John DeVore

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Mind Of Man: Why Men Use The “G” Word

I recently made a gay joke, and I should know better. Actually, I made two, and one of the jokes backfired. For guys, the term “gay” is an adjective that means “not masculine.” Chamomile tea? Gay. “Wicked: The Musical”? Gay. Capri pants? Gay. In the new bombshell Rolling Stone article about General Blabber and hi…

By: John DeVore / June 23, 2010

Mind Of Man: Why Men Fly Solo

Recently, it has come to my attention that there are women out there curious about the self-love habits of the male species. (Specifically, a Frisky staffer who will probably get angry if I give her a shout-out in this post.) Since I have opined about female masturbation, it seems only fair that I pontificate o…

By: John DeVore / June 16, 2010

Mind Of Man: Funny Women Are A Natural Resource

According to highly scientific polls, 15 percent of women think staring is cheating, 45 percent have tried the “fingernail” diet, and 99 percent rate a sense of humor as the sexiest trait a man can have (the remaining 1 percent picked “sparkle”). When such pop statisticians ask men the same question, they usually respond “boobs.&#8221…

By: John DeVore / June 9, 2010

Mind Of Man: The Best Part Of Breaking Up

The best part of a breakup is wallowing. There are five stages immediately following a breakup, and they aren’t denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. They are as follows: shock, blubbering, wallowing, staring blankly at walls, and finally, dancing. The final stage is usually preceded by a music montage featuring upbeat adult contemporary music, a…

By: John DeVore / June 2, 2010

Mind Of Man: I Don’t Totally Despise “Sex And The City”

“Sex and the City” is female wish fulfillment. But then again, “Iron Man” is male wish fulfillment. Women wish they could wear haute couture; men wish they could wear a flying robot suit. But such daydreams are just the candy shell of the Blow Pop. The bubblegum at the center isn’t that different from many…

By: John DeVore / May 26, 2010

Mind Of Man: Why Men Cry

Men don’t cry. We squint. Boys might be made out of snips and snails and puppy dog tails, but men are made out of leather and steel and “Hungry Man” meals. Kick us in the baby wallet and we might keel over. Let forth a grizzly’s roar. But cry? Men have three basic emotions: The…

By: John DeVore / May 19, 2010

Mind Of Man: To Text Or Not To Text

As a man, I like to get to the point. Which is why there are only three acceptable texts a person can send or receive, and those three texts are “I am late,” “Where are you?” and “Do you need beer?” A cell phone is a communication tool. It relays important information. They are not…

By: John DeVore / May 12, 2010

Mind Of Man: The Words Mom Wants To Hear

The most important words a son can learn are “everything is fine, mom.” Which isn’t a lie. It’s more of a wish dressed up like the truth. No different, really, than a mother looking down at her chubby son looking up at her through swimming goggles, a towel tied around his neck, and asking if…

By: John DeVore / May 5, 2010

Mind Of Man: Dudes Don’t Gossip. End of Story.

Men don’t gossip. Talking behind someone’s back is just not sporting. We debrief one another, if there’s important operational information that might be mission critical, i.e., “Dan has more beer at his place” or “That woman you’re drooling over is dating Bill.” Instead of whispering in the shadows, men have their own social ritual called…

By: John DeVore / April 21, 2010

Mind Of Man: One Reason Dating Doesn’t Suck

That first kiss is a cupcake-shaped grenade that explodes into springtime rain. As a man, it’s more important than the best seats in the stadium, that huge job promotion, or the first time your father calls you for advice. It is a prelude to all the best things in life: waking up to an empty…

By: John DeVore / April 14, 2010

Mind Of Man: The End Of Dating

I am canceling dating. That’s right. The public negotiation for sex, commitment, and marriage between two strangers that begins with “Do you want to go out Friday night?” is now officially over. Kaput. Adios!

It’s too much drama. Stress. Money. It’s nothing but awkward conversations, uncomfortable clothes, and mediocre Thai meals. Nobody seems to…

By: John DeVore / April 7, 2010

Mind Of Man: Be A Man With A Plan

When it comes to dating, men should make the plans. I think this would solve a lot of dating drama. Men have a natural knack for making plans, be them Death Star attack strategies, bank heists, or prison breakouts. But I’m not here to reinforce gender norms, much. I’m just making a decision that I…

By: John DeVore / March 31, 2010

Mind Of Man: In Defense Of Jesse James

Well, this is going to make me popular. Ladies, gentlemen, and hatebots of the jury, I stand before you to defend a humble motorcycle mechanic who made some very poor life choices. Jesse James committed adultery, and betrayed the trust of his betrothed, a wealthy woman who cares for his child from another marriage. The…

By: John DeVore / March 24, 2010

Mind Of Man: Why You Should Really Date A Nerd

A recent issue of a woman’s magazine instructed their readers to date “nerds.”

The article read like it was written by a bunch of mean girl anthropologists in little black dresses who just discovered a whole new species of men. They seemed so happy to find guys who weren’t smug investment bankers, aging jocks,…

By: John DeVore / March 17, 2010

Mind Of Man: Just Ask Him Out On A Date!

If a woman asks a man out on a date, she is not obligated to buy dinner. I just wanted to clear that up.

Life is all too brief a cosmic commercial break to spend it sending telepathic messages to crushes old and new. In medieval times, sure. ‘Twas the men who came calling.

By: John DeVore / March 10, 2010

11 New Terms For Giving Him A “Hand”

It seems that women are genuinely shocked that men enjoy genital stimulation via your lovely mitts. But it’s true. They were hot in your parents’ basement when we were teens, and they’re hot now.

But maybe the problem is our terminology. A “blow job” sounds fun. Playful. Kind of like a Blow Pop. But…

By: John DeVore / March 5, 2010

Mind Of Man: Putting The Love In MILF

Not all hotties grow up to be sexy MILFs. That’s because MILFs contradict the dominant fashion paradigm. Youth is not beauty and vice versa. Experience counts. There was a time when a mother was a wholly desexualized human being. A woman stripped of want, lust, and femininity. MILFs obliterate this old-fashioned stereotype. A woman retai…

By: John DeVore / March 3, 2010

Mind Of Man: Tell Your Dude To Move Out Of His “Man Cave”

I can’t stand the concept of the “man cave.” It’s like a grown-up version of the word “cooties.” One is something you catch from yucky girls. The other place is a spider hole you scurry to in order to escape girls with cooties.

First, don’t confuse the “man cave” with a “caveman.” Generally,…

By: John DeVore / February 24, 2010

Mind Of Man: Real Men Don’t Need To Be “Nurtured”

When I’m ill, I drink whiskey. More specifically, a hot toddy, otherwise known as “Irish Nyquil.” My beloved local bartender from North Ireland taught me her old family recipe — just hot water, a couple jiggers of whiskey, and lemon wedges studded with cloves. One of those, spicy Kung Pao chicken, and bed. I behave…

By: John DeVore / February 17, 2010

Mind Of Man: The Perfect Valentine’s Day Gift For Your Dude

The truth is: men don’t expect much on Valentine’s Day. We know that this is a holiday for women. Most of us accept this as a manly duty, like chopping wood or boxing grizzly bears. There is a quiet sort of pride in making your woman happy. Sure, many of us drag our feet, roll…

By: John DeVore / February 10, 2010