Profile for Kate Fridkis

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Mirror, Mirror: The Buzz Cut Beauty Queen

Kate FridkisFebruary 6, 2013 //
Mirror, Mirror: Girl
The girl Kate wanted to be. Read More »
Hell Yeah, I Love You!
Hell yeah, I love you! Getting love is easy this Valentine's Day. Read More »
My Buzz Cut
Why this woman got a buzz cut. Read More »

Valentine’s Day is supposed to be about love, right? Romance and pink things and flowers, too. It’s supposed to be about couples, but I want to selfishly celebrate by acknowledging a woman who made me love myself a little bit more. So often, I think we’re trying to make ourselves appealing and acceptable to other people. We’re worried about how we look to them, how we come across, if we’re pretty and likable. But once, when I was a kid, I saw a woman who made me think there might be another way to do things, and I’ve never forgotten her.

This is my love letter to a buzz cut beauty queen. Keep reading »

Mirror, Mirror: The Girl I Wanted To Be

Kate FridkisJanuary 17, 2013 //
Mirror, Mirror: Photo
That picture is lying! You look great. Read More »
Mirror, Mirror: Carbs
Is Kate the only person who still eats carbs? Read More »
Mirror, Mirror: Pretty Enough
You are pretty enough to find love. Read More »

She was really beautiful. She was the coolest girl ever. She always knew what to say, and she said it casually, like she barely had to think first. I wanted to be just like her. I was 13, she was 15, and she was perfect to me.

My parents were very supportive. They thought I was smart and pretty and capable. And that is so important, like the concrete they pour into the husk of the foundation of a house when it’s just planks and sticks in the dirt. But the shape of the building, the furniture inside—I think that comes from other girls. That’s how you learn how to be a girl, after all, from the other ones around you.  Keep reading »

Mirror, Mirror: The Photo Is Lying

Kate FridkisJanuary 3, 2013 //
Mirror, Mirror: Pretty Enough
You are pretty enough to find love. Read More »
Mirror, Mirror: Rules
Kate comes up with better beauty rules. Read More »
Mirror, Mirror: Bra
Why Kate's ditching her padded bra. Read More »

I was looking seriously cute. My hair was behaving commendably, my face did not have anything obviously wrong with it, my belt was making my waist look seductive, and my new boots gave me a taller, lither look than I’m accustom to. Even my little boobs were cheerful and holding form in my bra, rather than sliding disobediently down, as is their evil habit.

“You look great!” said my husband, picking up on the whole thing. He snapped a photo on his phone. And another, and then a third.

“Hmm,” he said, “I can’t really get a good angle. Wait.” One more. “Okay,” he said, sounding satisfied. He showed me.

It was a little shocking, how wrong I’d been. My hair was stringy and frazzled at the same time. My face had aged 10 years. My waist was bulging around the belt, and my little stunted legs looked almost hilariously comical in their silly, trying-too-hard boots. Even in the “good” shot, I appeared to be lumbering off to terrorize a small village, possibly to capture a maiden or two and haul them off to my cave for supper. I’m not even going to get started on my boobs. Keep reading »

Mirror, Mirror: You ARE Pretty Enough To Find Love

Kate FridkisDecember 20, 2012 //
Mirror, Mirror: Jewish
Kate talks about "looking Jewish." Read More »
Mirror, Mirror: Bra
Why Kate's ditching her padded bra. Read More »
Mirror, Mirror: Rules
Kate comes up with better beauty rules. Read More »

The other day, a girl emailed me:

“I’m worried that I’m not pretty enough to get a guy. I’m single, and want a serious relationship, but sometimes I think I can’t find one because I’m not prettier.”

I wanted to exclaim, “That’s ridiculous!” But instead I thought, Well, of course you’re worried.

When I was single, I reasoned that being hotter was always better because it would give me more options. The hotter I was, the more guys would be interested in me, and the more choice I’d have in the matter. So even if I thought I looked fine, it would’ve been better to look, well, even better. (And then there is no limit—you can always be hotter, somehow.) And when I thought that I looked significantly, depressingly less than fine, I was scared, because I felt as though I might miss out on something essential.

This is not irrational. It makes sense, when we think of women’s worth as being closely matched, at least initially, with their beauty. Keep reading »

Mirror, Mirror: On Looking Jewish

Kate FridkisDecember 6, 2012 //
Mirror,Mirror: Thankful
There are so many reasons to be thankful for your body. Read More »
My Nose Job
One writer talks about getting a nose job. Read More »
Mirror, Mirror: Carbs
Is Kate the only person who still eats carbs? Read More »
Mirror, Mirror: Rules
Kate comes up with better beauty rules. Read More »

I liked being Jewish. I just hated my face. I wanted desperately to like my face better. I’d spent too many years laughing with my hand over my nose because I thought it looked even bigger when my face was happy. Stupid, right? It’s amazing, in retrospect, the things we are tormented by.

When I was a little girl, I thought I’d grow up to look like a queen—exotic, powerful, with a strong, regal profile. Queen Thayet, in Tamora Pierce’s The Immortals series, had a hawk nose and she was the most beautiful woman in the world! Why not me? I had a hawk nose! I figured I would be decent at ruling a kingdom, too.

But then when I was 14 a girl told me I needed to get my face fixed. She said she had a friend whose daddy could do it because he was a rich plastic surgeon. She said that if I went to him he’d make me pretty.

The things kids say! Keep reading »

Mirror, Mirror: 8 Reasons I’m Thankful For My Body

Kate FridkisNovember 20, 2012 //
Mirror Mirror: High Heels
Kate contemplates really high heels. Read More »
Mirror Mirror: Age 65
How Kate wants to be when she's 65. Read More »
Thanksgiving!
It's Thanksgiving again. We're here for you. Read More »
Mirror, Mirror: Rules
Kate comes up with better beauty rules. Read More »

Fairest shmairest! Let’s get real about beauty and body image. Mirror, Mirror is a column running every other week on The Frisky. It is written by Brooklyn-based columnist, freelance writer, and bagel enthusiast, Kate Fridkis who also writes the blog Eat the Damn Cake. You can follow her on Twitter at @eatthedamncake.

I was standing in line at the Whole Foods bathroom, and I glanced over and saw myself in the mirror. I was packed in with a bunch of other women, and they were all looking glamorous because it was Columbus Circle and that is how people look there. I, of course, did not look glamorous, but when I caught sight of myself in the bathroom crowd, something cool happened. I felt this spark of pride. Like, “That one is mine.” Like when your dog is all scrappy and mutty, and you’re like, “Fuck these purebreds, my dog kicks butt.” I felt like that. And now I’ve compared myself to a dog, so we’re off to a good start. Keep reading »

Mirror Mirror: On High Heels

Kate FridkisNovember 7, 2012 //
Mirror Mirror: Costumes
What about these costumes we wear? Read More »
Mirror Mirror: Body Hair
Why are women supposed to be hairless? Read More »
Mirror Mirror: Age 65
How Kate wants to be when she's 65. Read More »

Fairest shmairest! Let’s get real about beauty and body image. Mirror, Mirror is a column running every other week on The Frisky. It is written by Brooklyn-based columnist, freelance writer, and bagel enthusiast, Kate Fridkis who also writes the blog Eat the Damn Cake. You can follow her on Twitter at @eatthedamncake.

I lead services at a synagogue, and I need to dress up for my job. Nothing over the top—just business-y, tailored clothes paired with nice shoes. For the longest time, my mom was my workwear fashion consultant, because none of my friends were working somewhere that required a suit, and she advised that I go with padded shoulders, long skirts, stockings, and thick, low heels. So I did, because I am oblivious. Then I moved to NYC, and I was like, “Oh! THIS is how people dress.” And I bought some pencil skirts and some legitimate heels. And then those heels wore out, and then, stay with me, because this is about to get really interesting: I went to DSW.

And I tried on heels.

And I began to ask some existential questions like, “How do women wear these things and not fall down the subway steps and kill themselves?” Keep reading »

Girl Talk: Assorted Thoughts On Losing My Engagement Ring

Kate FridkisOctober 26, 2012 //
Why I Got Married Young
To me, 24 seemed like the perfect age. Read More »
Engaged Without A Ring
hitched photo
Andrea's engagement didn't involve a giant rock. Read More »
Marriage Pressure
She feels pressured to either get married or break up. Read More »

I lost my engagement ring. I mean, really lost it. I haven’t seen it in a month, maybe more. I wish I was a robot and I could check my memory chip and replay all of my thoughts and actions, because then I would know exactly what happened, and I would also experience those amazing tortillas we got all over again. But maybe robots don’t like melted cheese as much as I do?

Focus.

I looked under everything with a flashlight. My dad blamed the cat, but she maintains her innocence. I looked under everything again, with a different flashlight that seemed a little brighter. It was gross under everything and I didn’t want to reach in there, but I’m pretty sure there was no ring.

And I’m probably not supposed to say this, but I don’t miss it. Keep reading »

Mirror, Mirror: The Costumes We Wear

Kate FridkisOctober 18, 2012 //
Mirror Mirror: Age 65
How Kate wants to be when she's 65. Read More »
Mirror Mirror: Body Hair
Why are women supposed to be hairless? Read More »
Mirror, Mirror: Carbs
Is Kate the only person who still eats carbs? Read More »
Mirror, Mirror: Awkward
In praise of awkward beauty. Read More »

Fairest shmairest! Let’s get real about beauty and body image. Mirror, Mirror is a column running every other Thursday on The Frisky. It is written by Brooklyn-based columnist, freelance writer, and bagel enthusiast, Kate Fridkis who also writes the blog Eat the Damn Cake. You can follow her on Twitter at @eatthedamncake.

Every year for Halloween, I used to dress up as a gypsy. I was a lazy little kid, I guess, and I didn’t want to make some complicated costume. So I just put on a long skirt and a bunch of my mom’s jewelry and wrapped a bandana around my head, and people were like, “Are you a hippie?” And I was like, “Obviously not. I’m wearing a sash. Come on, people.”

One year, when I was being a gypsy and I was trick-or-treating with a pirate, a witch, and Simba in the sprawling ranch house development lower-income suburban New Jersey had conveniently provided us with, I saw my babysitter, dressed as a devil. But she didn’t look like a scary devil. She looked like some other kind of devil I’d never imagined. It was weird. I wondered if when I got to be older, as old as 14 say, if I’d wear things like that, with my belly showing even though it was cold. I wondered if Halloween was different when you were my babysitter’s age. Keep reading »

Mirror, Mirror: How I Want To Be At 65

Kate FridkisOctober 4, 2012 //
Mirror Mirror: Body Hair
Why are women supposed to be hairless? Read More »
Mirror, Mirror: Awkward
In praise of awkward beauty. Read More »
Mirror, Mirror: Rules
Kate comes up with better beauty rules. Read More »

Fairest shmairest! Let’s get real about beauty and body image. Mirror, Mirror is a column running every other Thursday on The Frisky. It is written by Brooklyn-based columnist, freelance writer, and bagel enthusiast, Kate Fridkis who also writes the blog Eat the Damn Cake. You can follow her on Twitter at @eatthedamncake.

The other day, I was having lunch with a 65-year-old woman who was on a strict diet. She told me she needed to lose 10 pounds before she would feel like a real person again. She wasn’t letting herself buy any new clothes until she dropped a couple sizes. She loved fashion, but she wanted to punish herself, so that she would learn her lesson.

“No, no,” I protested. “You look great! You don’t need to change anything.”

She gave me an empty smile. “That’s sweet of you.”

She didn’t like her hair either. She didn’t like her arms. They were too flabby, she thought. Her legs were too short. And then, of course, there were her wrinkles. She was racing against time to combat all of the signs that she was no longer 30. And suddenly, I was scared. Keep reading »

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