Profile for Maude Standish

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30-Day Breakup Guide Challenge: A Little Self-Lovin’ On Day 25

Ever since I got dumped, my confidence has taken on a new level of manic that I hadn’t experienced since I realized that I had boobs and got my first massive zit on the same day. I vacillate between the first person to suggest we all strip down and jump in the ocean to the girl who hasn’t worn a bikini since 1996, at which time it was striped cotton from Gap Kids. This has had a major effect on my personal loving time. All of the sudden, I turn off the lights and hide under the sheets. My vibrator went from being a friendly reminder of my empowered sexuality to a sorry plastic accessory of my depression. Suddenly I didn’t have time to make myself pant and moan because work was exhausting me to the point of brain numbness. And you know that once you think your day job is more important than orgasmic relief, you are taking the express route to a nervous breakdown. Keep reading »

30-Day Breakup Guide Challenge: Seeing A Movie Alone On Day 24

I think that when we are part of a “couple” for a long time, we get so used to sharing experiences that everything from the coffee spilled in our lap during a meeting to ordering in Chinese is a moment that belongs to both of you. One of the hardest things of finding yourself newly single (other than the infrequent sex and the frequent bar hopping) is that you have to relearn how to experience things without sharing them with someone. Sure, it sounds easy. But if no one is around to watch you get sick from the seafood lo mien, did you even spend those hours vomiting? OK, maybe that’s not the best example. But you get my point, right? Keep reading »

30-Day Breakup Guide Challenge: Calling My Dad On Day 23


Father’s Day was a little over a week ago, but doesn’t Dad deserve a call any ol’ day of the week? As part of her 30-Day Breakup Guide Challenge, Maude gave her pops a call to shoot the breeze and discuss her future, the latter of which is decidedly more … open, now that her five-year relationship is over. As she says in her third video blog, above, when a man breaks a woman’s heart, it can be hard to separate him from the rest of the male gender, at least temporarily. Talking to Dad is a great reminder that men, for the most part, are awesome. Keep reading »

30-Day Breakup Guide Challenge: Building Something On Day 17, When A Tornado Hit My Ex’s Apartment

Yesterday a tornado hit my ex’s apartment, chewed out a section of the brick wall, swirled the red bricks all over his apartment, flattened his car, and then rained on everything he owns. As I write this, the mean cat we owned together is trapped on the 4th floor (the firefighters won’t let my ex go get him) mewing alone in the rubble. I’m not even sure how to process this. When I first heard, my heart started to race and I ran into my work bathroom and frantically tried to call him. I know we weren’t supposed to talk for 60 days, but I also knew that if I didn’t find out for myself that he was OK, my heart would continue to beat at the steady pace of “cocaine fiend about to have a heart attack.” So what am I going to do? Keep reading »

30-Day Breakup Guide Challenge: Planning A Ladies-Only Party Playlist On Day 15

On Sunday, per the suggestion for Day 14, I made eyes at a random little girl, which, yes, reminded me how great it was to be young. Do you ever feel like as you mature into adulthood, you are just becoming more and more like the person you already were when you were 5 and had older male imaginary friends named Diaper Clip and Cheese Spreader? It also was like a drop-kick to my ovaries, which have been in overdrive ever since my friends started getting engaged en masse and I was forced to see “Babies.” Literally, I’m at four engagements so far this summer, and the solstice was just this week. But anyway, on Monday (Day 15), I embraced the modern 26-year-old me and planned a lady party. Well, really a lady reunion of my best friends from college. Keep reading »

30-Day Breakup Guide Challenge: Getting A Pink Pedicure On Day 12


In her second video blog, Maude Standish embarks upon a dangerous, uncharted mission for The Frisky — her first pedicure ever. When The Frisky 30-Day Breakup Guide instructed her to “buy something pink,” she decided to play footsie, getting some pink polish painted on her virgin toes. Of course, it wasn’t as easy as that… Keep reading »

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