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I Am Really Not A Fan Of “Celebrity Cat Impersonator” Betsy Bushytail

Celebrity cat impersonator Betsy Bushytail
Eeeeuuughh ...

In theory, this video of “celebrity cat impersonator” Betsy Bushytail giving us her best Maru should be something I enjoy. It sure sounds like something I’d enjoy, right? But I don’t. I hate it. It’s creepy and horrible and feels like something I should not have seen, like I’ve been violated or am violating in some way. Since one cannot go about unseeing things they have already seen, the only option that remains is to go with the next best decision and share it with you. [via Buzzfeed]

The Skeevy Dudes Of Simple Pickup Motorboat For Money For Breast Cancer Awareness

The Skeevy Dudes Of Simple Pickup Motorboat For Money For Breast Cancer Awareness
Sexual Harassment For A Good Cause!

Let’s get one thing straight: I would not permit the bros behind YouTube channel Simple Pickup to motorboat me for any amount of money for any cause. That would be a resounding NO. In the name of breast cancer awareness, however, the guys managed to persuade over 100 women into allowing one of them to squeeze their breasts together, stick his face between them, and, well, motorboat ‘em.

Unlike the rest of the Simple Pickup “pranks,” which range from videos of them harassing strangers at gay-pride parades to tips and advice for “guys like you” to “get laid” (ew), this one is seemingly not only harmless, but well-intentioned: they’ll donate $20 for every woman who lets them get on in there. They made $2,080, but this clip is little more than yet another installment in the growing case of taking Breast Cancer Awareness Month and turning it into a sexualized sham that’s more about letting weird dudes grab your tits than cancer prevention, and there’s no glory in that. In fact, some of Simple Pickup’s tougher online critics call for the group to be called out by law enforcement for sexual (and otherwise) harassment. No way, man, they’re just trying to help “guys like you” to “get laid,” right?! It’s totally honorable! [The Daily Dot]

Zac Efron Gets Naked, Straps On A Dildo For “That Awkward Moment” Trailer (NSFW)

Zac Efron gets naked in "That Awkward Moment" trailer
Watch The Trailer!

“That Awkward Moment” — does a more cringeworthy name for an otherwise redeemable movie exist? (What’s that? The original title was “Are We Officially Dating?” Oh, okay, never mind then.) At first glance, it seems like little more than your standard terrible “bros party and get with hot chicks” fare, but I don’t know! This trailer is kind of charming, and it’s definitely no “Superbad.” Actually, I’m pretty sure this is a movie about guys havin’ feelings, which is weird.

Zac Efron stars as a casual dude living with his two male friends (played by Miles Teller and the always excellent Michael B. Jordan) as they all struggle to stay single. Yes, they are struggling with this. The title, I gather, is taken from “that awkward moment” in every “dating relationship” where you have to decide where it’s all going. That moment, to me, is less awkward and more like “that dry-heaving moment.” I’m gagging just thinking about it. But if all you’re looking for is some hit-it-and-quit-it visual man candy this morning, well, we’ve got Zac naked laying horizontally across a toilet for you. He later straps on a fake dick for what he thinks is a costume party. (It isn’t.) Will see! [Gossip Cop]

Your Favorite Pop Stars Get Furbified (Yes, That Means Furbies)

Your Favorite Pop Stars Get Furbified (Yes, That Means Furbies)

I am a product of the ’90s, so there was a period of time in my childhood wherein Furbies were my world. It could have been months, it could have been a year; whatever it was, Furbies are indelible in my memory lexicon. They were actually VERY CREEPY, which is probably why my parents were reluctant to purchase them for me at first, but they were beyond grateful when years later we were alerted to a catastrophic basement flood during a power outage by one of the malfunctions-when-wet animatronic creatures. Furbies may no longer be of the zeitgeist, now replaced by, like, an iPhone app or something, but in the hands of Swedish artist and big time Furby enthusiast William Källback Winter, they’ve been reborn as some of our most recognizable contemporary pop stars. Check out a few more after the jump, and more of Winter’s work at the source! [Furby Living via Huffington Post] Keep reading »

Rihanna Brings Some Serious Style To The Johannesburg Zoo

Rihanna gets a lot done in a day, regardless of whether or not a proper pair of pants is involved. Her trip to South Africa this week yielded not only a history-making performance as the youngest ever female artist to sell out the Johannesburg stadium, but also — more importantly — plenty of opportunities to pose awesomely alongside animals while hitting the local zoo with her fam. Without further ado, check out Rihanna, dressed to kill, hangin’ out with baby tigers, giraffes, giant crabs, and more … [Instagram]

This Drunken Ronald McDonald Clip Was Too Much For Adult Swim

This Drunken Ronald McDonald Clip Was Too Much For Adult Swim
The Boss Is Here!

Adult Swim, the deranged nocturnal twin of Cartoon Network, is a pleasant, hilarious reprieve from the mostly squeaky-clean nature of cable TV. The Wikipedia page cites “minimal or no editing for content,” which sounds about right: there are precious few things that are deemed too risqué or outlandish for the nightly programming. One of these things, apparently, is this clip from “The Eric André Show” of Andre as a drunken Ronald McDonald hitting up his local McDonald’s, which the network refused to air. Granted, the rejection was based not off content or legality but concern for the future of Cartoon Network’s ad sales (they have a deal with the fast food chain for Happy Meal toys) should the footage be okayed. Andre appeared on “Conan” last night and brought the scrapped video along with him, which of course Conan had no problem airing himself … [via Huffington Post]

“Charlie Countryman” Looks Salvageable Despite The Presence Of Shia LaBeouf

The first trailer for "Charlie Countryman"
Watch The Trailer!

To be honest, I hadn’t heard anything about “Charlie Countryman” that would make me want to see it, especially considering that star Shia LaBeouf both A) gives me the douchechills and B) reminds me of my ex-boyfriend. (These points may/may not be connected.) But man, I just watched the first trailer, and oh man it looks sooooo gooooood. Evan Rachel Wood is excellent with a thick Romanian accent, and even Shia seems like he may be redeeming himself as an American who falls for Wood’s musician character and follows her down the rabbit hole into a turbulent gangster-ridden underworld. Consider my interest piqued.

Flesh-Eating Drug, Krokodil, Making Its Way Across The United States

Use of flesh-eating drug "krokodil" spreads in US

We are not discussing crocodiles here, but given that even the most cursory, SafeSearch-on Googling of krokodil yields some of the most vile images you will ever see (DON’T DO IT!!!!), this stock photo of a crocodile will more than suffice. The flesh-eating intravenous drug does, in fact, get its name from the animal, as it causes a scalelike gangrene similar to the hide of the aquatic beast before progressing into abscesses and gangrene.

However, while crocodiles are kind of cute in photos, krokodil is decidedly NOT. It first rose to popularity in Russia (“krokodil” is Russian for “crocodile”) at least a decade ago due to heroin shortage, and while its main ingredient is a painkiller called desomorphine, it isn’t this component that causes the “rotting from the inside-out” effect of the drug that produces a high “three times stronger than heroin” — rather, the deadly side effects arise as a result of street chemists using codeine tablets mixed with substances like gasoline, paint thinner, or lighter fluid. Keep reading »

Jennifer Lawrence’s Boobs Look Unsurprisingly Great In “American Hustle”

"American Hustle"
Hi Jen!

Behold, the second trailer for “American Hustle,” featuring Jennifer Lawrence‘s boobs!!! Boobs — Jennifer Lawrence has ‘em, and they have a starring role in this movie, or so it would seem. Also: the 70′s, Christian Bale‘s hairy potbelly, Bradley Cooper wearing pink curlers, a goateed Louis C.K. at 1:58. WATCH. [Just Jared]

Forever 21 Cites The Philosophies Of Ayn Rand With Their “Unstoppable Muscle Tee”

Forever 21 Cites The Philosophies Of Ayn Rand With Their "Unstoppable Muscle Tee"

When I think of Forever 21, I definitely think of ethical egoism and the Objectivist movement, not sweatshop-like labor conditions and cozy accessories starting at $2.80. You can find this “Unstoppable Muscle Tee” emblazoned with an Ayn Rand quote referring to the author’s capitalist-based theory of Objectivism, the basis of which is that the moral purpose of life is “rational self-interest,” right next to the “Free Spirit Weekender Dress,” which reads “Pizza, Love, Boys, Music, Parties, Dancing, Whatever.” Pizza, love, boys, music, parties, dancing, Objectivism, whatever! [Time]

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