My husband came into the relationship with some fun sex toys, but after awhile, I decided it was a little weird to play with toys someone else had used. Any advice on how to build a sex toy starter kit I can call my own? — Using Used Goods, Los Angeles, CA
After awhile??? So you’re saying you actually used something that was INSIDE another woman? Sorry for the caps and itals, but I have a hard enough time using the same bar of soap with my roommate, let alone using a toy that was in another girl’s vag. Considering our hygienic difference, you might not be into the same sex toys I’d be into (anal beads covered with Saran Wrap). But, on the off chance you’re not super freaky, I’ve got some good pointers for you. Keep reading »
My boyfriend and I have decided to try anal, but I’ve heard it’s good to sort of ‘warm up’ first. Are there tricks to getting myself relaxed enough? I’ve heard porn stars have enemas or stop eating a day before. Do I have to go to all that trouble? What if it comes up more spontaneously? — Back Door Betty, Santa Clara, CA
Here’s a little tip about porn stars. The enema and no eating a day before anal is, I imagine, like a method actor preparing for a role. Did you hear how Tom Hanks prepared for his role in Cast Away? He literally starved himself for weeks at a time so he could actually feel like he was stranded on a deserted island. For porn stars, their butt IS that island. Yours isn’t, so don’t get so freaked out.
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“Is there a secret to being awesome at oral sex? I’m not sure if I’m doing it well, and I’m not about to discuss my technique with my friends.” — Needing Lessons, Santa Fe, NM
The real secret to oral sex that nobody ever talks about is that you have to be into it! You know how passionate you get about buying shoes or watching the latest episode of America’s Next Top Model? Put that same gleeful cheer into fellatio, and you’ll have your guy going through the roof.
With that said, there’s a few “tricks of the trade” (I totally sound like a hooker) that will spice up the average beej. My favorites, after the jump… Keep reading »
“Lots of things about my relationship are great, but the sex is vanilla — my boyfriend is weirded out by my collection of sex toys, and isn’t willing to experiment. What should I do?” — In Need Of Spice, New Orleans, LA
I think this depends on what kind of toys you have. If your collection is filled with gag-balls and strap-ons, I can’t say I blame your boyfriend for feeling uneasy. On the other hand, if all you want to do is lock him to the bed with furry pink handcuffs, there’s some room to negotiate.
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“I am dating a new guy and I want to have sex with him, but he’s extremely well endowed. If I start having regular sex with him will I stretch my vagina permanently?” — Dating Mr. Big
Unless his penis is the size of a 9 lb. baby, the answer is “no.” Vaginas have a lot of natural elasticity, and even expand with arousal. The width of a large penis is not likely to stretch your vagina any noticeable amount.
If this is an issue you’re worried about, try doing daily Kegel exercises. Kegels are like pilates for your vagina, tightening the muscles that surround the urethra, vagina, and anus. If you’re not sure which muscle to contract for this exercise, try testing it out while you’re peeing. The muscle you use the stop the flow of urine is the same one you should contract for kegels. Start with reps of 10 a day and increase as needed.
Now go have sex, my child!
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“What’s the best way to exit an awkward morning-after?” — Pullin’ The Slip in Akron, OH
Planning a hit and run? The best way to get out of dodge is usually the most obvious. Tell your boy-toy you’ve got plans. If it’s a weekday, tell him you’ve got an early work meeting. If it’s a weekend, tell him you’ve got brunch plans with your girlfriends. If you’re not into this guy, be sure you don’t sugarcoat the goodbye speech, or you could get a stage-five clinger. Try not to say things like, “I’ve got to go, but I really want you to call me.” Or, “I’ve got to run but I’d love to see what our kids would look like.” If he tries to ask for your number on the way out and you don’t want to talk to him again, use the same line girls have been hearing for years: tell him you had a really nice time last night, but you’re just getting over somebody and aren’t ready to start something new. You might break his little heart…but at least you won’t have to break your phone.
Got a burning question for our amazingly wise Nookie Know-It-All? Email it to firstname.lastname@example.org. Don’t worry, we’ll keep your deets between us.
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“Can you really not get preggers if you have sex on the last days of your period?” — Hating Condoms, Cleveland, OH
How many times have you heard an “Oops” story? Every Christmas there’s always that relative that drinks too much eggnog and says something like, “You know, Larry was a mistake. We were done having kids. We wanted to go to Bermuda.” I’m sure if Larry was a lawyer and not still living with his mother, she wouldn’t say that. But you get my drift.
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“My boyfriend put on a long blonde wig for Halloween and it really turned me on. Am I a lesbian, or do I just like Fabio-look-alikes?” — Bodice Ripping, San Francisco, CA
Funny you should ask. I’m lying in bed with my laptop (I’ve got “the cramps”) and I was just watching my boyfriend jokingly show off his legs to me. He’s honestly got the best legs I’ve ever seen (for a guy OR a girl), and now I want to dress him up like a girl and do him. Am I a lesbian?? The thought of going down on a girl does nothing for me, so I’ll take a wild guess and say no. I’ll go ahead and say the same for you. Women are just hot, and I think when we catch glimpses of “womanly” things we tend to get aroused by them. I think it also has to do with a certain “control factor.” It’s human nature to view women as submissive creatures. So when you see your boyfriend in a more volatile role (dressed as a woman), I think it’s normal to want to dominate and get turned on by the thought of it.
And no…it’s not a Fabio thing either. Unless you’re obese and have socialization issues. In which case, I’m sorry.
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“My boyfriend and I feel the need to have sex at most apartment/house parties that we go to. Is this weird? And what are some of the best ways to pull it off without getting caught?” — Party Crashing, Dallas, TX
This is kind of like my need to do a number two at people’s parties. It’s a christening of sorts. Or, simply a marking of territory. But even though I’m the resident “sexpert”, I can honestly tell you I’ve never had sex with a guy at a party. With that said, I don’t think you’re weird. I actually want to know what kind of parties you’re going to where you can find space to have sex. I live in NYC, so the parties I’m invited to usually involve a studio apartment and an oven in the closet. The closest I ever got to “doing it” was changing a tampon in the bathroom.
My advice? The larger the party the better. The larger the house the better. If you want to be discreet, go into an unoccupied room and lock the door. Worse case somebody knocks on the door and then you stop. I think if you’re having sex at parties in the first place, a part of you wants to get caught. That’s why I poop with the door open. Keep reading »
What are some easy steps to having a threesome where no one gets hurt? — Menage A Trois, Greenwich, CT
You’d think there’d be a Threesome for Dummies or Emily Post’s Guide to Entertaining Your Third Party…but alas, there’s not. Instead, you’ve got me.
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