Profile for John DeVore

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Mind Of Man: In Defense Of Fart Jokes

There are plenty of things men don’t understand about women. Like why you insist on leaving the toilet seat down. Or buy candles that smell like food. Or give pointers on pooping etiquette. Or analyze the gender politics of bowel movements. Would somebody please explain the allure of gloomy teenage vampires dry humping? To be fair, there are plenty of things women don’t understand about men. Like why we find flatulence so amusing. In the interest of gender relations, I will explain this. Keep reading »

Mind Of Man: This Dude Owes His Career To A Feminist

Mind Of Man

I would not be blogging about the various and amusing differences between dudes and chicks for fun and profit if it were not for a boss who dressed like she was ready to hit a late-’90s girl power soft rock music festival at a moment’s notice. 

When I moved to New York 15 years ago, I was lucky to find any work. I had no connections, no money, and no marketable skills. I had a degree in playwriting which qualified me to brood. I was too sweaty to wait tables, too goofy to work in sales, and when the temp agency put me in front of a computer, I looked like a monkey with a Rubik’s cube. I tied my only tie with all of the grace of a hangman. That tie was baboon ass red.   Keep reading »

Mind Of Man: Cut Peter Pan Some Slack

Mind Of Man

Women are always complaining that the men in their lives suffer from “Peter Pan Syndrome.” It’s a standard, catchall criticism that chicks levy willy-nilly on dudes for any number of relationship misdemeanors or faux pas. It refers to the title character in J.M. Barrie’s classic, turn-of-last-century play and novel about a precocious young boy who refuses to grow up. And modern ladies love to slap this armchair diagnosis on any male behavior that is inconvenient to their self-interest. Keep reading »

Mind Of Man: If You Have Curly Hair, You Should Read This

Mind Of Man

At the risk of perpetuating the myth that there are differences between men and women, allow me to suggest one tiny little quirk that separates penis-enabled humanoids from the vagina-enhanced. Women think that men have manifold opinions about their hairstyles. This is not true. We barely have opinions about our own hair. Mostly, men just worry about whether they have hair or not. Then our thoughts become very mission-oriented. Shave it all or get a trim? Shampoo or shampoo AND condition? Goop or no goop? Blow dry or how does this stupid thing work or what’s a blow dryer? Keep reading »

Mind Of Man: When Food Is More Important Than Sex

When food has replaced sex in your relationship, it’s pretty much over. If you’re a month or so into a relationship and you both find yourself face-planting bowls of pasta on a Friday night instead of giving yourselves reason to clean your sheets on Saturday morning, something is not right. Favorite foods are not a substitute for favorite sexual positions. Keep reading »

Mind Of Man: Modern Men Know How To Cook

Men know how to cook, because we have the right incentive to cook. Once upon a time, when men were men and women were women and men were cartoon gorillas and women were porcelain princesses, the man made money and the woman made casseroles. Men stayed out of the kitchen, and women stayed out of the workplace. 

But times change. For instance: in the 1960s, people drove their car from the suburbs to an office building in the city. Today, we fly in jet packs from blimp cities to subterranean bunkers deep beneath the scorched earth. Also, women are working more and cooking less, and men are working less and cooking more. But let me be clear, we’re cooking because it impress the hell out of women. Are women too easily impressed? Maybe.  Keep reading »

Mind Of Man: An Open Letter To Kim Kardashian

Where Are The Men?
John DeVore on where his kind are hiding. Read More »
Kim's Wedding Bounty
kim kardashian divorce photo
What Kim should do with the $17.9 million she earned. Read More »
Kardashian Divorce
kim kardashian and kris humphries photo
It was 72 whole days of wedded bliss! Read More »

Dearest Kim,

I realize this must be a difficult time for you. I know it is for me.  When I heard of your recent divorce from Kris Humphries, I wondered if I was naïve to still believe in love. But I do believe in love, Kim. Which is why I think you should look at this recent romantic setback as an opportunity. What I’m about to suggest might seem crazy. But love is crazy, Kim. Love wears pants made out of bubble-wrap and a bath mat cape. Love hides under your bed and eats stale snack cakes. When you sleep, love kisses your eyelashes and draws hearts on your forehead with lipstick. Keep reading »

Mind Of Man: Where To Meet Men

I’ll tell you where to find eligible, sensitive, loving, manly men are, and that’s Queens, which is like Brooklyn, if Brooklyn didn’t try so hard. This magical borough in New York City is positively thick with emo blog hacks from Texas. But if this gritty urban paradise isn’t convenient, then the next best place to meet men is, you know, wherever. Keep reading »

Mind Of Man: Sex & The Zombie Apocalypse

When the dead walk and the world is plunged into chaos, the only dating advice that will matter is this: the couple that beheads zombies together, stays together. But that advice doesn’t just work in a dark future where corpses hunger for human flesh. It is very practical dating advice for right now, in these last, few remaining years when the deceased stay in their coffins, rather than clawing out from their graves. 

Keep reading »

Mind Of Man: The Types Of Women You Shouldn’t Date

Women are always writing blog posts about the types of men who shouldn’t be dated, like overgrown frat boys, mole people, and men who still bathe with their mothers. Well, two can play at that game! I see your stereotype and raise you a bunch! Here are the types of women no man should date.

Keep reading »

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