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For The Week Of January 5-11, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Friendship dramas will make you shut yourself off from the world, but don’t lock the door on everyone. There’ll be one person that’ll make being behind closed doors worth your while, as that nesting mode sensation will kick in for both parties, giving you a glimmer into what tomorrow could bring.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Finally, some passionate romance comes back into your life and makes you feel like a girl again. Having to play the nursemaid, best friend, drinking buddy and all those other sexless roles have brought you to the breaking point, but payback time arrives just in time. Now, time to savor the luxuries of work well done.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Think glamorously and realize the world is your oyster. When it comes to your imagination, dreams and future lays, practice locally, but break out the magic globally. Yes, give yourself something to look forward to and sign yourself up for a foreign adventure. You’ll find that changing up your scene will be just the thing to jog your libido and confidence back into form.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Surprises are in store when intense talks break out with you and your baby. Intimacy will be shooting up a few more flights and taking you on a whirlwind tour of his psyche closer than ever imagined. While the breakthrough in communication will be just what it takes to bring you both onto the same page, it’ll also be what the missing piece that’ll make your sex life explosive.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Money luck is coming and it’ll help you and your baby allay some of your woes. As sudden opportunities appear, it’ll mark a new phase for your relationship. Of course, nothing comes too easily, as they’ll definitely be friction in how you both want to handle the situation. Thankfully, the tension will be just the aphrodisiac to make sex just a little bit more exciting.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

On January 6th, Jupiter, the biggest planet in the solar system and the planet of luck will enter into Aquarius for an entire year. This is something that only happens ever 12 years — equaling a turbo boost of karmic power and privilege and it’s all for you. This means getting your act together, aiming your targets for what you want in life and taking the helm as HBIC.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

You’ll be so over the same dumb, but cute, freaks that turning into a hermit will seem seriously appealing. While that’s a bit too extreme, taking a little time out isn’t. Consider this the perfect lead into your most positive soul searching mission, as sorting out the information you have to put the pieces together and form your bigger picture will be clearest now.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Your friends are on your side. If they have any suggestion on whom to hook you up with, go for it. Even if it’s obviously not true love forever, it’ll put you in the right mindset to draw in more. If anything, think of them as practice balls, and with enough, you’ll eventually get the hang of when to call it a game faster or recognize a good match.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

When it comes to heated discussions between you and your boo, you’re going to have to take the high route. Accept that a standstill may be the best outcome, let bygones be bygones and move on. While silent grudges will take time to wear off, at the least, appreciate you have a man with some backbone. Otherwise, love with a balless twit would bore you to tears.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Shooting off your mouth has brought you tons of trouble in the past. However, this week starts a new day for you. Yes, finally, the universe will be on your side, as the more absurd and uncensored your talk; the more it’ll be music to some cute little quirky turkey’s ears. Yes, loud trash talking is your call of the wild, use it wisely.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Nobody is going to mess with you this week, as you’ll be in your cool and confident mode. Get ready to take on a big decision about your relationship and steer your life to be where you want, with or without your current partner. This is your take-no-prisoner moment. Be willing to be open to his ideas, but not in lieu of your agenda.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Something inside you will snap and you’ll see that you’re being way too compassionate in your relationship, causing you to a sudden bout of tough love and a touch of cruelty. Call it passive aggressive payback or strategy, either or, it’ll work and you’ll find that what you’ll get is sweet victory.

In Bed With … James Franco

Born: April 19, 1978, Time Unknown, Palo Alto, California
Sun Sign: Aries
Ascendant: Unknown
Moon: Virgo
Venus: Taurus
Mars: Leo Keep reading »

Ask The Astrosexologist: Capricorn With Cold Feet

I’m a Capricorn girl (moon in Pisces, Venus in Sagittarius, Mars in Libra) who’s four years into a long-distance relationship with a Sagittarian guy (moon in Cancer, Venus in Capricorn, Mars in Virgo). I think we both feel a sense of being drawn to the other, but this long-distance situation has taken a big toll on me emotionally. My biggest problem is that I have such a hard time trusting him and believing his motives are genuine. My dad (Aries) was a philanderer so my natural cynicism and disbelief that men can truly love and be happy with one woman is quite high. Sag guy makes an effort to listen to my doubts, learn to communicate better through words, and let me know how important I am to him. I think I love his freewheeling Sag ways when we’re together, but feel some concern over them when we’re apart. Keep reading »

For The Week Of December 29, 2008-January 4, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Let loose and have your baby show what he’s got, as in taking the reins and being in control. Although he’ll take a different approach than you, making you initially wonder about his abilities, have faith. In store is a surprise that’ll have you feeling as if you’re the smartest, hottest and most romantic couple in the world.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

You have such a pleasant way about you that even when you bite off more than you can chew, others somehow find forgiveness in their heart to not even express an iota of irritation towards you. This week, when you do it again, know you’re playing the devil. Do try to say, “No,” when you can and save yourself from dealing with hell.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Being “accidentally” outted on one of your secrets by someone close to you will make you want to kill. However, going the violent route isn’t going to win you as much bliss as much as staying civil and using guilt as your weapon to slowly gut the offender and anyone else involved. After all, accidents can happen on two-way streets.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

There’s no reason to have to get specific about anything in regard to matters of love, sex and relationships. You are under no obligation to have to lay down any detailed commitment, as being vague will do. After all, painting a bigger picture will do far more for inspiring another than trying to haphazardly fill in the dots.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

With the new year here, time to see if your boo is really going to put his money were is mouth is, as all those promises he made have reached payback day. If he isn’t making the moves to ensure his words, time you start enforcing your deadlines. However, don’t be cruel, be tantalizing, as it’s the tease that’ll get your ultimatums met.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Your latest will inspire all sorts of sexy ideas to crawl to across your mind, making you one hot bed of smut. Thankfully, you’ll also be totally impatient and want what you want, when you want it — which is a fun change of events from your usual methodical methods. This time, the ride you’ll be giving will be so legendary; they’ll want to name a coaster after you at Six Flags.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Your tastes are impeccable, at least superficially speaking. However, this week, cue into something deeper. With choices that pop up now, there’ll be more than meets the eye and while the obvious will hypnotize, fight it. Realize the more intriguing and hotter match is beneath a more unique package.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Just when you think you’re onto the right path and that life will unfold in a manner you can comprehend and accept, in comes fate to test you. Yes, in blows a blast from the past that’ll make you curious. However, the story always ends the same — badly. To get a full recap, confer to your friends and have them intervene. They’ve seen it all and don’t want to see it again.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Remember, you‘re the sign of patience, so don’t rush it with a new prospect. Clear your mind of what you think you should be showing off about yourself and relax. Let him do the show-and-tell. You’re in prime position to sit back and enjoy the show, as pushing it to go faster and not taking time to develop a friendship first will result in awkward sex.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

You’ll hear many promises made by your boo and all of which will sound too fantastical to even consider. However, surprises will come from strange circumstances, so strap on your suspension of disbelief and go with it. It’ll be the sexiest thing to put on this week, even if only for 15 minutes.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Your eyes will be bigger than your vagina, as hotness overload happens and they’ll be too many scrumptious bodies floating near your life, making you want to eat them all up. Luckily, your negotiating skills will be sharp and you’ll have a nice way you can finagle keys numbers into your pocket. However, what happens from there might be more talk than action.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

You’ll be getting some headway when it comes to discussing logistical issues with your baby and dealing with those day-to-day tasks that cause petty arguments and somehow build up resentments. This is your week for the breakthroughs and getting it all back to mushy-mushy land, where everything he does will feel golden once again.

In Bed With … Brad Pitt

STAR STATS
Born: December 18, 1963. 6:31 a.m., Shawnee, Oklahoma
Sun Sign: Sagittarius
Ascendant: Sagittarius
Moon: Capricorn
Venus: Capricorn
Mars: Capricorn Keep reading »

Ask The Astrosexologist: Can A Scorpio & A Virgo Find Love Online?

I have been emailing and talking on the phone with a man across the county who I met through a group online. His birthday is 9/10. I was born on 11/15. We get along great, enjoy the same things and I’ve developed very warm feelings for him. He says he looks forward to meeting me, as we are both traveling to meet with other members in our group next year. But I sometimes get mixed messages from him, which makes me sad, since we have been communicating for six months everyday. Then he will call me, even if I don’t call him. Do you see a romance developing? – A Drowning Water Sign Keep reading »

For The Week Of December 22-28, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

As long as you’re in party mode, nothing will go wrong. This is your time to let loose and free yourself. If this means getting wasted and fessing up to your crush or spilling the beans to your baby on your nasty fantasies, go for it. The outcome will be better than expected. Taking chances will bring you just rewards, so play the game and win those prizes.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

With the new moon and sun happening in your family sector, this will give you the best luck when it comes to dealing with the crazy relatives. If this includes bringing your baby home to meet the parents or vice versa, it’ll go swimmingly as the whole idea of being one cozy little clan will happen better than you possibly could imagine.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

If your holidays entail a short trip, then color yourself happy as good times will come your way in the form of new and interesting types crossing your path, offering lots of worthwhile conversation and charming flirtations. While they might be more of the fleeting variety, they’ll be enough to be a nice warm Yule log roasting in your open fire.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Don’t underestimate the power of wealth. If your sweetie isn’t spending the cash literally or metaphorically on you this holiday, take it as a bad sign. Sure, there is a recession going on, but if your present underwhelms, it’s a direct translation of his feelings. After all, thought, care and sentimentality are free and priceless.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

This is your time to hop on top of any pressing matters that have been stressing you out and ride that sucker into your control. This will give you the biggest feeling of satisfaction you’ve had in a long time, as enthusiasm to be in the moment will return and that feeling of joie de vivre sparkles in your once again. Reward yourself with new f*** me shoes.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Holiday madness will force you to want to retreat and go into soul-searching mode by the end of the week. Seems the barbaric ways of the people around you will be inducing you into a subtle coma that’ll have you needing private time to recoup for the second round of cheer. Avoid the guilt, as you’ve put in your penance. Yes, you’ve earned your freedom of hermitdom.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

It’s going to be all about the love you give others, which might wind up being a little thankless early on, but chances are a surprise is coming for you that’ll prove that all your nurturing and nagging has paid off as someone close to you will be giving you something you’ve always wished and dreamt of.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Your fame is on the rise, but don’t let it go to your head. Not to say you don’t deserve all the accolades for a job well done, but not if this means taking on a snotty attitude because that won’t fly well with your honey who will be more than willing to take the role of authority and spank you back into your place. Of course, with such a firm hand, it’ll be a punishment that’ll please.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Expect one of those legendary holidays that deepen you and your boo’s bond, elevating your relationship to a more spiritual level that’ll have you feeling like you’ve been slipped a ruffie. Cast your apprehension aside, as all the doubts and questions you have in your mind will magically get their answers as the rest of the year unravels.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Lucky devil, your house of sex is lighting up big time. It seems a new man is about to come into your life to shake your feathers in a way you’ve never quite had before, bringing out a more intimate side to you that has you feeling more intense. You know it, this mystery man will be a chock full of surprises, ones that can even make you blush.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Your relationship’s commitment factor will be your major focus, as big decisions are coming down to the wire. Yes, this is going to be one of those make or break moments that’ll have you feeling the pressure. Luckily, the chances are it’ll be sweet and perfect, so make sure you have the full on hair and make-up happening because these moments will be Kodak moments.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

All your vices will be wearing thin, making you feel exacerbated by the old ways and ready for a change. Call it your own X-mas Carol moment, but something will jog your mind, throwing you into a future tense mode and forcing change. Yes, sudden break-ups and breakdowns are expected, but at the end, you’ll be victorious.

In Bed With … Fabrizio Moretti

STAR STATS
Born: June 2, 1980, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Sun Sign: Gemini
Ascendant: Unknown
Moon: Capricorn
Venus: Cancer
Mars: Virgo Keep reading »

Ask The Astrosexologist: Should I Wait Around For My Cancer Man To Commit?

“I’m used to being with bad boys, jocks, and jerks, so the day I met this sweet, easy-going guy, I fell hard right away. But my first red flag should have been the fact that he cheated on his ex-girlfriend with me. I didn’t know he had a girlfriend. He was following that, “Don’t ask, don’t tell policy,” I guess. He broke up with her shortly after we hooked up. He claimed she was ‘evil.’ By May we were exclusive. Now our relationship is long distance. We see each other once a month. We talk all the time and the times we are together are amazing. He’s in the army and now he is moving even farther away. He wanted me to move and be with him, but I have a good job and I also have a son. It would be hard to just up and move across the country. I told him if he ever proposed to me, I’d move in a heartbeat. It’s been almost eight months. He claims I’m ‘the one,’ says he has no doubts about us and doesn’t want to lose me, but he isn’t ready for marriage. I’ve been putting off accepting a good job and buying a house because I’ve been thinking that we will be together. I’ve been waiting and it’s not happening. He says it’s not that he’s not sure about being with me, he’s just not sure about marriage. Should I wait it out? Or move on without him? The long distance relationship is killing me! He told me he has no idea when he will be ready. My birthday is 09/22/1986 and his is 06/24/1986. – Torn Virgo Keep reading »

For The Week Of December 15-21, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

You’re under no obligation to do anything you don’t want to. After all, why fight the selfish, lazy, and irritable mood that’s how you honestly feel? Bah humbug all the way, but you’re not the only one feeling the slump. When it comes to connecting over misery, you’ll find complaining is an effective and joyous method of foreplay.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Bitching will get you heard, and the louder the better. No more sitting on the sidelines, trying to play perfect in your partnership, as that isn’t going to make you happy at the end of the day. This isn’t to say your honey isn’t out to please, but when you don’t say a thing, how will he ever know what to do? He may be cute, but smart? Not always.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

You’ll finally hear words you want to hear, but where that’ll lead won’t be what you’d assume. It seems a new can of worms will open, leading you down another dramatic path that has more questions than answers. At least the power to decide your fate is back in your hands, and that’s as good as you can ask for at this point.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

The bottom line on your current prospect is if you’re not feeling the love by this week, call it quits, as you’ll never get to that level of intimacy you crave. Yes, your optimist is getting the better of you, and to think your latest deeper than he is would only be wasting your imagination. Better to spend your time in bed catching up on sleep.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

If your baby can’t get with your current program, then it’s time to listen to those voices in your head and reconsider past compromises you’ve made as a favor to him. Time to see the bigger picture and realize you’ve been getting the shorter end of the stick. Llike any red-blooded lady, if you’re going to be stuck with any side of the a stick, you need it big. Don’t settle.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

When it comes to friends, it makes life a lot easier when they’re enablers. This week, when life brings a new batch of weirdos to court you, feel free to call in the peanut gallery to get their assessments. Chances are they’ll find just the right way to paint a fun and enticing picture. After all, if your love life can’t be rewarding, it should at least be entertaining.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

New loves are not your old ones. Sure, the past matters in building your future, but when you short-circuit and hold someone new accountable for past sins of a prior relationship, that’s called head-tripping. Resolve your issues before getting in too deep with another. The emotional luggage you’re carrying is a cross too heavy to bear for you and any other trying to get near.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Your idealism will be percolating with all sorts of grand visions of your holidays, which can be a source of great inspiration or damnation, depending on the expectations you place on those around you. However, chances improve if you use your expansive imagination, as it seems those around you won’t be on par with your agenda.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Midweek, there’ll be a blip of something that could be remotely romantic in your life, but otherwise this isn’t the perfect moment for love. Surprisingly enough, you won’t care, as you’ll be far too consumed with work and trying to get all those errands done on time to be free enough to enjoy getting properly sloshed and sexed during the holidays.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Secrets are going to pour out, and skeletons in closets that you didn’t think you had will blindside you. Thankfully, this will come just in time to show you that your latest catch isn’t as dull as you had assumed and actually has some edge. Now, with gossip and drama back at your disposable, you’ll be feeling in your element once again.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Finally, you’ll feel as if the universe has some sympathy for you, as that contentious side of your honey will subside and be willing to call a truce long enough to discuss compromise. However, just because he’s talking the right words, until he backs it up with action, don’t sigh that breath of relief quite yet.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

People can badger you all they want and you can ignore them — but when your boo starts throwing his two cents in on the way you should be living, that’s when you have to break out the diva speeches and tell him to stop projecting his crap onto you. While there might be some truth in his accusations, there are other, less rude ways to nag, without killing your holiday buzz.

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