Profile for Kiki T

Ask The Astrosexologist: My Boyfriend Has No Interest In Getting To Know My Friends

I am a Virgo (9/4/87) who recently started dating a Scorpio (11/2/83) and despite how much I like him, I can’t understand a thing he says or does. I learned very early on that he had pegged me as having potential for a long-term relationship, which makes me pretty uncomfortable since he wants a career, and all I want right now is to make some money and go travel the world — but despite his desire for something significant, he has a really hard time wanting to get to know me.

I’ve met his family and his friends and heard all about his past, but he has stated several times that he doesn’t want to meet the people in my life. I think he’s uncomfortable that my best friend is male (6/10/85). I’m not sure how he can want to be with me, but not want to understand where I’m coming from or get to know the people in my life. I’m worried that things are going to get difficult, as my friends are so important to me. I really don’t know if he is going to let up, especially since Scorpios are so stubborn and he is getting me so involved in his life. Help! – Confused Virgo Keep reading »

For The Week Of September 28-October 4, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Settle any debts — either monetary or emotional — and get your power back. Whatever circumstance has been making you feel insecure lately will be magically reversed, but only if you wish to see you are way above what has entrapped you. From here the future is open, beautiful and full of bright new opportunities!

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Sublime forces are at work, settling your mind and body into a state of total relaxation and bliss by the week’s end. This will come in the form of utter apathy or finally getting all the pieces of the puzzle put in their proper place and realizing what a good thing you have. Either/or, expect that you’ll get all the insight you need to plan your next move.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

People who think you have all day have you all wrong. If they inherently aren’t getting the basic side of you, making you feel special in one form or another, realize they won’t ever. Real romance doesn’t mean working hard to prove yourself. If they don’t get the awesomeness that is you STAT, they aren’t for you, end of discussion.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Reality is about to shine its light upon your ego and show the enormity of importance that you live your life under. Not to say you shouldn’t think you’re that delightful, but consider that perhaps, maybe perhaps, your baby has got a point in how one-sided your points of view are. Time to take a good look in the mirror and start owning up to being a “we,” not just a “me.”

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Unfortunately, this is the week when your relationship isn’t just about you and your boo — but your families too. Whoever’s relatives are coming into the picture, yours or his, it won’t be pretty. Seems disaster will plague you, as drama, raucous opinions and just utterly bad behavior will be happening. How you both deal with this will be a true testament of your bond.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Put your feelings out there and let go. Free yourself of the shackle and chains in which you bear your emotions alone. Tear down the barriers; say what you want and how you want it. If all will work out, it will, but if you want action, it’ll mean taking responsibility for yourself and throwing the ball in their court. After all, it’s never going to work unless you’re both playing.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

A jolt to your long-term thinking is going to happen and sudden changes to your trajectory are in the stars. Don’t be surprised if you unexpectedly get sick of routines and the comfort zone you are in and crave a lot more excitement. Sure, this might just be a wild lost week or it could be a whole new way of life. Whichever, be open to anything!

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Laying down the law means no more negotiating. As compassionate as you may be to hear another’s sob story, realize that a deadline is a deadline and once they have passed the time allotted, you have to stand on it as is. After all, if they can’t work at your speed, what kind of wavelength are they on? Do you really need to spend your precious time waiting? Think not.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Stop looking for excuses to bury your head in. Time to drop the rose-colored glasses and get back in the trenches. Just coasting along, thinking everything will fall into place isn’t going to happen. If it was going to, it would have already. Time for action and realizing you have to be the one to steer your destiny — as in picking a destination — instead of letting one pick you.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

A hotheaded friend may explode at any given minute. Seems pent-up feelings about how you’re dealing with your current dalliances and their fascist opinions will clash this week. Although you’ll do whatever you want to do anyway, do realize the judgmental police are out and waiting for you to mess up. While this doesn’t sound nice, do consider they may have some insight.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Career woes are about to come to a close, freeing up your mind and self-esteem back to normal levels and giving you the ability to start acting out on your whims. Expect a wild surge of emotions to come flooding in and go with it. Consider this acting out of your subconscious to be the most emotionally truth-revealing experience you’ve had in ages.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Always being the cheerleader is a pain the ass and a fairly thankless job if you aren’t rooting for the right team. This week, put down those pompoms and see what happens when you aren’t the one valiantly supporting relationship matters at hand. After all, it takes two. If you aren’t feeling the same enthusiasm back, this is the time to deal with it.

For The Week Of September 21-27, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Make your man work it and love it. There’s no reason you always have to be the one working it in bed, as that isn’t going to give your mind something to truly get lost in during those long hours when you are all alone and need that grand romantic fantasy to get inspired. After all, what else will drive you to get your eager beaver back in the saddle over and over again?

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Your patience is starting to wear thin and this is when you’ll be starting to get restless. As the places you think you should be are not aligning with the places you are in, you’re going to have to get brave to get your trajectory back on track. As of now, this is not the time to be wasting your energy on waiting.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Your standards aren’t easy. The fact that you think that the ultimate prize you’re after should get handed to you on a platinum platter is hysterical. You know you would feel suspicious if it occurred miraculously, since it’s the drama, the struggle and romance that make you thrive. If it’s not a page turner, drop it.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

There will be a lot of things motivating you this week. Among them won’t be a sweet love affair that’ll take you into the winds of oblivion. Instead, drama may unfold at the office, as in a flirtation with someone that could make for a potentially messy situation. Of course, trouble has always been something that excites a girl like you. So, sure, get blown away!

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Every time you sabotage yourself with some kind of reality-based comments that have you thinking in a purely linear way, smack yourself! Life is the product of your thoughts and ambitions. If you aren’t willing to see past the glass ceiling, then only you will be to blame. Options are there. Choose wisely.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Time to pick up the pace and forge a deeper intellectual connection with whomever you have on the speed dial. Just joking around and being all cutesy is fun, but it’s not giving you the juice you need to really feel the love. Brains matter. There is no reason you can’t break out those MENSA questions at will. Until you have Einstein on your reel, keep fishing.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

If you are going to sign on the dotted line, this is the perfect time to do it. Love and commitment are in your stars this week, as you will be feeling the peace of mind it takes to figure out what exactly it will take to make you happy and be in it to win it. Go ahead — work it out with your baby and let the love shine in, because it’s all there for the taking.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Timing is everything. If you find you and your object of desire aren’t synching up so well in the scheduling department, then this is the time you really will have to see how much you want it and how much time you are willing to sacrifice to make it happen. Of course, if this isn’t a two-way street and he’s if he isn’t making the first move, don’t even bother turning on your ignition.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

You won’t have any self-control when it comes to lust this week, nor should you have to hold back. Your tastes will be sublime and there is no reason you can’t taste the fruits of your desire. After all, why dwell on the consequences when painting in the whole picture will take time? In fact, the slower the burn, the hotter the sensations.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Turn up the charm and make them worship you. This is your time of the year to let love affairs get out of hand. Seems you have powers beyond even your comprehension that will lure them exactly where you want them. So if you want to make it matter, don’t waste it on just anyone. Aim your target accordingly and you will surely capture yourself a bountiful feast.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Don’t make the mistake of thinking you can feel your way through another flirtation that seems to have potential. This time around, you’ll need backup. It’s time to really be clear with yourself about what you are after — and go with it! The less you leave to the imagination, the more real it will be. At this stage in your game, it’s time to learn that honesty and directness have their good points.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

According to researchers, a man shows how much he cares with time and money. This week keep this in mind: If you don’t have both in spades, it’s time to negotiate with yourself what he is worth to you. Patience is great, but not if it is costing you valuable time and self-esteem. Look at the cold hard facts — they don’t lie.

In Bed With … Alexander Skarsgard

VITAL STATS
Born:
August 25, 1976, Stockholm, Sweden
Sun: Virgo
Ascendant: Unknown
Moon: Virgo
Mercury: Virgo
Venus: Virgo
Mars: Libra

Keep reading »

Ask The Astrosexologist: My Heart Is Pulled In Two Directions!

I’m an Aries who has been in a very fun, comfortable relationship with an Aquarius for two and a half years. We have a lot of fun together and it feels like we balance each other out. The problem is, in May I went back home (halfway across the country) to visit my parents and spent every day for two weeks with an old friend (Libra) with whom I shared an extremely brief but strong attraction before meeting the Aquarius. Because of the distance and other people in our lives — my Aquarius and his Taurus — we moved on. We were friends before and still are, and I can’t even be sure that there are romantic feelings there anymore. However, the two weeks I spent with Mr. Libra were fantastic. Fun, funny, exciting, and when it came time for me to drive home it felt like all my feelings for my beloved Aquarius had evaporated. Keep reading »

For The Week Of September 14-20, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

A new leaf will turn for you once you decide to change a dirty habit. It will uncover a state of bliss that you haven’t felt for ages, making you feel invincible and ready to take charge. This isn’t the time to take “no” from anyone — least of all, yourself. Remember this and you will have the dandiest week ever.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Ask a close friend if you have been making too many excuses for that special someone or if that someone is making too many concessions for you. If you find that there is an imbalance in the union from an objective point of view, then take that as fact and sort out the rest of the data on the table to see exactly how it adds up. Your conclusions should be riveting.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Forget that naughty side to you and saddle up with a PG version of yourself, as you should be placing an emphasis on the friendship developing in your current love tryst. The less pressure you put on the more intense areas of the “getting to know you” phase, the more you get that relationships are supposed to be fun — your crucial lesson for this week.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Just when you thought you were old enough to rise above the peer pressure, in comes a deluge of voices that confuse you and make you want to scream. Go ahead: do it! As that might be the only way for you to stop from falling into the pit of popular opinion, and the only way to get you to listen to yourself and see that you have to set your own standards.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Free your imagination. There’s nothing holding you back, other than you and the reasoning you subscribe to. Time to switch up your attitude and realize the impossible is possible — but without your belief in it, you will only be stuck in a bitter rut that’ll keep you as your own worst enemy. If that sounds acceptable to you, proceed as you have been. Otherwise, it’s time to change.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

The sexual tension gets explosive this week. All your awkwardness comes to a head, as the chemicals in your brain won’t be reacting in a way you’re used to and this can lead to a few embarrassing moments. Thankfully, if you’re barking up the right tree, whoever is watching your antics will find these moments of utter gracelessness endearing, rather than humiliating.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Sign your booty over on the dotted line. This is the time when love should start coming together in a sweet little package, giving you a sense of direction and comfort. If you’re single, time to set your intentions out there by rationally scouring your mind for what is your realistic ideal. It’s time to sharpen your aim. A good eye will get you everywhere.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

With your libido lagging these days, the one way to pump it back is to pump it up. Revive yourself by jumpstarting a new fitness routine, getting all your annual doctor appointments out of the way and dealing with all those physical aspects of yourself that will lead you back on the road to being a peak performer.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Sitting on the fence is not going to win you any favors. If you want it, you got to be in it to win it. Enough with thinking things have to play out in a certain fashion for it to be right! You’re the writer of your own story. If you want it to be a legendary masterpiece, it’ll mean laying yourself on the line and thickening the plot.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

For a gal like you, it’s not just the things you commonly love with a dude that’ll cozy you up to him, but also the things you hate. This week they’ll be nothing more invigorating than showing off your bad attitude to that special curmudgeonly someone. Seems being able to bitch together will be one of the most romantic things you can do to nab the heart of your intended.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

You can’t trip over your words this week. If you want something, you are going to have to be clear — as in starting the facts, sticking to direct eye contact and being cognizant of relaying your emotions obviously. This isn’t the time to see if anyone is a mind reader. Reach out and make yourself known; the universe is listening.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Money, luxury and comfort will open up to you at a new level, letting you relax for a few. Take in the rewards of work well done. The issue now is not to get complacent. While you are cruising along swimmingly, don’t forget to keep your eye over the horizon, as that will be the only way you will be able to maintain.

For The Week Of September 7-13, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

All the answers you want about your current love relationship are in how you both deal with your joint finances. Consider money the metaphor for your bond. If this means taking off the rose-colored glasses to see that things will only go so far, in terms of sharing or potential, then you will have to be braver than ever to face the music. Accept that your ideal lifestyle is non-negotiable.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Don’t get too detailed about feelings or plans with your honey or whomever you’re shacking up with these days, because your mind will be wandering erratically from emotion to emotion. There won’t be any accounting for what you truly want right now, as you won’t be able to see cause and effect clearly. Until you can, don’t commit to anything.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

The past is coming back to haunt you. What you thought was something you let die will spring back alive and prove to be way more intriguing than you ever thought. Instead of trying to poo poo all the outcomes, let loose the control and just go with it. You have nothing to lose! If it all goes in the crapper anyway, you can then say, “I knew it.”

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Forget your friends. They’ll be aggravating the hell out of you. Sure, they want to be helpful and give you advice, but unless you’re asking for it, they really have no right and that gives you complete clearance to tell them to “Shut the f**k up!” If there are going to be voices in your head, they better be your own. Because when it comes down to it, you will have the right answers.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

All the drama you indulge in, and which brings out your self-sabotaging behaviors, gets a reprieve. Expect an epiphany that’ll start to clear the cobwebs that keep you from seeing your own capabilities. However, realize this won’t put you on easy street right away, as this only marks the beginning of a new journey — but at least this is a voyage in which you know your destination.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

You know who the flakes are in your life. Though, you are the only one to blame if you allow them to let you down once again. Enough is enough. Your idealism is only going to get you so far; you are procrastinating on the obvious. Time to accept that maybe you are your own worst enemy and realize that the truth can hurt, but it will hurt less if you stop trying to deny it.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

If you’re a swinging single, be careful whom you hook up with this week. Chances of lasting repercussions that will have you wanting to borax your vagina out the next day are high — as in when the sun comes up, it’ll reveal disturbing annoyances that’ll repulse. Of course, you’re never one to resist dancing with the devil, so at least make sure the protection is steady and strong.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Old issues die hard and that’s why you and your baby will be having a deja vu in terms of tension and arguments. Seems an inherent crack in your relationship’s foundation is not as patched-up as you thought. However, instead of thinking you can change the other person, get real with yourself and make choices on what you can and can’t live with.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Love foibles will be making your life more like a comedy every day, but as long as you keep a sense of humor and level head about you, the mishaps will make your romance even that much more memorable — as it’ll be those little flaws that will endear you the most and show you the real character behind your latest catch.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Your legendary fickleness will be making its grand appearance, as you won’t be feeling the love as much. The only exception is if you have hooked up with someone from your past. Otherwise, whoever has been in the picture will no longer seem to cut it, as your mind will start wandering down memory lane and have you realizing standards you once had aren’t so easy to forget.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Your serious attitude towards relationships will start to ease up and finally you will realize that having fun isn’t such an awful fate. Give a little and you will get a lot. However, give a lot and you will get it all. Just don’t be stuck to your stubborn ways for too long and sit on the fence trying to decide; act and you will receive.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

You will hear everything you want to hear, but the problem is that you will have this nagging feeling that you won’t be able to rely on it. What to believe? Honey, always trust yourself. Sycophants will be all around and, if you allow them to, they will ruin your day with their kiss-ass lies. Action is the only currency you can bank on this week, not words.

In Bed With … Jesus Luz

VITAL STATS
Born:
January 15, 1988, Rio De Janeiro, Brazil
Sun Sign: Capricorn
Ascendant: Unknown
Moon: Scorpio
Mercury: Aquarius
Venus: Aquarius
Mars: Scorpio

Keep reading »

Ask The Astrosexologist: How Do I Fix A Relationship With A Scorpio?

I’m a Pisces (2/21/91) and my boyfriend of seven months is a Scorpio (11/14/86). I need help trying to fix this relationship. Ever since May our relationship started to change — he calls and visits less, we argue often, and he spends more time with his friends than he does with me. Now we’re on break. I really care about him and we’ve had some great times. How do I fix it? I’ve spoken to him about this, but to no avail. – Panicked Pisces Keep reading »

How To Spot A Bastard In 30 Seconds

conan obrien pointy jpg
CHIN
Conviction is hot and if you want a man with balls look for a well-defined jaw. His chin will reveal his heroic side.
ROUND
Not a risk-taker, but has a heart of gold.
SQUARE

Being methodical is the only way he sees results.
WIDE
Does everything with flair.
SHORT
Business-minded and traditional.
LONG
Egomaniac.
DIMPLED
The winning underdog.
RECEDING
He turns into a ball and chain.
POINTED
Original, determined and bold.
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