Profile for Kiki T

Ask The Astrosexologist: My Pisces Man Is A Prude!

I have been dating a Pisces for four months and we haven’t had sex. He says he is going through a spiritual transformation, which includes no sex. I am climbing up the walls! I know he keeps a dream journal and in it he writes explicit dreams about ME. I do feel we connect and there’s a lot more to a relationship than sex, but it’s hard to sleep next to someone that has a hard on and is having mental sex with you. I care about him, but I have no idea when or if this phase will end. Help! – A Dried Up Libra

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For The Week Of October 13-19, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Drama is coming and it won’t be pretty. Seems something that has been brewing for a long time will reach its tipping point and all out war will break out. Although holding back comments that hit below the belt is what any mature person should do, it’s hard to be moral when you feel so wronged. Sure, it might go against karma, but a girl has to got to do what a girl has got to do.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

You’ll start to get your bearings back, as the haze clears from your mind and you’ll be able to clearly see what you have to do for you. It’s okay to get completely selfish, tell off whom have to and say what’s on your mind. If you did this in the first place, you might not be in the situation you are now — but no worries, as they say, “Better late than never.”

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Guilt blows and once you finally realize you aren’t responsible for the turn of events in your life, the real party can begin. Get ready for a new set of routines, a new lease on life, and to see that your past is not as perfect as you think. However, with this epiphany made, this makes it just that much easier to make your future the fairy tale you want it to be.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Start to consider a friend’s love advice or a set-up. Whichever the case, luck in love is coming, but it’ll take another to help you jump-start the spark. It could even be as banal as being a plus one to a party you don’t want to go to, but then wind up entrancing all the hot guys. The element of surprise is working this week, so never say never.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

The pleas for compassion will be ringing in your ear and the last thing you should do is give in. After all, what has babying anyone ever done for them? If you want to see any results with this sourpuss, it’ll mean tough love all the way. So just sit back, wait for the whimpering to die down and then swoop in to enjoy the bliss.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

As long as you have your agenda set, it really won’t matter what others say or do. Make this your rule, as this week will have you hating someone that promises way more than he can chew. While you always suspected this person was bad news, this week you’ll get your confirmation. Thankfully, at the end of the day, friends will be there for you and to help skewer him properly.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

As a work project winds down and recognition for all your hard work puts you in a celebratory mode, don’t get reckless. Sure, blow off steam, but do it in a rated PG way — as in shopping and eating excessively. If you try to spin out the thrills in any other way, regret will be waiting for you the morning after.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

You’ll be feeling the surge of lust more powerfully than ever, making you hornier than a wild boar on E. Expect endorphins to pump you up to superhero levels, giving you the power to turn out salacious scenarios of debauchery. Just one thing though, keep heat-of-the-moment promises to a minimum, as the lasting burn will sting longer than assumed.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Hectic last minute changes in plans will have you needing to think fast. The only thing you can count on this week is you can’t count on anything. While the change of pace won’t be your cup of tea, the upside is that it’ll give your baby time to miss you and at the end of the day, trust he’ll know how to kiss all those boo-boos away.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

You wouldn’t be you if you didn’t flip-flop your mind around a thousand and one times — and anyone who truly loves you should know that about you. So, as the pressure will get intense to make some decisions, do all you can to postpone it, because as fate is dictating, nothing you feel now is sustainable and if you’re forced to make a decision, choose not to make one.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

One last surge of domestic disruptions will occur and after that, you can expect smooth sailing with your honey. Seems you both just needed to work out your frustrations and once all is said and done, the results will be back to focusing on making each other happy. Only one word of caution, unless you want to be called, “Mom,” don’t forget to protect yourself.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Trying to take anything serious this week will be the beginning of your downfall. Life just won’t be moving in that direction, so best to just slip into your party dresses and hottest f’ me pump and trust the universe will clean up the small messes scattered about your life. When you need to come back to reality, the world will let you know. Until then, c’est la vie.

For The Week Of October 6-12, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

You’ll be able to separate the men from the boys this week, as riddles you’ve posed start to produce answers that’ll reveal the true intelligence of your prospects. The problem though is that the winner of this contest is most likely the one you’re not rooting for, which will mean the most important lesson you’ll learn this week is you’re more superficial than you thought. Oh well.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

The bad girl in you will be suggesting all sorts of naughty ideas that you shouldn’t ignore. Let her take charge, because she’ll find the intrigue you’re in dire need of refueling on. Despite the perfect image you want to portray, you know deep down inside you’re not a gal suitable for the general public and it’s time you owned up to it.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

They’ll be no stopping you from getting on top of things and riding off into the sunset of your choice, as the world is now kneeling in front of you, begging for you to do with it as you will. There’s no limit to your potential, so be sure to crack the whip with real authority and drive a hard bargain. Remember, there’s a reason you were born under the official sign of the badass.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

The past is going to haunt you, as hook-ups will make you ooze with nostalgia. Who knows what exactly is the cause, it might be that you actually do meet-up with a past love or something about your current one brings out your sentimental side. Whichever your case, don’t give in any further, as the long-term effects will bring complete mayhem.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Remember, it’s about quality, not quantity. So, despite friends feverishly living out their smuttiest fantasies, making you feel like a prude, revel in the fact that you’re not running to the clinic getting tested every week. Sure, your toes might be permanently curled, but consider it the nicer alternative than being consumed by psychosomatic itching and burning sensations.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

A compromising position at work may leave a bad taste in your mouth. Instead of analyzing the situation, trying to justify it, take it for what it is — total discomfort. After all, it doesn’t take Einstein to decipher a good touch from a bad one. With this said, make this your catalyst for moving to sunnier shores and take that next step in your career.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

All your best ideas will come to you while you’re going at it. Complete with feeling like a giant knot lately, it’s been ages since you’ve gotten a shag that has made you almost reach nirvana. Thankfully, this week, the universe is looking out for you and some kick-ass revelations will be vibrating through your soul and bestowing you with divine inspiration.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

The measure of your affection is the intensity of your madness. The stronger your passion, the more insane you get. This week, if you can get through all the communication mishaps, you’ll most likely be peaking at crazy levels that can get you locked-up — and everyone will be genuinely happy about that.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Home may be where your heart is, but not where you and your boo’s whole existence should be. This means, make it a priority to every so often come out for sunlight, as in prancing about as a couple and revealing to friends that you indeed do have someone in-between your sheets that is delightful, cute, of normal intelligence and not rechargeable.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Not all love affairs are the same. Some start slow, others burn out fast, and then there are those that keep you on the fence. This week, destiny will lead you to a new find, which will have you wondering if it’s a diamond in the rough or just plain rough. Set a deadline on chipping off the veneer. If a sparkle isn’t found in two weeks, cut your losses.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

You have too many responsibilities in your life than to have to deal with domestic love issues too. Instead of driving yourself over the edge about your honey’s slovenly habits, put on the rose colored glasses and mentally live out your perfect romantic fantasies. Think of it as researching a standard in which to love by, as visualizing is half the job of making it real.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Avoid any conversations dealing with serious commitment, especially cohabitation, or expect power plays to erupt and ego-clashes down to the death. To better argue your case, do it with action — as in taking advantage of the mind-blowing sex aspects you have going on and making him realize how lucky he has it already and how it could be his 24-7 if he’s man enough.

For The Week Of September 29-October 5, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Bizarre kinky curiosities will enter you mind, making you unable to concentrate until you fulfill them. Whether or not you have someone to besiege your wildest fantasies on, find a way to express them in some way. If not physical, do it mentally. Write about it, paint about it — do whatever you need to get it out. As you’ll find out, admitting it is half the satisfaction.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

You’re the sign of balance, but that doesn’t always have to entail compromising your values for the psycho sleeping next to you. Rest assure you can be the crazy one this week and get others to shift and sort their lives around yours. Even if you’re not feeling insane, exercise this power. The entertainment value and ego strokes alone will be worth its weight in gold.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

You’re not a vibrator. You don’t have to be buzzing about at a million kilowatts a minute, trying to please everything in your wake. Turn the switch to off and breathe. Don’t let yourself get ahead of the game, as it won’t do anything other than burn you out. Besides, the universe is not going to give you any more relevant news until you truly take in what you’ve got.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Feeling good and being good aren’t always one in the same. As you know and have learned more than a few times, being bad often feels the best. Thankfully, with that attitude, this week will be a winsome one for you as all the things you tell yourself you shouldn’t be doing are the things that’ll truly get you off in doing.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

A bitchy friend that lives for competition will be working your last nerve. Although there are things you still find redeemable, the list is getting shorter — but fighting back passive aggressively isn’t going to win you any points. Instead, dominate with action, like nabbing the hotter guy. That’ll inevitably put her in her place.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

If you made everyone you know accountable for every word or promise they utter to you, you’d have no friends. Take this to heart and lighten up on a love prospect that currently isn’t so smart with words. While he might fumble big time and make you want to kill, trust it’s only because he is so dumb with love that he has become so stupid in the mouth.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Consider yourself hooked if you’re Googling his name and devoting hours to finding the perfect ring tone that encapsulates your feelings. Sure, you’ll have some friends worried, but whatever, they just don’t understand unconditional love. Yes, at the end of the day it might not be healthy, but if this obsession makes you inspired and giddy, for now, that’s all that matters.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Despite what you think, gaining sympathy isn’t losing, but a sign you’re winning. Besides, trying to keep a tough veneer isn’t going to get you what you ultimately want and in time, you’ll have to put down your guard anyway. Instead of taking the long road, cut to the chase and whip out the skeletons in your closet now. Your scars will prove to be your sexiest asset.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Proving your love doesn’t mean becoming a carbon copy of the one you adore. Of course, if you want a relationship based on less than equal respect and one-sided points of view, then feel free to start your journey to becoming a Lifetime biopic. Otherwise, start asserting your will and pushing your agenda. Be half of the equation and it’ll all add up.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Jealousy and geminis don’t mix. Not only do you have two brains that can spout out demonic suggestions, but you also an army of arms and legs to carry out that chaos. To say the least, understand any sense of envy that starts to play with your mind is a sign of the apocalypse. When you feel it, be a hero and remove yourself from whatever incites it.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

You can’t deny that pretty turns you on beyond the point of being able to see straight. While this has marked your life with lovely cinematography, without a compelling story line the price you’ve paid has sometimes been hard to justify. Of course, if you want to think so deeply about hot ass that comes your way, up to you. Otherwise, don’t kick a gift horse in the face.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Power is your aphrodisiac. So, whoever is dangling on your line now, make them squirm. Chances are he’s just a chew toy anyway, something to clean you teeth with until something worthy arrives. Feel free to be as bad as you want to, as it’s imperative you exercise your muscles to keep them in top form, because when the real thing comes along, you’ll need all your strength.

For The Week Of September 22-28, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Money is the #1 issue that breaks up most couples. However, if there’s anything that you hate, it’s being a statistic. Time to bite the bullet and put your thinking cap on. Solutions to creating a strategy are looming around your head. Focus and you’ll see. The one caveat though: bagging your ego, as success is only possible if you implement subtly and have him think it’s his idea.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

With love tingling all your hot spots, there’ll be no words to articulate what you’re feeling. Thankfully, as mercury starts to retrograde on the 25th and throws your communications into chaos, it’ll be best to let actions speak for you, to ensure your message is clear — and in libidinous lounge wear and whip cream only a moron will misinterpret you.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

If you find yourself trying to negotiate yourself into feeling more, to hype yourself over some anonymous semi-hot person that you’ve just met, stop. Venus, the love planet is in your sign and sexier options are coming, but not if you waste time. Keep the flow going; something will give. Besides, when has settling ever been worth your time or any self-esteem?

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Your instincts will be a mess and friends will all have differing opinions. What is a girl to do? Sit back, let it all unfurl and trust you’ve put in enough action. If the resolution that eventually unravels doesn’t feel right, you’ll have your answer. Yes, being patient isn’t your favorite thing to do, but with all the practice this year has brought, at least you’re getting better at it.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Your horny devil will be out in full force, get a chaperone if you don’t want trouble. Otherwise, you might find yourself in bed with the wrong person, as in a friend that has always had a crush on you that you never had sexy feelings for, or someone that’ll make you feel a shame so deep, you’ll want to staple yourself shut. With that said, be vigilant over your excess.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Love and all that it entails will be the least of your cares, as it’ll be your ambition that’ll make you hot. After all, work is the one place in your life you can see solid results. Of course, one inevitably feeds off the other and while you might not be expecting any sexy thrills, your power will unavoidably make you a magnet for XXX adventures.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Whoever is pulling at your heartstrings may be the best in bed, the hottest piece to hang from your arm and the most charismatic being you’ve ever met. However, if he’s not feeling the same about you, pouring more worship onto him isn’t going to help. Curb your enthusiasm and sort out the equality in your pairing now or doom yourself to the lowly position of fan club president.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

When it comes down to it, you may not think your baby is as bright as you wish and certainly, he could never be as brilliant as you. Nonetheless, he has his good points, and for that you can praise him. Of course, if all you think you can get is a pea-brained sweetie that can get hard on demand, then really, what is that saying about you?

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Responsibilities can take a back seat, as love consumes every morsel of your being, making you delirious to anything other than your one and only. While you might stop to question your sanity for a half a millisecond, the force will be too powerful to refuse — so don’t. Besides, what wrong could ever come out of multiple orgasms?

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Options will spring from every corner, making you’ll feel like a kid in a rated X candy shop. Sure, the deluge of sweets may lead to a massive case of rot, but in every piece is something nutritious and if you examine carefully on what serving sizes are healthy, you’ll find that at the end, you’ll get all the nutrients you need.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Avoid listening to any of the opinions relatives spew to you this week, especially regarding love. Instead, trust your own instincts, even if you know you’re walking into a fire. Fate is upon you and there’s no turning back. Enter your destiny and take in the thrills as they come. Any other way will only leave you with regret, and god knows they’ll make lonely nights even colder.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Trauma on the home front is going to be inevitable, as those passive aggressive ways of you and your boo get explosive. They’ll be no more taming down aggravations and breaking out all the heavy artillery talks is inevitable. Of course, being that you’re both so thorough, after much deliberation a resolution will come and then so will both of you.

For The Week Of September 15-21, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

The ax will fall and your patience ends. Whatever new or old piece you’ve been cozying up with will start to lose his luster as reality seeps in. Where your mood will go, god only knows. The situation: a 50/50 chance of taking on a challenge to make the spectacular happen or an all out agony that’ll have you screaming for mercy.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Excuses come pouring in, trying to incite some sort of sympathy from you and although you’ll want to give whomever this head-case is the benefit of the doubt, your instincts will be tugging at you to think again. No matter what you do, don’t question yourself. Your inner voice will be on point — not only in straightening out your love life, but boosting your career too.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Control is your drug. Try all you want, but if you don’t try to detox from it, the more frustrating your life will get. Understand this isn’t your time to be in the driver’s seat anyway. Get your ass into the passenger’s side and enjoy the scenic views of your life that are happening now. Otherwise, if you don’t appreciate what you’ve got, you will get no more.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

You’ve never been one to follow rules, except to break them. So, as you seem to sink deeper into a situation you know is wrong for you, use all your discipline you can muster up and pull out while you can. If it’s meant to happen, he’ll need to come after you with a grand gesture of love. However, don’t hold out for a miracle.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Whatever you don’t have the guts to say on purpose will somehow fly out of you mouth and really get the action happening in your current state of affairs. When it happens, the skies will open, the sun will be throwing rays of light at your feet and angels from up above will start strumming their harps. To say the least, hoorah!

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Second guessing yourself is a drag. Even if you screw up, making decisions with conviction is hot. So, whatever you have put out there in the ether, accept it, stand by it, and take pride in it. Even if you do have some uncertainty about it, trust that destiny has your back and will lead you onto the right path. After all, when did, “Ummm…I don’t know?” ever sound sexy?

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Being agreeable doesn’t make you more likable. If you don’t feel confidant to say what you really think, feel and need to that special someone, it’s a red flag. Comfort is key to a healthy relationship — however, all is not lost. To dive right in, reveal a skeleton in your closet. If that doesn’t make him see you differently, then perhaps it’s time to see him differently.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Old habits die hard, and thankfully for you, you love big doses of drama. Not to say it’d be easier, but it’d be more effective to dump one of your nasty routines now and start turning over a new leaf of some sort. Trust that although you might love your pesky little problem, it’s a crutch you’ve outgrown.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

We don’t live in a perfect world. Although it’s nice to think you can be friends with someone after doing the nasty and tried to get it on emotionally with, think again. After all, if it can’t be cool after something as intimate as sex, do you really that friendship would be worth it? Spare your efforts for something more productive, like watching TV.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

It’s a dog eat dog world out there and you have to use everything you’ve got to get ahead. This week, it’s your show-stopping ways of taking over a scene and making it your own. Worshipers will be out in droves to coo at your feet. Feel free to enjoy the NSA excess, as you’ll also need to pump up your ego for a blast from your past heading your way…

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Your romantic nature is pure sweetness, but no one is going catch your vibe through osmosis. Of course, if you take the reins and set the ball in motion with your latest catch by setting up the dates you want and starting the conversations you want, you’ll get what you wish. Seriously, just because you have to be the top won’t make it any less magical.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Life gets great as your sex life make a sharp turn to the left and introduces you to a whole new world of turn-ons that has you realizing you’re way kinkier and skilled than you knew. Cash in your personal days, invite people to join in, throw all the caution to the wind, etc. To say the least, epiphanies will be happening and sexual awakenings will rock your world.

For The Week Of September 8-14, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Your love life will start to brew subtle hints of cosmic revival. Sporadic lucky moments will show you that the last few months of turmoil were not for nothing. Just don’t run before you can walk, because pacing will be your key to being able to see the bigger picture and aiming your affection in the right direction.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

No one said success was easy. While you’ve been able to cruise on charm, classic good looks and a mad sense of style, you’ll find at this level that haters aren’t just hiding away and envying you, but out and about, setting up traps to try to take you down. Don’t worry; karma is on your side, helping you to expose these frauds and once again proving you’re the sexiest bitch on the block.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Kicking your inner demon’s ass has made you who you are. While most underestimate you on first glance, don’t let that get you down. Whatever, if they can’t see upon first glace the wondrous glamour and intense magic that is you, forget it. Trust shortsighted people aren’t ever going to be tall enough to reach your g-spot anyway.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Start drawing the line between the professional and personal, as your worlds are melding into one and throwing you off your game. Not like you have to make any big announcements, more so doing inner work on yourself and deciding what your priorities are. Of course, being the fly-by-the-panties kind of girl you are, at the end of the day, who knows what will really transpire?

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

If you find yourself censoring yourself to adapt to another, time to rethink the whole situation. If you start editing yourself now, who knows where you’ll end up? You’ve seen this path of destruction happen before, people pleasing a little too much and soon enough not even recognizing yourself. As they say, “Time to check yourself before you wreck yourself.”

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Justice will prevail and karma will give you a front row seat to the demise of an a-hole that’s done you wrong. Of course, being that you’re famous for not being one short on compassion, expect to be the person he calls to bail him out too — but remember who he is and don’t let yourself get dickmatized all over again. (Like it was even that fun the first time around?)

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

All your stellar pumping and grinding has won you a badge of honor, sealing your reputation as a premier lover in gold. With this said, you’ve earned the right not to have to lay yourself down for any more neophytes, thinking they’ll catch up to your level of skill. So, when you instincts tell you that watching TV would feel more fulfilling than the sex, pay attention.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Your tendency to find the sweetest boys to love and corrupt senselessly is getting to be a tired mess. After all, how many times will you have to get on top and show them how it’s done? Yes, it’s been a thankless job, but finally a reward is coming. Tables will turn in your current state of affairs and where you’ll wind up will blow more than just your mind.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and no matter how funky you think of your friend’s latest hook-up, curb your judgment. While her choice might not be the easiest on the eye, he’ll most likely be sweeter than honey when it comes to all other categories. No matter, once you get a peek at his hot-as-hell-friends, you’ll likely fall in love too.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Consistency isn’t your strong point, but if you want to that special someone to take you seriously, you’re going to have to lay it on the line and back it up with action. Show off your intensity and let him feel the fire. Once he feels the heat, you can bet they’ll be no turning back for him. Of course, with you, who knows? That just might be when you realize the chase is the tastiest part.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Expect the pressure to get intense, as your boo raises the stakes and starts making bigger demands on your time and space. While you thought his territorial affection was cute early on, now it’s becoming a buzzkill. So, what to do? What to do? Obviously talking to him isn’t working or asking for space. Is it time for something extreme? Um, yes.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

A new hot neighbor or acquaintance arrives to set your loins on fire. Oddly enough, he’ll leave you temporarily speechless, as this one will have you feeling out of your element. Perhaps he might be semi-attached or rather detached. Whichever the case, admire him from afar for now and dig for the dirt. Doing your homework will prove more interesting than the actual catch.

For The Week Of September 1-7, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Life is a big pain in the ass. Just when you hit your groove, fate swoops in and gives you something else to ponder. What to do? What to do? Break routines and shake it up even more. No matter what curve ball comes your way, be the HBIC and turn your world on its back and do it like a pro.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Your tastes are impeccable, your attitude sublime and your stride infallible. There’s nothing out of your reach. So, as the object of your desires start to act as if he’s on crack, this means time to set things straight. Don’t let all your hard work go to waste, as it’s about to pay off. However, if you want that prize, it’ll mean claiming your trophy.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Unexpected good news arrives, making your head spin and your body juicy with delight. Chances though it won’t be love related, but it won’t matter. Any hoorah that’ll tingle you in places you haven’t been dazzled in ages will be all you need. Use this deluge of good cheer to raise your momentum in those other areas of life lacking gusto; it’ll be your Spanish Fly.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

A sudden rage of attraction hits, but it’ll be a friend or someone close to a friend that’ll be your target. With too much on the line, it’ll mean having to be a bit more pragmatic than your usual hurried humping ways. This could mean letting time pass to see how you truly feel, as perhaps this could be a horny haze, or actually feeling it out before mounting.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Getting ahead will be consuming your life, leaving you no time to quell all your desires. Lucky for you, your two worlds will start to collide and something will heat up due to a work related venture. While it might not be the most monumental love affair or even one that goes beyond psychological, these days, you’ll have to take what you can get.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Your eccentricity is your hotness and the more you show it off, the hotter you’ll make some other quirky turkey shriek back with passionate fervor. It’s all about going your own way now and really not giving a f’ about what others say, think or feel about you. Ya, it’s a total cliché to say own yourself and feel the love, but seriously, this week it’ll actually get you some.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

If you want to play it fair, hold back your confessions, ideas, feelings and whatever else you have to give to that special someone. Time to give him the reins, let him open up to reveal something intense and show that he actually wants to invest something emotional in you. After all, when it comes to launching relationships, realize the all work and no play method is ineffectual.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Stop obsessing on whom you’re sleeping next to or whom you want to get on top of. Things of those nature shouldn’t be busting your brain right now, as it won’t bring any results anyway. Let it all go. Instead, focus on your own well-being, as in balancing yourself with all your other non-xxx vices. Peace of mind is the only thing that’ll feel good in-between the sheets for now.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Life will be flowing in an orderly fashion, so no worries for you to stress over. To take full advantage of this moment, let loose and let it go. Instead of lifting your finger, reach for the whip instead. Your honey is out to please and the faster you can thrash him into shape, the quicker you’ll be able to realize being you is magic — and he’ll also agree too.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Hold onto your patience, as it’ll get tested over and over this week, as you get emotionally flung throughout the psychological spectrum, making you aggravated and enchanted. Yes, expect to experience a little bit of everything that turns you on, off, and out, leaving you to feel (for better or worst) what you love best: curious.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

This won’t be one of those easy weeks, which will bode well for your love life, as in getting all those questions answered about your latest paramour. As you know, it’s only in major distress that you can see the true character of those around you. So, when sh*t hits the fan this week, know the first thing to kick into gear is the truth in your “relationship.”

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Your exhaustion will catch up to you, making your techno gadgets your best friends in getting off — as in dirty talk, pics, text, emails and whatever else you’ve got to digitize yourself with. After all, with an imagination as rich and as forceful as yours, who cares if you’re in your grubby period panties, worn out pjs and mud mask? It’s the thought that’ll count.

For The Week Of August 25-31, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Strange intuitive feelings signal messages to you all week, but it won’t be until the 30th when real clarity comes with a sense of direction. Until then, keep all your accusations and plans to yourself. If you truly want to make a statement with your words, timing will be essential to getting your point across.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Making finite decisions isn’t quite your thing. You like going with the flow, having things work out naturally or fade on cue. While you dream of this Utopia, you’ve rarely found it ever come to pass. This week, thank god, the universe is finally listening to all you have to say. Dream a little dream and shazam; your wish is its command.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

It’s going to be of those rated PG weeks where you’ll get to recover who you are in a platonic sense and stop worrying about the sexual piranhas swimming around you, trying to f*** up your mind. As the sign of sex, your vixen act often overwhelms and can blind onlookers. Hello, there’s more to you than being a hot piece of meat and it’s about time others got a peep beyond the guise.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

What comes around goes around and finally you get a taste of sweet revenge as juicy news of an ex who has done you wrong arrives. Unfortunately, the flavor won’t last too long and other obsessions will be calling you elsewhere — as in lucky you, career luck strikes and will save you from yourself just in time.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Sex is one of your favorite methods to unwind and god knows you need it often. Just don’t forget, as work stress comes down harder this week, your trusty escape is also a person and showering some tenderness in return will go a long way. Not to add more pressure to your life, but seriously, it only takes one minute for a good cuddle.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Your sense of logic continues to be askew, pushing your mad obsessions and crazy idealism into a realm beyond fantasy. At the end of the day, sure, this may be a little harmful and unproductive — but with nothing else to motivate you to get out of bed, use whatever inspiration you can. In time, you’re a smart girl; you’ll work yourself out.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

This is your time to love and be loved. Any other thoughts, other than hedonistic ones, banish from your mind. This is when balance, harmony and fulfilled expectations should be lighting up your life. Sure, you might have to get stern with your demands here and there, but all in all, this week will have you loving being you.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

It sucks to have to play the master and servant game, especially when you’re stuck being the one on the bottom. However, when it comes to long-term goals, you’re going to have to put yourself in that compromising position and show off your versatility. If anything, consider this yet another one of your hidden talents and give yourself a pat on the pack for all your mad skills.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

It’s good to be you, as this week is one of your luckiest times of years to get some. Break out the fishnets and watch the magic unfurl. If you’re single, be more daring in your flirtations and call out a worthy match. If you’re hooked-up, fly off into the sunset by sharing everything you feel, think and want. You know it; this isn’t any time to be shy, as subtly will work against you.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Growing frustrations over your inability to get anyone to understand you comes to an end, as this irritating month winds down and starts swinging the universe onto the side of your libido and making you careless about anything other than getting laid. Luckily, some good conversation is also into the mix. After all, you’re not totally superficial.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Mixed messages are no fun. One day, you feel like you’re in paradise; the next day, you’ll want someone in particular to burn in hell. To say the least, this week will have you wanting a narcotic drip, as the frustration at times will feel unbearable. However, knowing this all in advance, you can always take up the option of free will and ignore all incoming calls post good news.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

The sure test to know if someone really gets you is if they can call you out on your bull and put you in your place, a place where you actually consider their plan of action due to an edge of fear. After all, if they can control your mind with their words, you can only imagine what they can do to your body. Yes, consider yourself done in for, at least for this week.

For The Week Of August 18-24, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Your booty will be in high demand. Expect the calls to pour in, but think rated PG rather than rated R — as in career opportunities, ones that’ll relieve your thoughts of an eternal poverty and lift you to a whole new financial stratosphere that’ll put you in tune with a savage lifestyle where everyone becomes expendable if they can’t satisfy. You know it, pure excitement.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Being the sign of justice is no walk in the park and you can concur that nice gals often finish last. However, you’ve learned the bottom can have its rewards too and at the end of the day, you’d live no other way. With this said, if you can do it, is there any reason others can’t? No. Remember this before making excuses for yet another a-hole that tries to stomp on your pride.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Before you go rushing into another torrid love affair that gives you lots to gossip about, but nothing to cuddle with on those lonely nights, remember you can have some sense of discipline — then try enforcing some on yourself. Yes, as chemistry sparks midway through the week, trust that fanning the flames will get things hotter than running into the fire.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Career recognition will be at an all time high. Friendship satisfaction? Another high scorer. Love life? Less than stellar and not looking like it’s got any life coming to revive its dismal circumstances. Sure, that might be a sucky attitude to have, but this week, being a realist will save you much time and energy that you otherwise would have forced yourself to expend.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Get on your high horse and ride off into the sunset. The more extreme your ideals, the better —and who cares if you do have illusions of grandeur? Whatever your desire, indulge in it senselessly and intensely. After all, if you don’t try out all extremes of your dreaming, how else will you ever find a happy medium?

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Listening is your sexiest asset this week. Although you’ll have tons of opinions to spew to your one and only, hear him out and follow his cues. The more aware you are of his mindset, the better you can drop your suggestions in and have him pick them up as if he’s smart enough to think of them on his own — and with his confidence back at level ground, expect to reap the rewards.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

As painstakingly careful you are about deciphering your object of desire’s mixed messages, there’ll be something that just won’t add up. You can try and try, ask from various angles and/or investigate behind the scenes, but it won’t matter, as that missing piece doesn’t exist yet. If he’s going to feel it, he’ll let you know. Otherwise, sorry to say, the power just isn’t in your hands.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

The last thing you’ll have any desire for are emotional entanglements. Your attitude will be: go in, get the job done and be on your way. Efficiency is your main concern and you’ll be in prime to stay detached. However, you know what they say, “Love happens when you least expect it.” Yes, anticipate somewhere deep inside your cold heart to spring a warm fuzzy feeling this week.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

You’ve always been a late bloomer and this summer proves the point once again, as it’s only now that things finally start to heat up in the love department, spinning drama of the delicious kind. Not only will there be various choices to choose from, but also most will be worthy of consideration. Don’t kick this gift horse in the mouth; they really are too good to be true.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

If only the hot ones could keep their mouths shut, there’d be a lot more long-term attraction on your part, but due to your ADD way of lusting, the dumb ones can’t last. This week though, perhaps hanging with the vapid is slowing you down or you’ll be easing up on your IQ standards, because when it comes to romance, there’ll be a brighter light at the end of the dim tunnel.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Is there no end to your fickleness? Just as you seem to hit your groove with a new plaything, in comes your paranoia to ruin the day. Sure, some of your distresses might have some cause for pause, but at this stage of your game, do you really need to be so serious? No. Love the moment, because when the party does end, if it does end, it will be blaringly obvious.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Listen to what your friends say if you truly want to find happiness honesty. Admit you don’t always have the right answers, tending to always be too sympathetic to the wrong person. If you want a fair deal, let others guide you to that solution. Yes, it might be a little painful, but you’ve never been one to avoid a little pain for pleasure.

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