John DeVore

What Is This “Pegging” You Speak Of?

On last night's episode of "Broad City" -- which you should be watching because it is hilarious -- Abby hooked up with her hot, bearded, woodworking, homebrewing neighbor Jeremy, and was somewhat shocked to discover that his idea of "switching it up" entailed pegging him in the ass. This gave me the excuse I needed…
By: John DeVore / February 5, 2015

I Am Addicted To Netflix Which Is Why I Steal Money From My Mother

I am addicted to Netflix, which is why I steal money from my sweet, elderly mother. I love her so much. She was always there for me growing up. But I just can’t get enough of Kevin Spacey and Robin Wright in “House Of Cards.” I watched both seasons in one weekend. I missed my…
By: John DeVore / January 27, 2015

I Can’t Go To Your Holiday Party Because I’m An Introvert Who Has Better Things To Do

I can’t go to your holiday because I’m an introvert who has better things to do. You wouldn’t understand because you’re not an introvert. You’re probably an extrovert, or worse, a warm, emotionally-stable person who can relate to other people. I’m an introvert. Ask my life coach. He says I’m an introvert, which is what…
By: John DeVore / December 17, 2014

You Hate Musicals Because You Are Dead Inside

I love musicals. Oh, you hate musicals? Really? I’ll get to you and your opinion in a second. First, I’m making a public confession: I am a white, heterosexual man who loves musicals. I don’t give a shit who knows. You are not your demographic. The people who make up focus groups are demented huma…
By: John DeVore / June 9, 2014

Mind Of Man: Why Men Send Pictures Of Their Penises

This week's Anthony Weiner dick pic scandal -- part two! -- reminded me of this hilarious column written by our dear Mind of Man, John DeVore. Let's learn, from an actual man, why dudes like to send pictures of their penises. -- Amelia Men send pictures of their penises because we want the…
By: John DeVore / July 28, 2013

Guy Talk: Lena Dunham Is Sexy And That’s The Final Word On That

The best way to define what is “sexy” is to first define what is not sexy. Duck face? Not sexy. Fake tans? Not sexy. Internet think pieces about how some young woman making millions in the public aquarium isn’t sexy? Not sexy AND IRONIC. Lena Dunham’s character Hannah in “Girls” is sexy. Apparently this i…
By: John DeVore / February 12, 2013

Mind Of Man: It’s So Hard To Say Goodbye

I think it was Shakespeare who wrote, “It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.” Yup. I’m pretty sure he wrote that. It is hard to say goodbye. I am not a fan of it. I try to avoid actually saying it if I can. But you can’t always avoid it. Which is why I…
By: John DeVore / March 19, 2012

Mind Of Man: Valentine’s Day Is Not So Bad

Valentine's Day shouldn't be about who loves you, but whom you love. It's the one day out of the year when you should take account of those people in your life who make you gleefully vomit little candy hearts. Being loved back isn't nearly as important in life as boldly, recklessly, sincerely loving someone…
By: John DeVore / February 2, 2012

Mind Of Man: We Broke Up Because Of Her Weird Fetish

The breakup was amicable, and mutual in the sense that we were both slightly relieved it was over. Before we parted ways at the bar, she confessed that it bothered her that I always wanted to watch TV after we had sex. I said nothing and just nodded. Why wouldn’t I want to watch TV…
By: John DeVore / January 25, 2012

Mind Of Man: All That Jizz

A recent essay about “facials” really got me thinking.  Why is it that the act of ejaculating on a woman’s face is called a “facial”? Is semen an astringent? It seems to me that the act could be called something manlier, like “spackling,” or more … inviting? Women love cupcakes. Why not call the sex…
By: John DeVore / January 13, 2012

Mind Of Man: S**t I Say To Myself When I’m Alone

"It’s not ‘talking to yourself’. It’s 'engaging in a conversation with your needs.'" "Hello internet porn, how are you today?" "Where did I put that Slim Jim??" "(random laughter for no reason)" "We all die alone." "Please text me back please text me back." "I’m out of Captain Crunch. My life sucks." "I’m Batman."…
By: John DeVore / January 11, 2012

Mind Of Man: So Many Condoms, So Little Time

Somewhere, last night, a young man stood in his apartment wearing nothing but a condom.  He stretched  his arms out, closed his eyes, and whispered “if I wear it, they will come. THEN COME AND COME AGAIN.” The condom was one of dozens he keeps strategically hidden throughout his apartment. He keeps a pile i…
By: John DeVore / January 4, 2012

Mind Of Man: My New Year’s Resolution

My New Years resolution is to be less stupid. I don’t usually make New Years resolutions, or as I call them, Last Year’s regrets. Usually, I just think they're for suckers. The only people who benefit from New Year’s resolutions are the therapists who profit from disappointment maintenance. But this year is going…
By: John DeVore / December 28, 2011

Mind Of Man: The Gift That Will Get You Laid

The current historic economic nosedive has two unintended consequences. One of them is that hobos just aren't really cute anymore. Maybe they never were. All these years I thought they were adorable dirty clowns, carrying little bundles tied to the ends of sticks. I never realized those bundles were full of cans of beans and…
By: John DeVore / December 23, 2011

Mind Of Man: In Defense Of Fart Jokes

There are plenty of things men don’t understand about women. Like why you insist on leaving the toilet seat down. Or buy candles that smell like food. Or give pointers on pooping etiquette. Or analyze the…
By: John DeVore / December 14, 2011

Mind Of Man: This Dude Owes His Career To A Feminist

I would not be blogging about the various and amusing differences between dudes and chicks for fun and profit if it were not for a boss who dressed like she was ready to hit a late-'90s girl power soft rock music festival at a moment’s notice.  When I moved to New York 15 years ago,…
By: John DeVore / December 7, 2011

Mind Of Man: Cut Peter Pan Some Slack

Women are always complaining that the men in their lives suffer from “Peter Pan Syndrome.” It’s a standard, catchall criticism that chicks levy willy-nilly on dudes for any number of relationship misdemeanors or faux pas. It refers to the title character in J.M. Barrie’s classic, turn-of-last-century play and novel about a precocious young boy who…
By: John DeVore / December 1, 2011

Mind Of Man: If You Have Curly Hair, You Should Read This

At the risk of perpetuating the myth that there are differences between men and women, allow me to suggest one tiny little quirk that separates penis-enabled humanoids from the vagina-enhanced. Women think that men have manifold opinions about their hairstyles. This is not true. We barely have opinions about our own hair. Mostly, men just…
By: John DeVore / November 17, 2011

Mind Of Man: When Food Is More Important Than Sex

When food has replaced sex in your relationship, it’s pretty much over. If you’re a month or so into a relationship and you both find yourself face-planting bowls of pasta on a Friday night instead of giving yourselves reason to clean your sheets on Saturday morning, something is not right. Favorite foods are not a…
By: John DeVore / November 10, 2011

Mind Of Man: Modern Men Know How To Cook

Men know how to cook, because we have the right incentive to cook. Once upon a time, when men were men and women were women and men were cartoon gorillas and women were porcelain princesses, the man made money and the woman made casseroles. Men stayed out of the kitchen, and women stayed out of…
By: John DeVore / November 9, 2011

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