I make no apologies for having dated a vast collection of maniacs, freaks, weirdos and losers. Sometimes—OK, often—I’m embarrassed when one of these ghosts from The Dark Years pops up, but mostly I look at my romantic history as a protracted, occasionally painful, thankfully non-contagious, learning experience.
It’s easy (for me, anyway) to look back and blame the men I was dating for making me miserable and/or breaking my heart, but the reality is, I’m the one who chose to go there. A good friend once told me that I had a gift of seeing the good hiding inside a person whereas everyone else saw the freakazoid they were on the outside. She meant it as a compliment, but the fact is, even the biggest a**hole on the planet has some little chunk of good floating around inside them. It’s not such a positive trait that I was blind to the crap for the tiny diamond inside. Keep reading »
There is possibly nothing more soul-destroying than finding out someone you love is loving on another.
The first time I was cheated on, I was out at a club with my very first boyfriend. I noticed a beautiful girl across the room staring at him, then the band started playing, things got loud and suddenly my boyfriend was nowhere to be found. Oddly enough, she was gone too. Fifteen minutes later, I saw them skulk out of the bathroom together. Ouchie! Keep reading »
Contrary to what your mama might have told you, “just be yourself” is not always the best advice. Almost all of us have something we’re insecure about, and while years of pricey therapy might eventually banish self-doubt, I’ve found that the best way to get over it in the short-term is to refuse to acknowledge it exists in the first place. What some call denial, I call common sense … Keep reading »
I know, I know … the point is to have a magical, fantastical, romantical Valentine’s Day … the kind of evening that makes you tear up and blush in the re-telling, while your less-fortunate girlfriends snarl and gnash their teeth in envy.
Sadly, having the perfect V-Day isn’t easy. For one thing, unless you’re a narcissist, you generally have to rely on another party’s cooperation to truly make it work. For another, much like other festive occasions such as weddings and funerals, Valentine’s Day is an excuse for retailers and restauranteurs to jack up their prices. So unless this recession has left you and your man unscathed, the cost might be a bit of an ouchie. Then there’s the pressure. The shopping. Do you go with the fancy under-duds or fly freebird? Do you get him a gift or is he supposed to be the one doing the giving? So many questions, so few correct answers … Keep reading »
You know how experts claim that most couples fight over sex or money? Not in my tiny apartment, which I share with a 6’5” dude and two cats. What we fight over is décor.
If he were in charge of our home, everything would be bright, white, and utilitarian. There’d be no blood-red living room, featuring Ganesh and Jesus duking it out for wall space. No piles of books and no throw pillows (he especially hates the latter).
But because real estate in New York is insane and my apartment is cheap, my man moved into mine, which (I believe) negates his right to complain because he knew what he was getting into. He would disagree, but I already told you this was our biggest bone of contention. Keep reading »
The other day I was on the phone with a girlfriend, dissecting an argument she’d just had with her man, when it occurred to me that though I’m certain her boyfriend wasn’t happy about their fight, I highly doubted he was giving his bestie the play-by-play. In fact, I doubt he mentioned it to anyone. He was probably just hanging out, drinking a beer, waiting for it to blow over.
And really, is that so wrong? It occurred to me that though men do have their faults, they occasionally have the right idea … Keep reading »