“You just don’t know how to get me off,” M. snapped.
Humiliated, tears immediately sprang into my eyes. Every guy I had dated or hooked up with had always been more than pleased with our sex life. M. had always had a problem getting and staying hard. But now that I was confronting him, he was blaming it on me. Once M. became erect, he would stay that way for a while until he lost steam and went limp. As for having an orgasm, it was relegated to a once in a while event. We would cheer as though he was a toddler who managed to make it to the toilet to pee.
In the film “Don Jon,” Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays a man who is so addicted to porn he cannot enjoy sex with a real woman. Just like the protagonist, M. watched porn every day. Scared of what the answer may be, I began to wonder, Was porn the problem? In pop culture, porn is often seen as an affirmation of masculinity. The idea of porn addiction always seemed nebulous at best, something invented by the religious right. I assumed most guys watched it from time to time, but it never occurred to me that my partner could actually be addicted to it. Until it happened to me. Keep reading »
“Excuse me, why do you have the sour bug?”
That’s what a guy once said to me in a bar. I know, I know; you’re totally swooning. If you’re a woman and you’re alive, chances are you’ve been hit on by a Pickup Artist (commonly known as PUAs), by this method known as “negging.”
I always thought of PUAs as nightclub prowlers, dressed like they rummaged through a clown’s closet, decked out in Ed Hardy, looking like a cross between Steven Tyler and The Situation from “Jersey Shore.” I often wondered, Who are these supposed women who found men donning sparkly scarves, multiple rings, and fingerless, leather gloves attractive? I imagine they are the same types of women who still think George Michael is straight. I thought of PUAs as full of canned come-ons, the smell of desperation wafting off of them like bad cologne. Their core problem, I analyzed, was lack of confidence. Common sense would dictate that secure men don’t need a script to approach women. Can you imagine Bill Clinton or Don Draper using PUA methods? I don’t think so.
As you may have deduced from my tone, I always looked down on PUAs and their slimy methods. Which is why I couldn’t stop myself from signing up for a class entitled “Pickup a 10 in the Streets of NYC.” At first I was just curious; I wanted to know what makes these guys tick. I imagined myself as a spy on a reconnaissance mission, collecting information from the enemy. Or like Sigourney Weaver in “Gorillas in the Mist,” studying the species’ every move. Keep reading »
If your love life is looking staler than that three day-old French bread you’re saving for a fondue party, you’re in luck. Your Valentine’s Day prayers just might be answered. I don’t know about you, but when I’m stuck in a rut (to quote The Darkness), I like to shake it up. That’s why I took it upon myself to talk to Bloody Mary, a voodoo priestess for over 20 years now. She’s seen it all; from crazy ass food-stealing ghosts to people losing limbs from hexes. OK, just kidding, she hasn’t seen all that. But she has seen and done enough to dish the dirt on voodoo, hoodoo, and how to invite more love into your life. Keep reading »
I grew up in a conservative Indian family. This meant anything with a Y chromosome was off limits. Don’t look at boys, don’t think about boys, don’t talk to boys, don’t even think about talking to boys. No dating, no making out, and definitely no sex. I was to be a good Indian girl, get good grades, get into an Ivy League school and marry a nice Indian boy.
All of this would have been fine if I grew up in India. But I was raised in suburban New Jersey. So my priorities as a teenager were short skirts, cheerleading, big hair, (this was Jersey after all), and, of course, boys. The only problem was I didn’t know how to approach guys because I didn’t have any proper examples. My parents got married after three dates in what was basically an arranged marriage. Clearly, they were of no help at all.
So I turned my attention to the only other sources of information I had: fashion magazines. I read every issue of Seventeen, Sassy and YM religiously in the hopes of discerning some clues about the opposite sex. Keep reading »