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Morning Quickies: Calm Down, Kate Middleton Is Not Pregnant With Twins

kate middleton and prince william photo
  • Kate Middleton is not pregnant with twins, you sick people obsessed with what’s going on in other women’s wombs. The palace denied a tabloid report that the Duchess is expecting, although it confirmed William and Kate do hope to have kids someday. [Us Weekly]
  • Reese Witherspoon was hit by a car while jogging and taken to a hospital. Fortunately the actress was not seriously injured. The elderly driver was cited for failing to yield to a pedestrian in a crosswalk. [People]
  • Kelis is throwing shade at Katy Perry, announcing in an interview, “Katy Perry is crap. It’s just poor pop.” Damn! [Starpulse]

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Less Is More In These “Mad Men” Season 5 Posters

Mad Men” season five is still months and months away, and these unofficial promo posters are only adding to the anticipation. Whose lipstick is that? What’s in those letters? Do the sunglasses mean Don is going to California again? Am I just overthinking everything? Probably. Like I said, these posters are not official but they were done by an ad agency for AMC so I can’t help but wonder, What does it all meaaaaan? 2012, get here already! (Check out one more perplexing poster after the jump.) [Buzzfeed] Keep reading »

Evening Quickies: Jessica Simpson Loves Her Boobies

  • After weeks of bizarre rumors swirling that Jessica Simpson would get a breast reduction before her wedding, she finally took to Twitter to school the fools. “Been getting lots of questions about this alleged breast reduction,” Simpson tweeted. “Not to worry … I LOVE MY BOOBIES!! They aren’t going anywhere!” Come now, did anyone serious think she’d get rid of those boobs? [Celebuzz]
  • Swoon: Idris Elba, one of the most attractive men on the planet, is the new face of SmartWater. [Essence]
  • Taylor Swift and Joe Jonas are back in contact and possibly rekindling an old flame. Well, at least he would be an age-appropriate romance for her. [US Weekly]
  • Check out all these U.S. Open hotties — yum! [Tres Sugar]

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Today’s Lady News: Rick Perry Supports Anti-Abortion “Heartbeat Bill”

  • Rick Perry, a contender for the Republican presidential nomination, has thrown his support behind Ohio’s anti-abortion “heartbeat bill,” which would criminalize an abortion as early as a fetal heartbeat can be detected (which can be six or seven weeks). I would like to hibernate until this election is over. Can I do that? [Think Progress]
  • The First Lady is calling on Americans to volunteer their time on 9/11 to honor the National Day of Service and Remembrance. Will you be volunteering? [Essence]
  • Blogger Alyssa Rosenberg at Think Progress asks, at what point do depictions of rape or domestic violence in pop culture become gratuitous? [Think Progress]

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Feminists Can’t Get Laid, Say Ladies On Fox News

“After decades and decades and decades of feminists burning their bras, saying, ‘Make more money than men, do this, run over men, have sex like a man, tell your man what to do, don’t let them open the door —’ they’re not happy with the product, are ya ladies? A lot of them are older, they’re not married, and they’re not getting you-know-what.”

— This is “Fox News” talking head Andrea Tantaros on a program called “The Five,” explaining that the real reason you should let a man pay for dates is so you don’t become a shriveled-up sexless spinster.

Later in the segment, when another panelist says that some men enjoy treating a woman, Tartaros exclaims, “That’s how men are designed!” Her colleague helpfully chimes in, “Let a man be a man! Don’t turn him into a eunuch! Gee, we don’t need any of them lying around!” Yikes. I feel sorry for any man who dates these women and is forced to act out her gender role fantasies, rather than choosing them for himself. For the record, all the feminists I know are getting plenty of “you-know-what,” regardless of who pays on dates! [Media Matters For America via Feministing] Keep reading »

Where Can I Get A Birth Control Ninja?

If you’re big whores like we are, you’re intimately familiar with the panoply of birth control options out there. The Pill. The patch. The Depo Provera shot. And of course, good old condoms. So we are delighted to hear there is a new option for those of us who are not responsible enough to feed and care for a goldfish, much less a baby: the birth control ninja. This tiny ninja hangs out inside your ladyparts and kicks the ass of any sperm that tries to sully one of your precious eggs. Quick, get yours now before the religious right gets them banned! [YouTube] Keep reading »

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