We’ve all been there. Someone you were hot and heavy with will suddenly disappear, as if wiped from this earth, only to reappear in the form of a typo-laden text message one night while you’re doing a face mask in your sweatpants. Like that mosquito that you try endlessly to kill before going to sleep, this text irks you. Maybe you were bummed about the way things ended, and you’re considering entertaining this missive. Maybe you hate this person forever, but didn’t mind having sex with them and could be persuaded to do it again. Communication these days is so very tricky, but never fear, I am here for you. In this day and age, it can be difficult to figure out what precisely constitutes a booty call, and how exactly you should respond to it. Whatever your situation may be, you’re facing the age old question — is it a booty call or nah? Here are some situations you might find yourself in, along my expert assessment so that you might tackle these situations head on. Keep reading »
Kim Kardashian: Hollywood is a game in which a normal human being dresses themselves in a variety of hilariously tarted up clothes, changes their hair a lot and pursues fame with the same relentless zeal of The Frisky staff at a J. Crew sample sale. If you’ve been living under a rock, the game is simple. You start as an E-list celebrity, and then work your way up to the top via pointless exercises meant to enhance your personal #brand. Within the world of Kim Kardashian’s Hollywood, there is a work/life balance, just like in real life. To achieve fame, you not only hustle for your career. Dating is a powerful way to level up, earn more money, get more fans and generally achieve in life. Keep reading »
Beauty products are the one thing that I waste my money on. Give me a hundred bucks and plop me in the nearest Duane Reade, and I’m happy as a pig in shit, wandering the aisles, Googling face cream comparisons, debating the merits of serums. I love beauty products for the breathless and inspirational lies they tell. This thing will shave years off your face. This other thing will erase dark spots and get rid of wrinkles. Pat this into your delicate under eye area, ring finger only, to avoid tugging at the crepe-y skin. I love them for their promise of self-improvement, but I hate how expensive they are. This is why I have turned to the powerful hive mind of the internet, where I discovered the soft-lit, and earnest underbelly of natural, DIY beauty remedies. You see these things on Pinterest and Facebook, and while you may click and stockpile tabs, how often do you really try them? Does rubbing food on your face actually work? I was ready to do the work. Here are nine natural, DIY, blogger-approved beauty remedies — plus one store-bought hippie solution — tried and tested by yours truly… Keep reading »
Like conducting a job search, online dating is an exercise in patience, compatibility, and, sometimes, rejection. It’s not romantic, but to a certain degree, the search for a suitable partner is not unlike the job hunt. You use the internet to varying degrees of success, clicking and writing emails and then clicking some more, and sometimes, if the cards are in your favor and the stars align, you end up meeting a stranger in a public setting and make awkward small talk while wearing shoes that pinch your toes and more makeup than you would for a Tuesday. When it’s over, you’re euphoric or despondent, alternating between mapping out a future for yourself or envisioning waiting for an email that never arrives. You follow up, you wait, things usually don’t pan out. When you do find success, you realize that it came the way most things in life happen — organically, through people you know. Matched with destiny, your future trips happily towards the light.
This is the best case scenario, a situation that everybody assures you will happen, regardless of how dire it all looks. Keep reading »
Kim Kardashian’s face is a masterful work of art. Her cheekbones are always high and tight and the way the light plays off the ridges is mesmerizing. I realize that it is insane to want to look like a celebrity that has a retinue of makeup artists and humans to blot her every shiny spot away, but hey, we all have unattainable goals. Thanks to the magic of the Internet, and the brilliant minds of hundreds of YouTube beauty vloggers, Kim’s magic look can be mine. Supposedly. Keep reading »