Not to put too grim a spin on it, but it’s a fact that most relationships eventually end, and most of us have been on both sides of the breakup equation. Here’s a brief guide to handling being either end—the dumper or the dumpee. Keep reading »
Profile for Judy McGuire
When I discovered one long-term, live-in ex had been cheating on me—long after we’d split—I was shocked. I’d had my suspicions, but he’d always been so judgmental about philandering friends and sanctimonious about his own fidelity, I figured I was just the jealous crazy lady he kept accusing me of being. So when he broke up with me, I had no clue as to why and desperately tried to talk him into loving me again. (It was every bit as humiliating as that sentence would lead you to believe.)
I have yet to experience the pain-free breakup, but I wondered if knowing the truth about this situation would’ve helped me heal faster. I mean, I’ve been less than up-front with certain guys I’ve broken up with. So when isn’t honesty the best policy? Keep reading »
I don’t care how in love you are. No matter how much naked-couple time you log, how often you finish each other’s sentences—even if you regularly eat up hours marveling at the beauty that is your unique, special snowflake of love, every relationship has its ups and downs.
Rare is the couple that can’t handle the highs. Sure, you hear about the occasional marriage that breaks up over lottery windfalls (or when the female half wins an Academy Award, ahem), but for the most part, good fortune is a breeze. It’s the rough stuff that puts your love to the test. And what could be harder to handle than the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse?!
Read on … Keep reading »
My pal Stella* is going through a terrible breakup with a horrible man. Like most of us, Stella knows how to deal with their split (time, wine, chocolate, more wine, more time), but she was concerned about the bigger picture. Why had she gotten herself mixed up with this jackass in the first place? Or the moron before him? Or the cad prior to that one?
Being a sensible lady, Stella called her old therapist in order to get some perspective and guidance. Surely a licensed professional would have some clue.
Sure enough, she did. After giving my friend a dose of very tough love, Ms. Shrinky Dink gave her a list of questions to ask the next man she considers dating. According to the good doctor, the answers will tell her everything she needs to know before getting in too deep. Keep reading »
“Thanks, but my mother’s dead,” I heard myself snap.
From the horrified look on the saleswoman’s face, it was clear I should’ve come up with a more tactful response when she steered me towards the Mother’s Day cards. After all, it wasn’t her fault my mom died; this lady was just doing her job. Keep reading »
One of the more cringe-inducing memories I have of my teen years is playing the Buzzcocks’ “I Believe” over and over, as I sobbed alone in my twin-sized bed. In particular, the line “There. Is. No. Love. In. This. World. Any-moooooooore!” always sent me into paroxysms of tears. I was positive—one-hundred-percent convinced—that life would be perfect if only I had a boyfriend.
Boy, was I wrong! Keep reading »
As a wise man once told me, there’s not much a woman can do to make herself completely unappealing to every guy at a bar. After all, a bar contains all the essential elements to romance—booze, dim lighting, and the sweet, sweet smell of desperation.
However, as difficult as it is to come off as completely repellent—especially as last call approaches — there are some behaviors to steer away from. So whatever you do … Keep reading »
As I’m sure you’re well aware, there are many good reasons to have sex. In fact, sometimes you don’t need any reason at all—other than, say, loving your partner.
However, sometimes a lady finds herself doing all the right things for all the wrong reasons. That’s what we’re here to cover. So if you find yourself in any of the following situations, please extricate yourself as quickly as possible:
Revenge: The most popular very-wrong reason to have sex, revenge sex never ends well. Hooking up with his best friend because you’re angry at your boyfriend will get you nowhere.
Ego Gratification: You must be fine if that scorching hot bartender took you home. Or not. Men have been known to do some unsavory things for physical gratification—surely you’ve heard the recent story of the guy who tried to fornicate with a park bench? The fact that he’s willing and able doesn’t say squat about your appeal.
Appliance Envy: Your roommate “doesn’t believe” in air conditioning. You can’t afford premium cable and are addicted to “Weeds.” You’re desperate to try out Wii Fit. All of these desires are perfectly rational. However, they are absolutely not worth the price of waking up next to someone you otherwise cannot stand. (Well, except for the AC, but that’s only if it’s above 100 F.)
Weight Loss: Yes, you may have read those women’s magazine articles about how being physically intimate can help you shed pounds. However, a 120-pound woman burns only 57 calories during 15 minutes of sex. That’s less than half a Hostess Ho-Ho. The sweat could do nice things for your skin, but your waist will remain the same size.
Clarity: Ever since you were nine years old and saw that topless Kate Moss Calvin Klein ad, you’ve had a hunch you were same-sex oriented. Unfortunately, the thought of sharing this with anyone scares you, so you get yourself a boyfriend. But you can’t stop thinking about that ad….
Mercy: Empathy for a sad soul is one thing; holding an intimate pity party is quite another. Oh, and you know that saying, “no good deed goes unpunished?” It goes triple in this instance. Misery loves company—good luck getting him out of your apartment.
Quid Pro Quo:
Fame By Association: He’s famous, you want to be. Contrary to what you might’ve surmised from that old Pamela Des Barres book, “I’m With The Band: Confessions Of A Groupie,” fame is not transmissible through intimate contact. However, lots of other things are, so watch out.
It seems that all anyone is talking about lately is the economy, so why is money still such a tough topic to discuss with your nearest and dearest? They say married couples fight over money more than anything else, but what about when you just started dating? That’s possibly even more awkward. Keep reading »
Let’s face it, the best thing about reality TV is its ability to make ourselves feel better about our own lives. Bumming ‘bout your bubble butt—hey, at least you’re not as large as the peeps on “The Biggest Loser.” Angry your boyfriend cheated? Jerry Springer will make you grateful he was banging some coworker, and not knocking up your mom.
Oddly enough, most of these shows seem to be trying to deliver a message or lesson. The problem is that there’s a huge discrepancy between What They Want You to Learn (WTWYTL) and the Actual Lessons Learned (ALL). Luckily, I’m here to translate.
Keep reading »