John DeVore

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Mind Of Man: What Men Think About Besides Sex (Which We Also Think About)

There is a popular stereotype that men think about sex every seven seconds, which is absurd. Men take a break from thinking about sex every second seconds. That second is usually spent in quiet contemplation. Once that second if over, however, it’s right back to what all men always think about: hot sex. Hammering stuff…

John DeVore / May 12, 2011

Guy Talk: I’ve Got Multiple Inches Of Love

I don’t think I have a small penis. I mean, I’ve stared at it all of my life. I can wrap my fingers around it, so I know it’s not of Sasquatch proportions. There are inches there, multiple inches, of love. I’d say it would make a nice cigar. I have been given the standard…

John DeVore / May 10, 2011

Mind Of Man: What Men Think About Menstruation

When I was a little kid, my teenage sister explained to me that she had become a woman. This meant that for one week out of the month, I had better do exactly what she tells me. I would never know exactly when that week would be, so for my sake, she lovingly suggested I…

John DeVore / May 4, 2011

Mind Of Man: Everything You Ever Needed To Know About Dating

Everything I ever needed to know about dating, I learned selling comedy tickets on the streets of New York City. Convincing a grouchy New Yorker to give you cash money for magic beans is a brutal way to make a living, much less a buck. But it was while pounding the proverbial pavement like a…

John DeVore / April 27, 2011

Mind Of Man: Don’t Judge Me By The Book I’m Reading

I’d like to sincerely apologize to the cute nerd girl intently reading the emo-vampire epic Twilight on the New York City subway: I’m sorry for judging you. This happened about six months ago and I sniffed at you for eagerly devouring a young adult novel about a very special girl and her boyfriend, a really…

John DeVore / April 15, 2011

Mind Of Man: The Super Friends Are My Emotional Support System

Advice is a past mistake regifted. So I’m enjoying Christmas in March. Everyone I know has offered me advice about getting over a breakup and each piece of advice is a piece of personal pain with a ribbon tied around it. I appreciate it, of course. I listen dutifully and say “I hadn’t thought of…

John DeVore / March 30, 2011

Mind Of Man: How To Get Over A Breakup

I’m single, which is working out great because I hate grooming. My ex is awesome, but between you and me and the internet, she could be a total bitch about “soap and water.” Whatever! Now I’m free to wallow in my own filth and believe me, I stink hard. Sure, I look like a lumberjack…

John DeVore / March 23, 2011

Mind Of Man: Why Men Prefer “Innocent” Girls To “Whorey Slutosauruses”

This week’s column was inspired by a recent article on entitled “Why Men Prefer Innocent Girls To Bad Girls.”

The other day, some guys and I were chillaxing in my pal Josh’s sweet hot tub doing what guys do which is hang out and be real and we were discussing “innocent” girls versu…

John DeVore / March 9, 2011

Mind Of Man: Why Frat Boys Are The New Hippies

To those of you too busy reading about the historic uprisings in the Middle East, let me catch you up really quickly on the ongoing turmoil in the faraway country of Charlie Sheen. The millionaire sitcom star has been publicly self-destructing. Years of alleged substance abuse, marital problems and bizarre behaviors have, apparently, climaxed. Over…

John DeVore / March 3, 2011

Mind Of Man: Why You’re Not Married

The reason you’re not married yet is because I don’t really care why you’re not married and no one else does, either. Seriously, nobody cares. You shouldn’t care. Marriage isn’t a tiara. It’s not a ribbon to cut or one of those big novelty lottery checks. You don’t “deserve” a husband. You’re not Veruca Salt.

John DeVore / February 23, 2011

Mind Of Man: How We Say “I Love You” (Without Actually Saying, “I Love You”)

In honor of Valentine’s Day, we’re rerunning the very first Mind of Man which originally was published in February 2008. It’s an oldie, but SUCH a goodie.

OK ladies, check it out: We love you. We love watching your sleeping face glow on our 150-thread count pillowcases. We love that mischievous glint in your…

John DeVore / February 9, 2011

Mind Of Man: Snow Sucks When You’re Single

As I write this, the floating concrete mall known as Manhattan is experiencing a “wintery mix,” which is what happens when Old Man Winter has food poisoning. Walking to work this morning I got snow up my nose, elbowed in the fat wings by a grumpy Hobbit wrapped in scarves waiting for the subway, and…

John DeVore / February 2, 2011

Mind Of Man: Why Men Cheat (The Abbreviated Version)

So long as love rides shotgun in your life, nothing can ever truly be that bad. It is the singular prize that trumps all others, the reward that sweetens every success. Truly, it is the hot fudge on the ice cream scoops of personal achievement. Now, excuse me while I puke a little in my…

John DeVore / January 20, 2011

Mind Of Man: Why Douchebags Are Called Douchebags

Douchebags were a conspiracy of the patriarchy, a medieval-looking invention that simultaneously suggested that female sex organs were filthy, stinky and repulsive to men, and promised to cure this imaginary affliction. But it doesn’t cure anything. Douchebags can, in fact, upset the natural bacterial culture of the vagina that protects the organ from infection.

John DeVore / January 6, 2011

Mind Of Man: Why Is Xmas So Sexy?

This column originally appeared on The Frisky on December 24, 2008.

Trojan condoms report their highest sales of the year take place in the week between Christmas and New Year’s Eve. Researchers attribute this spike to holiday downtime, New Year’s resolutions to get knocked up, and booze-fueled Yuletide revelry. It seems counter-intuitive, and almost…

John DeVore / December 25, 2010

Mind Of Man: New Year’s Resolutions Are For Suckers

The New Year always makes me melancholy. If New York had moors, I’d spend the New Year sulking around the fog in a billowy shirt with a raven on my shoulder. While everyone else says “hello” to the next 12 months, I usually spend this time of year reflecting on the past 12 months. I…

John DeVore / December 23, 2010

Mind Of Man: What Men Want For Christmas

Men would rather give than receive. Keep this in mind, ladies, as you freak out, panic, and wring your hands over what to get your beloved for Christmas. Around this time of year, I offer my services to various female friends who are all on maddening quests to buy their boyfriends and their husbands the…

John DeVore / December 15, 2010

Mind Of Man: In Defense Of Catcalls

Yeah, I can’t really defend catcalls and I tried. I told myself that this uniquely male sport is harmless fun. That it’s flattering, almost charming. Who else would shout compliments to a woman but a hopeless romantic? Besides, having a construction worker shout “lookin’ good” must appeal to a woman’s vanity, right? It’s not like…

John DeVore / December 8, 2010

Mind Of Man: Yet Another Deep, Dark Secret Of Mine

I have something to confess: I am a huge fan of Bravo’s reality show “Millionaire Matchmaker,” and I have a crush on its star, matchmaker Patti Stanger. Usually a feeling of relief accompanies a confession. But I am ashamed. I feel like I should staple my palm to my face. Bravo TV is a slick…

John DeVore / December 1, 2010

Mind Of Man: I Do Not Suffer Dating Coaches Gladly

Breaking news: I am not a “dating coach.” Yes, I sort of give dating and relationship advice. I write about relationships and love and cupcakes and samurai for this site. I also dispense advice for other websites, and I’ve written for lady magazines, primarily because sleaze pays very well. But to answer a reader who…

John DeVore / November 24, 2010

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