Profile for Kate Fridkis

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Mirror, Mirror: How I Want To Be At 65

Kate FridkisOctober 4, 2012 //
Mirror Mirror: Body Hair
Why are women supposed to be hairless? Read More »
Mirror, Mirror: Awkward
In praise of awkward beauty. Read More »
Mirror, Mirror: Rules
Kate comes up with better beauty rules. Read More »

Fairest shmairest! Let’s get real about beauty and body image. Mirror, Mirror is a column running every other Thursday on The Frisky. It is written by Brooklyn-based columnist, freelance writer, and bagel enthusiast, Kate Fridkis who also writes the blog Eat the Damn Cake. You can follow her on Twitter at @eatthedamncake.

The other day, I was having lunch with a 65-year-old woman who was on a strict diet. She told me she needed to lose 10 pounds before she would feel like a real person again. She wasn’t letting herself buy any new clothes until she dropped a couple sizes. She loved fashion, but she wanted to punish herself, so that she would learn her lesson.

“No, no,” I protested. “You look great! You don’t need to change anything.”

She gave me an empty smile. “That’s sweet of you.”

She didn’t like her hair either. She didn’t like her arms. They were too flabby, she thought. Her legs were too short. And then, of course, there were her wrinkles. She was racing against time to combat all of the signs that she was no longer 30. And suddenly, I was scared. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: Stop Waiting To Be Prettier

Kate FridkisSeptember 27, 2012 //
My Nose Job
One writer talks about getting a nose job. Read More »
I'm Not Beautiful
But that's okay. Read More »
Tell Me I'm Pretty
Is it so much to ask to want to be told I'm beautiful? Read More »

You know that moment, where you’re gripping some of your side fat in the bath, and you just ate all of the leftover spaghetti at once, with pesto and tomato sauce and grated cheese and, weirdly, liverwurst, and you’re thinking, Tomorrow I will go to the gym. And then I’ll go every day after that, for the rest of my life. And I will lose weight. It’ll be easier than I expect it to. And then my hair will grow out and it’ll be thicker than last time. And then I’ll be prettier. And then I’ll wear sleeveless dresses all the time and I’ll be happy?

That moment is lying to you. Keep reading »

Mirror, Mirror: On Femininity And Body Hair

Kate FridkisSeptember 20, 2012 //
Soapbox: No Pubic Hair
Why this woman doesn't have pubic hair. Read More »
Mirror, Mirror: Awkward
In praise of awkward beauty. Read More »
Soapbox: Pro Pubic Hair!
A soapbox about why we should keep our pubic hair. Read More »

Fairest shmairest! Let’s get real about beauty and body image. Mirror, Mirror is a column running every other Thursday on The Frisky. It is written by Brooklyn-based columnist, freelance writer, and bagel enthusiast, Kate Fridkis who also writes the blog Eat the Damn Cake. You can follow her on Twitter at @eatthedamncake.

One lazy, yet revolutionary summer, I let my leg hair grow, just to see what would happen. I’m not kidding, all of the guys I met liked it, even if they had to tell me secretly later, after making fun of me first. I was surprised by how silky it was.

I was 15. My mom made me shave when I started a job in the fall.

I am still not sure how much body hair should matter, but I lean towards “not at all” and the rest of the world seems to think “SO MUCH OH MY GOD PLEASE SHAVE YOURSELF BEFORE WE ALL BARF OUR BRAINS OUT.”

At this party the other night, I listened as the women talked about how they were all getting electrolysis and laser hair removal. There are some great deals on Groupon, apparently. Everyone was getting their pubic hair done first. Then probably all the rest.

I’ll be honest, my pubic hair rarely occurs to me. I mean, yeah, it’s there, I went through puberty and stuff. But mostly, like a backwoods, hopeless, potentially dirty barf-inducing dork-chump, I just assume it’s fine.

And mostly it’s fine. Except for this one time when I took off my clothes and the guy I was with said, “Wow. Um, the last girl I dated was Asian, so…” Keep reading »

Mirror, Mirror: In Praise Of Awkward Beauty

Kate FridkisSeptember 6, 2012 //
Mirror, Mirror: Rules
Kate comes up with better beauty rules. Read More »
Talking About Bodies
Kate reflects on hearing men talk about women's bodies. Read More »
Mirror, Mirror: Girls
Why Kate's always checking them out. Read More »

Fairest shmairest! Let’s get real about beauty and body image. Mirror, Mirror is a column running every other Thursday on The Frisky. It is written by Brooklyn-based columnist, freelance writer, and bagel enthusiast, Kate Fridkis who also writes the blog Eat the Damn Cake. You can follow her on Twitter at @eatthedamncake.

So I’ve given it some thought and I’d like to propose the establishment of a new category of beauty. Awkward Beauty. That’s my working title.

Awkward Beauty sometimes looks like it’s not beauty at all, but that’s wrong. That’s only because we’ve gotten so boring. We’ve watched too many shampoo commercials. Look closer. It doesn’t fit in, but it’s the real deal. Not like Emma Watson playing Hermione Granger with smooth hair. No, like the real Hermione Granger, who had features that stood out, hair that couldn’t be stopped.

The current popular definition of beauty seems to have a lot to do with shininess. Shiny hair, shiny legs, shiny lips, very big, very shiny eyes. Shiny boobs are a plus. The current definition involves a lot of strict symmetry, sort of like those photos that Science compiled of every face in the world that end up with one totally smoothed-out face that everyone thinks is the most beautiful because there is NOTHING interesting on it at all. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: On Hearing Men Talk About Women’s Bodies

Kate FridkisAugust 31, 2012 //
10 Ways To Love Your Body
Summer's the perfect time to show your bod some love! Read More »
Mirror, Mirror: Girls
Why Kate's always checking them out. Read More »
Relationships & Body Image
How does your love life affect your body image? Read More »

I was on the train, heading back to NYC from New Jersey and there were three guys sitting behind me. They were talking about life. Which meant that they were mostly talking about girls.

“Sometimes some girls ask me if I have an ideal woman,” said the guy with the deep, commanding baritone, his voice carrying over the crackling of a broken ceiling speaker. He paused for dramatic effect.“I can give you measurements.”

The other guys chuckled, low and a little menacing.

Deep Voice didn’t leave his bros wondering. “34 C,” he said. “Definitely 34 C…” Keep reading »

Mirror, Mirror: 11 Better Beauty Rules

Kate FridkisAugust 16, 2012 //
Mirror, Mirror: Girls
Why Kate's always checking them out. Read More »
Mirror, Mirror: Carbs
Is Kate the only person who still eats carbs? Read More »
Mirror, Mirror: Bra
Why Kate's ditching her padded bra. Read More »

Fairest shmairest! Let’s get real about beauty and body image. Mirror, Mirror is a column running every other Thursday on The Frisky. It is written by Brooklyn-based columnist, freelance writer, and bagel enthusiast, Kate Fridkis who also writes the blog Eat the Damn Cake. You can follow her on Twitter at @eatthedamncake.

I have this giant list of beauty rules stuck in my head. It was implanted there when I was just a little girl, and although a lot of the work was done by this really popular girl in my 6th grade Hebrew School class, American Culture also contributed plenty.

Don’t wear short skirts unless you have long legs. Don’t wear horizontal stripes, you’ll look wider. Wear black, it’s slimming. Don’t wear long dresses unless you have long legs. Moisturize or you’ll get wrinkles. Don’t wear red lipstick if you’re too pale. Stay out of the sun. Get a tan. Don’t wear something low cut unless you have cleavage (you’ll look like a boy in a dress)/ don’t wear something low cut if you have cleavage (you’ll look trashy). Don’t wear anything anyone might consider sexy to work. Don’t wear heels if you’re too tall. Don’t wear flats if you’re too short. Don’t eat too much cake. If your nose is too big, you’re screwed. If you have short legs, your life will be sadder than it might have been.

On and on and on and on forever.

I want to write some new rules. I want to write a whole book of new rules. Maybe an encyclopedia set. But I have to start somewhere, so: Keep reading »

Mirror, Mirror: I’m Always Checking Out Other Women

Kate FridkisAugust 2, 2012 //
Mirror, Mirror: Carbs
Is Kate the only person who still eats carbs? Read More »
Mirror, Mirror: Bra
Why Kate's ditching her padded bra. Read More »
Mirror, Mirror: Skinny
Kate used to be known as the skinny girl. Read More »

Fairest shmairest! Let’s get real about beauty and body image. Mirror, Mirror is a column running every other Thursday on The Frisky. It is written by Brooklyn-based columnist, freelance writer, and bagel enthusiast, Kate Fridkis who also writes the blog Eat the Damn Cake. You can follow her on Twitter at @eatthedamncake.

I am always checking out other women. I can’t help it. They look good. It’s not a secret. They look better than men.

Women wear bright, interesting colors in creative combinations. They wear catchy jewelry and have fantastic, innovative hair. They do bold, playful things with makeup. They have cool shoes. They stand out. So I want to look at them. And then I feel awkward, because maybe I’m being weird. Maybe I’m just as bad as the annoying guys who are always staring hungrily at young women on the F train, when those women are just trying to read their damn book, thank you very much.

I feel just like a gross guy, because it seems like one gaze isn’t that much different than the other. And I don’t know what the rules really are. Or what they should be, for straight women checking out other women. Keep reading »

Mirror, Mirror: Am I The Only Person Who Eats Carbs?

Kate FridkisJuly 19, 2012 //
Bye Bye Bra!
Kate is ditching her padded bra. Read More »
Sex For Salad?
No way! Here are some things we would actually give up sex for. Read More »
Sayonara Skinny Girl
Kate used to be known as the skinny girl. Read More »

Fairest shmairest! Let’s get real about beauty and body image. Mirror, Mirror is a column running every other Thursday on The Frisky. It is written by Brooklyn-based columnist, freelance writer, and bagel enthusiast, Kate Fridkis who also writes the blog Eat the Damn Cake. You can follow her on Twitter at @eatthedamncake.

I am the only person in my family who eats carbs. I am a rebel. But I am not able to be self-righteous about it because I might be killing myself with sugar. I don’t want to die! But these doughnuts are so friggin’ good. Am I just weak-willed and gross? Or is it possibly a little bit OK to eat some junk food once in a while? Or, you know, the occasional carb.

My whole family is not only mostly composed of type one diabetics, but also, everyone is obsessed with health. All the time. Everyone is passing around these 500-page books called Sugar: The Mass Murderer and Why You Will Die From Eating That Thing You’re Eating Right Now.

I grew up eating all organic. We lived in a rural area and my mom grew all of our vegetables. The rest of our food came by truck, frozen, from a distant, organic coop. As a kid, I thought pasta was made from artichokes. OUR pasta was, anyway.

Type one diabetes, in case anyone was wondering, is the kind that doesn’t have anything to do with what you ate first. It’s a chronic illness that you have to take insulin shots every day for, and it really, really sucks. Not eating carbs makes it a lot easier to regulate your blood sugar, which is really important. So my dad and my youngest brother and my husband and my husband’s mom all don’t eat carbs. Because that’s how many diabetics there are in my life. Keep reading »

The Soapbox: Some Friendly Advice For That 22-Year-Old Girl Who Wishes She Was Poorer

Kate FridkisJuly 16, 2012 //
Wishing To Be Poor?
This successful college grad wishes she was poorer. Read More »
Mommy Wars Ceasefire
I want a ceasefire on the mommy wars, because it helps no one. Read More »
The Soapbox
A response to Julia Allison's NY Post article on dating in NYC. Read More »

Some thoughts for Taylor Cotter (the 22-year-old girl who wrote about wishing she could be poorer on the Huffington Post):

Right now things kinda suck. I know. You wrote an oblivious-sounding piece about how you kind of wished you were getting the chance to be poor and scrappy in your 20s, like artistic people are supposed to be. Like the girls on “Girls,” which sometimes seems very realistic because Lena Dunham is the only young woman with any body fat on TV. And then the piece went up on HuffPo and then Gawker picked it up and now everyone is making fun of you.

My friend sent it to me. She was like “OMG this girl wishes she was poor!” and I was already worried about you.

I mean, maybe you’re totally OK and don’t even care. Maybe you’re laughing. But if you’re anything like me, I’m guessing you’re not. I’m guessing you’re more like, “Oh shit shit shit. No wait! I didn’t mean it that way! Wait, guys! I’m not that bad! I swear. I said that in a funny way. I was trying to make this point, and I was trying to illustrate it, and the piece is more about how we’re taught that being poor is cool when you’re an artist than about how I actually really wish I was poor. The piece is really more about the images we’re given of artists. And how it can be awkward not to fit the image, even if that means being more stable than the image. You know? Seriously! I’m not a bad person!”  Keep reading »

Girl Talk: The Girls In The Clique (And How I Accidentally Flashed Them)

Kate FridkisJuly 10, 2012 //
Friends We Need
Six types of friends every woman needs. Read More »
Childhood Frenemies
The crappy friends we once thought were awesome. Read More »
College Friendships
campus confidential
Friendships at college aren't about having one big clique. Read More »

I didn’t know girls still did cliques at this age. I mean, I guess I could’ve figured it out, but I didn’t really give it much thought.

I was homeschooled, so I missed a lot of that stuff, which I’ve always felt lucky for. But no one can miss all of it.

It takes about two seconds of remembering to whip me back in time to the girls’ bathroom at the synagogue, where I am engaged in that most classic and venerable of traditions: crying helplessly, locked in a stall. It is my first day of Hebrew High School. I’m thirteen, and none of the other girls will talk to me. It’s not just implied, it’s outright. They cross the room to avoid me and then cluster together, whispering. Keep reading »

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