For 10 years, I struggled with my sexual orientation and what to call it. I searched for labels that seemed to fit me best — bisexual, lesbian, fluid, queer? I had been with my first girlfriend for over two years, but still didn’t identify as gay because I continued to be attracted to men.
When I started dating men again at the age of 26, I wasn’t really falling for any them. One night, while I was having sex with a new guy for the first time, I burst out into tears because I realized I was a lesbian.
It wasn’t the intercourse itself that made me come to this realization, it was that being with a man emotionally and physically didn’t feel right. I wasn’t emotionally capable of loving a man. I had feelings of lust, even romantic attraction to the guys I dated, but I never felt that magic spark that bring couples together. Keep reading »