploration Pink Globalization: Hello Kitty’s Trek across the Pacific and to bookmark: Hello Kitty Hell, where you will find the most bizarre Hello Kitty items you can imagine (out of more than 50,000!), from ice cubes to bullets to tooth crowns. New products abound, though; my Google Alert for Hello Kitty is constantly pinging with items like a Hello Kitty surge protector. Can’t get away? You can create your own Hello Kitty home decor with these rub-on Hello Kitty wall graphics. Note: these tips are not necessarily listed in geographic proximity, but are some ideas for how to get your Hello Kitty on around the world. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: I Lied To My Gynecologist About My Number Of Sexual Partners

Numbers Don't Matter
How many partners she's had is irrelevant. Read More »
What's Your Number?
Here's why I don't care. Read More »
Slut-Shaming Rant
silver linings playbook
It has no "silver lining." Read More »

I didn’t think I was ashamed of the number of sexual partners I’ve had in the 20 years I’ve been getting it on until I found myself filling in a number half the true total at a recent gynecologist appointment. Although I know doctors are trained not to judge, and this doctor in particular had been particularly kind, helpful and professional when I’d seen her previously, in my head, all of a sudden the number (at best an approximation as I haven’t kept an exact count in year) seemed like cause for alarm. Even if I never had to say it out loud and its size was simply one more piece of data for her to use in evaluating me, something about it made me erase what I’d typed in the online form and halve it. As it turned out, she didn’t even ask me a single thing about my number, so that fretting was for naught—except that it taught me a lesson: slut shaming isn’t just something other people do to us, but something we can do to ourselves. Keep reading »

The Soapbox: What Calorie-Obsessed Vogue Diet Mom Dara-Lynn Weiss Ignores In Her Memoir The Heavy

Weight Talk
One writer is sick of talking to women about weight. Read More »
Former Fat Kid Responds
...to the Vogue mom who put her 7yo daughter on a diet. Read More »
Open Letter To The Fat Girl
Winona pens an open letter to the fat girl. Read More »

Dara-Lynn Weiss, the woman who became infamous for writing in Vogue about putting her daughter on a diet, wants it both ways: she repeats over and over in her new memoir The Heavy: A Mother, A Daughter, A Diet, how much she loves every inch of her daughter, including her pesky belly, but then painstakingly details the lengths she went to in order to shrink it. That dichotomy surely wasn’t lost on her daughter, and there’s no telling how that will affect her in later years. Weiss’s attitude is that she had to take extreme measures to combat the extreme problem of childhood obesity, but it’s the very extremity that concerned me. I felt anxious reading it as Weiss panicked and seemed completely consumed by this project when her four foot four, 93-pound daughter was pronounced obese by her pediatrician. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: Taking A Pregnancy Test At 36

Soapbox: No Kids
Women writers without kids understand human emotions, too. Read More »
Pregnancy Test
Am I pregnant or not? Only one way to find out. Read More »
Broken Biological Clock
Some biological clocks just don't tick. Read More »

The first time I bought a pregnancy test I was 17. I’d gotten my period but was so new at the whole sex thing, not to mention paranoid, that I wanted to be sure. We hadn’t used condoms, but instead a small, see-through film that hardly seemed like it was going to do its job. I used it anyway because I was 17, and he was hot, not to mention 31, so I figured he knew what he was talking about. I wasn’t pregnant, but taking that test set the tone for every other pregnancy test I’ve taken, including one last weekend.

The biggest difference for me between taking a pregnancy test at 17 and 36 wasn’t so much the technology as the fact that I’m in a vastly different place than I was then. I know more about sex, relationships and myself, and while at 17, I was pretty sure I would get an abortion if a test were positive, now I’m almost certain I wouldn’t. I was scared, but not as scared as I’d been at 17. Another difference is that at the moment, I don’t have health insurance—bad, I know, and after this scare I’m joining the Freelancer’s Union and getting health insurance ASAP. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: Why Checking Your Partner’s Email And Phone Is Not Smart

Snooping His Profile
online dating photo
If your man still has a profile up, there's trouble ahead. Read More »
I Swore I'd Never Snoop
...but then I did. Read More »
Snooping Vs. Stalking
What's the difference between online snooping and stalking? Read More »

Recently, Jools Oliver, wife of chef Jamie Oliver, and writer Samantha Brick both proudly declared that they check their husbands’ emails and phones regularly, and credit their successful marriages in part to such snooping. Oliver said that even though she monitors her husband’s email, phone and Twitter account, “He says I’m a jealous girl, but I think I’m fairly laid-back, considering.”

While it may work for them, I would caution against following their lead. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should find out everything you possibly can about someone, even someone you’re sleeping with or married to. I know because I once read my boyfriend’s email (while using his computer with his permission) and found out he’d been sleeping with prostitutes while having unprotected sex with me, and promptly broke up with him. Do I wish I’d remained ignorantly blissful for a little while longer? Not necessarily, but it was a harrowing way to find out. With an ex, I read an email that criticized me in a way that I’ve never forgotten, and in that case, I wish I hadn’t seen it, because it wasn’t intended for me. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: I Don’t Have A Dating Checklist

The Do-Not-Date List
Guys you should avoid at all costs! Read More »
Change Your Type!
Five ways to change the type of guy you go for. Read More »
This Is Not A Date
5 signs what you're doing is not actually a date. Read More »

In the preview for Bravo’s upcoming reality show “Miss Advised,” internet personality Julia Allison boldly exclaims that she’s looking for a husband and has a 73-point checklist. When I heard that, my immediate thought was that I’ve never had a checklist, and even when I’ve set vague goals for the types of people I wanted to date, I’ve found that the universe tends to throw people in my path who are explicitly not the types I’d have said I was looking for, as if it’s testing me. Keep reading »

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