Recently, I rambled about The Big Switcheroo – men and women adopting each other’s worst gender behaviors. The diatribe was equal parts self-indulgence and genuine confusion. Are men really becoming needy, emotional leeches and women emotionally void predators? I suppose no one said the collective lurch towards equality was going to be pretty. And I’d like to add that it seems no one is really having any fun. It’s never fun being someone who you’re not.
But enough Danny Downer. Keep reading »
Women are emotionally-vacant pigs and men are emotionally-unstable psychos.
Wait. That’s not right.
But it is in so many ways. Welcome to the new millennium, boys and girls, where gender equality means “let’s adopt the worst of each other’s stereotypes.” It’s a madcap race to the bottom rung of the sexual identity ladder. Wheee! Keep reading »
We love sex. You love sex. Well, that’s out of the way.
Seeing as we’re both in agreement over the importance of sex, the excitement of sex, the giggle-inducing, gasp-inspiring, slow-motion tsunami of gooseflesh-triggering awesomeness of sex, we can move on to why it is we can’t really talk about S-E-X.
Women think men are mysterious when it comes to knocking boots, or worse, single-minded and simplistic. We’re not. You’re mysterious, and that’s not playground rhetoric. The difference between what we want and what you want, our needs and yours, is the difference between banal home theater instruction manuals and more exotic hieroglyphics.
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The good news is this: the first date was a success – the quirky, out of the way Thai place he picked was charming and he paid for the dinner discreetly. He didn’t inhale beer like a frat boy on a mission from God to get drizzzunk. His listened intently to your every word, and never, ever mentioned any of his exes. The hug goodbye wasn’t awkward, in fact, the both of you simultaneously lingered for a brief, awesome moment. On your way home, as you batted away the hearts and rainbows swirling around your head like little candy-coated moons, he texts you that he had a great time and he hopes to see you soon.
Indulge me as I imagine the single word racing through your she-noggin like a unicorn galloping through a lollipop forest. That word is “ZOMG.”
But the second date looms, ladies, and it’s your date to screw up. Keep reading »