Rachel Krause

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I Can’t Quite Put My Finger On What The Aerial View Of This Church Resembles

Christian Scientists are not known for their sense of humor, but have a look at this bird’s-eye view of the Christian Science Society of Dixon, Illinois, and tell me that God isn’t laughing right about now. Furthermore, the congregation’s slogan is “rising up.” All of the jokes have already been made. I didn’t even have…

By: Rachel Krause / October 29, 2013

Britney Spears Is Apparently British For Halloween

Happy Halloween from Britney Spears and her Madonna-esque faux-English accent, which she utilizes to recite the opening monologue of “Thriller” while cavorting, uh, creepily alongside green-screen ghouls and graveyards. I don’t completely understand what I’ve just seen, but Bert-Bert looks conscious, which is ALWAYS a good thing. [Jezebel]…

By: Rachel Krause / October 29, 2013

Jude Law Gets His (NSFW-ish) Butt Out For “Dom Hemingway”

I always manage to forget that Jude Law is actually a terrific actor. “The Talented Mr. Ripley”? “I Heart Huckabees”? “Closer”? So good! Jude’s latest role is as the titular “Dom Hemingway,” a gangster free after 12 years in prison, trawling the streets of London to collect what he’s rightfully owed. Richard E. Grant, Demia…

By: Rachel Krause / October 29, 2013

This Fake “Lord Of The Rings” Subway Service Advisory Poster Isn’t All That Far From The Truth

Relying on the New York City subway system is sometimes like relying on a three-legged, one-eyed horse for all of your transportation needs. Trying to get from my apartment off the G train to a friend’s apartment off the L train on a Saturday evening is a trip that should theoretically take 20 minutes, but…

By: Rachel Krause / October 29, 2013

Surprise! Footage From Kanye West’s Proposal To Kim Kardashian Has Surfaced

What, did you really think footage of Kanye West’s histrionic proposal to Kim Kardashian (“PLEEEASE MARRY MEEE!!!”) wouldn’t make it to the Internet in less time than it took for us to fully grasp just how foolish it is for Kanye not to insist upon a prenup? Trick question: nobody will EVER fully grasp the…

By: Rachel Krause / October 24, 2013

Pharrell Williams, 40, Knows The Importance Of Skincare

“You have to clean your face. You can’t sit around and assume it’s going to be OK. I wash my face every day — don’t be afraid to wash yours before you go to bed! … At the end of the day, you just have to take care of your face. I’m being honest with…

By: Rachel Krause / October 23, 2013

The Kitten Bowl Is Here, And It’s Smarter, Cleaner, And More Agile Than The Puppy Bowl

The Puppy Bowl is cool and all, but there’s only so long I can watch a bunch of dogs tumbling around before I’m like, “Where them kittens at?” The Hallmark Channel must have heard my plaintive brays, because they confirmed that they will be staging a Kitten Bowl come Super Bowl Sunday 2014. (Also, they…

By: Rachel Krause / October 23, 2013

’60s Icon Twiggy Is Still Gorgeous At 64

I wouldn’t be amiss in suggesting that Twiggy is the most iconic supermodel of all time. Before Kate, before Naomi, before Cindy, before Iman, there was Twiggy, the O.G. clothes hanger. We have her to thank for the “swinging sixties” aesthetic of long, coltish legs, wide, heavily lashed eyes, and teeny mod minidresses. Unlike most…

By: Rachel Krause / October 22, 2013

Kim Kardashian’s 10 Most Kim Kardashian Looks, Rated On The Kanye Scale

After sifting through the Kim Kardashian photographic lexicon in order to narrow down these 10 most Kim Kardashian outfits ever worn by Kim Kardashian, I have reason to believe that the Internet is comprised at least 50 percent of Kim Kardashian photos. There are sooooooooo many. There are event photos, there are party photos, there…

By: Rachel Krause / October 21, 2013

Anna Wintour Is Rumored To Be Courting Lena Dunham For A Vogue Cover

Lena Dunham is just about as divisive a celebrity as they come. As seemingly harmless as she is, there’s still a faction of people, young and old, who cannot stand her. Seriously, with the way some armchair critics react to Dunham, you would think she straight-up murdered someone’s grandma’s puppy. But one thing that’s inarguable,…

By: Rachel Krause / October 21, 2013

I Am Really Not A Fan Of “Celebrity Cat Impersonator” Betsy Bushytail

In theory, this video of “celebrity cat impersonator” Betsy Bushytail giving us her best Maru should be something I enjoy. It sure sounds like something I’d enjoy, right? But I don’t. I hate it. It’s creepy and horrible and feels like something I should not have seen, like I’ve been violated or am violating i…

By: Rachel Krause / October 16, 2013

The Skeevy Dudes Of Simple Pickup Motorboat For Money For Breast Cancer Awareness

Let’s get one thing straight: I would not permit the bros behind YouTube channel Simple Pickup to motorboat me for any amount of money for any cause. That would be a resounding NO. In the name of breast cancer awareness, however, the guys managed to persuade over 100 women into allowing one of them to…

By: Rachel Krause / October 16, 2013

Zac Efron Gets Naked, Straps On A Dildo For “That Awkward Moment” Trailer (NSFW)

“That Awkward Moment” — does a more cringeworthy name for an otherwise redeemable movie exist? (What’s that? The original title was “Are We Officially Dating?” Oh, okay, never mind then.) At first glance, it seems like little more than your standard terrible “bros party and get with hot chicks” fare, but I don’t know! Thi…

By: Rachel Krause / October 16, 2013

Your Favorite Pop Stars Get Furbified (Yes, That Means Furbies)

I am a product of the ’90s, so there was a period of time in my childhood wherein Furbies were my world. It could have been months, it could have been a year; whatever it was, Furbies are indelible in my memory lexicon. They were actually VERY CREEPY, which is probably why my parents were…

By: Rachel Krause / October 15, 2013

Rihanna Brings Some Serious Style To The Johannesburg Zoo

Rihanna gets a lot done in a day, regardless of whether or not a proper pair of pants is involved. Her trip to South Africa this week yielded not only a history-making performance as the youngest ever female artist to sell out the Johannesburg stadium, but also — more importantly — plenty of opportunities to…

By: Rachel Krause / October 15, 2013

This Drunken Ronald McDonald Clip Was Too Much For Adult Swim

Adult Swim, the deranged nocturnal twin of Cartoon Network, is a pleasant, hilarious reprieve from the mostly squeaky-clean nature of cable TV. The Wikipedia page cites “minimal or no editing for content,” which sounds about right: there are precious few things that are deemed too risqué or outlandish for the nightly programming. One of these…

By: Rachel Krause / October 15, 2013

“Charlie Countryman” Looks Salvageable Despite The Presence Of Shia LaBeouf

To be honest, I hadn’t heard anything about “Charlie Countryman” that would make me want to see it, especially considering that star Shia LaBeouf both A) gives me the douchechills and B) reminds me of my ex-boyfriend. (These points may/may not be connected.) But man, I just watched the first trailer, and oh man it…

By: Rachel Krause / October 12, 2013

Flesh-Eating Drug, Krokodil, Making Its Way Across The United States

We are not discussing crocodiles here, but given that even the most cursory, SafeSearch-on Googling of krokodil yields some of the most vile images you will ever see (DON’T DO IT!!!!), this stock photo of a crocodile will more than suffice. The flesh-eating intravenous drug does, in fact, get its name from the animal, a…

By: Rachel Krause / October 11, 2013

Jennifer Lawrence’s Boobs Look Unsurprisingly Great In “American Hustle”

Behold, the second trailer for “American Hustle,” featuring Jennifer Lawrence’s boobs!!! Boobs — Jennifer Lawrence has ‘em, and they have a starring role in this movie, or so it would seem. Also: the 70’s, Christian Bale’s hairy potbelly, Bradley Cooper wearing pink curlers, a goateed Louis C.K. at 1:58. WATCH. [Just Jared]…

By: Rachel Krause / October 11, 2013

Forever 21 Cites The Philosophies Of Ayn Rand With Their “Unstoppable Muscle Tee”

When I think of Forever 21, I definitely think of ethical egoism and the Objectivist movement, not sweatshop-like labor conditions and cozy accessories starting at $2.80. You can find this “Unstoppable Muscle Tee” emblazoned with an Ayn Rand quote referring to the author’s capitalist-based theory of Objectivism, the basis of which is that the moral…

By: Rachel Krause / October 10, 2013

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