I was looking at an apartment in Brooklyn. It was, as usual, on the small side. One of the rooms was in the shape of a “Z,” so that there was really no possible way for a bed to fit. Which was too bad, because it was supposed to be a bedroom.
“There’s… READ MORE »
I am the only woman in NYC who has never gotten waxed. This is a fact. If someone collected statistics, the numbers would definitely confirm it.
You could say I’m a bit of a wild woman. My hair is unpredictable, my nail polish is usually mostly chipped off, I can’t do a pantsuit… READ MORE »
I like boobs. I’m a straight woman, but really, who doesn’t appreciate them? Robots. Reptiles. Sauron. That’s about it. And I’m not even positive about Sauron. He might have, at some point, before he was all disembodied. Breasts are awesome. As feminist writer Gail Collins said in her New York Times piece, “Everybody likes breasts… READ MORE »
It was Valentine’s Day, and I didn’t have a boyfriend, which I was telling myself was actually pretty nice. The last boyfriend had gotten me a heart-shaped box of chocolates. I don’t like chocolates. I don’t like hearts. He had also written some ill-conceived poetry, comparing my face to the moon, or something. Or maybe… READ MORE »
I used to be really skinny. So skinny my ribs stuck out.
Everywhere I went, women said, “You’re so skinny! Oh my god. I’m jealous.”
I had friends that were more gorgeous than me, but it was OK, because I was really skinny.
“I wish I was as skinny… READ MORE »
I saw this girl the other day. She was wearing stunningly high, bright green heels, a strapless silver jumpsuit with a huge white belt, and a fur vest. She looked amazing. I don’t know how she did it, but she looked amazing. And I thought, as I always do, I wish I could pull off… READ MORE »
I was one of the skeptics. Online dating sounded kinda lame to me. It sounded kinda like giving up. After all, I was living in New York, a city teeming with eligible bachelors. In theory. I wasn’t meeting any of them, but I was told they were out there. And I wanted to go on… READ MORE »
I have long suspected that I am bad at being a woman. There are things that other women can do that I am terrible at. There are days that I go out wearing giant boys’ sweatpants, my dad’s old football sweatshirt and a red knit cap. I forget that I’m supposed to try to look… READ MORE »
When I got my period for the first time, my mom wanted to throw a party. She had the whole thing planned. There would be a circle of women — many of them her friends, who would talk about womanhood with me, share their womanly wisdom, and tell rousing tales of menstruation. My mom would… READ MORE »
The other day, I found myself engaging in conversation with a stranger at the grocery store about weight.
“God,” the woman said, pausing near me in the aisle as I considered a package of cookies. “I wish.”
I laughed. “Yeah, I’m trying to decide if it’s worth it.”
“Go… READ MORE »
It’s fun to talk about women who get plastic surgery. They’re kind of sad. A little desperate. They’re trying too hard. They’re spending too much money on what God should have given them. Everyone is keeping track of which movie star recently got her lips puffed up or her boobs plumped or her nose whittled… READ MORE »
When I was young, my parents told me I was beautiful and I believed them. I went out into the world feeling confident about my womanly charms and things went smoothly for me. I always managed to find a boy who would tell me I was perfect, even if he did wear suspenders and a… READ MORE »
“So, this is awkward,” said the email from my friend, the bride. “But I’ve decided to keep my bridesmaids to just really close friends.”
She had three bridesmaids. I was the third. Apparently, she only had two really close friends, and I was not one of them.
“Wait,” I wrote back. READ MORE »
People think that when a woman cuts off her hair, it means something is wrong. “I think she’s going through a rough time,” they whisper. They try to pinpoint the trauma—”it was that boyfriend who broke up with her” or “I think she might have had an eating disorder.” Women are supposed to be attached… READ MORE »