John DeVore

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Guys

At the risk of perpetuating the myth that there are differences between men and women, allow me to suggest one tiny little quirk that separates penis-enabled humanoids from the vagina-enhanced. Women think that men have manifold opinions about their hairstyles. This is not true. We barely have opinions about our own hair. Mostly, men just… READ MORE »


Guys

When food has replaced sex in your relationship, it’s pretty much over. If you’re a month or so into a relationship and you both find yourself face-planting bowls of pasta on a Friday night instead of giving yourselves reason to clean your sheets on Saturday morning, something is not right. Favorite foods are not a… READ MORE »


Guys

Men know how to cook, because we have the right incentive to cook. Once upon a time, when men were men and women were women and men were cartoon gorillas and women were porcelain princesses, the man made money and the woman made casseroles. Men stayed out of the kitchen, and women stayed out of… READ MORE »


Guys

Dearest Kim,

I realize this must be a difficult time for you. I know it is for me.  When I heard of your recent divorce from Kris Humphries, I wondered if I was naïve to still believe in love. But I do believe in love, Kim. Which is why I… READ MORE »


Guys

I’ll tell you where to find eligible, sensitive, loving, manly men are, and that’s Queens, which is like Brooklyn, if Brooklyn didn’t try so hard. This magical borough in New York City is positively thick with emo blog hacks from Texas. But if this gritty urban paradise isn’t convenient, then the next best place to… READ MORE »


Guys

When the dead walk and the world is plunged into chaos, the only dating advice that will matter is this: the couple that beheads zombies together, stays together. But that advice doesn’t just work in a dark future where corpses hunger for human flesh. It is very practical dating advice for right now, in these… READ MORE »


Guys

Women are always writing blog posts about the types of men who shouldn’t be dated, like overgrown frat boys, mole people, and men who still bathe with their mothers. Well, two can play at that game! I see your stereotype and raise you a bunch! Here are the types of women no man should date. READ MORE »


Guys

The old cliché warns against judging a book by its cover, and this is especially true when sizing up a lover. You just can’t tell how sexually adventurous a person is by looking at them. Appearances don’t always deceive; sometimes they just obscure the truth. And I’ve learned over the years that just because she… READ MORE »


Guys

I had a plan on September 10th, 2001. It was a rough plan, just broad strokes, really. But it was a plan. Because men make plans. You can’t build a bridge or pull off a bank heist or rescue a hostage without a plan. So I had a plan to get my life in order. READ MORE »


Guys

My lady friend asked me if I thought it was “absurd” to want to be monogamous with someone and I immediately told her that I did not think it was absurd. It’s absurd to want to be monogamous with a rhinoceros or a pineapple. Especially pineapples, because they are the sluttiest fruit. But I do… READ MORE »


Love & Sex

First dates are like job interviews. If you say the wrong thing, or fail to groom, or act like an obnoxious loon, then chances are good you’re going to stay unemployed. When you’re on that first date, be on your best behavior.

This list of dumb first date mistakes is meant to help. READ MORE »


Guys

Men lie because the shortest distance between what they want and getting it is a rickety rope bridge swaying back and forth over a bottomless chasm that creaks when you put your foot on it. It is possible to inch across that bridge and get to the other side. But it’s more likely that the… READ MORE »


Guys

A recent study has concluded that it doesn’t pay to be a “nice” guy. Scientists have found that men who are “agreeable” in the workplace don’t earn as much money as men who are more cutthroat. This groundbreaking finding serves to prove that tired old saying that “nice guys finish last.” When did you become… READ MORE »


Guys

Romance is project management. All successful romantic gestures are the result of one person observing, plotting and executing a plan. Sometimes the plan is big and bold like a prison break. Sometimes it’s quick like a commando raid. I had a girlfriend once who forgave me my comic book addiction and remembered that I was… READ MORE »


Guys

It’s amazing what a man will do when he is both horny and bored. I firmly believe all of man’s great contributions to civilization were a direct result of boredom and sexual frustration. Alexander the Great conquered the ancient world because he was bored and horny. Galileo turned his telescope to the stars because he… READ MORE »


Guys

I have recently been accused of being “bitter.” This accusation has been at the heart of various criticisms of recent blog posts I have written. Those blog posts include a recent rant about first dates, and the hilariously absurd insecurities that ritual inspires. I also wrote an obnoxious review of the new “Harry Potter” movie,… READ MORE »


Guys

I think “tapas” is actually Spanish for “Hey, these people will spend a lot of money to eat small portions of food off of tiny plates.” The whole idea of “tapas” was probably invented in the ’70s as a way to fleece English-speaking tourists who found appetizers sold as entrees charming and rustic. I hate… READ MORE »


Guys

Haven’t I written about why men cheat before? Can’t I write about anal sex? Again? For the third or fourth time in my career as a hack? If it weren’t for the perpetually hot topic of “why men cheat,” the entire gender-industrial complex would collapse.

Men cheat because people are jerks. Selfishness is… READ MORE »



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