Profile for Jessica Wakeman

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What’s That On My Fingernails? Oh, Just Some “Jizz” Nail Polish

Call me prissy, but … ew. The painfully hip jewelry designers/bloggers at BleachBlack have proudly created a fetching new nail polish color called “Jizz.” It’s a sheen, pearly white — both “punk and feminine,” says Refinery29. I think I’ll stick with Essie and their polish colors that haven’t been inspired by ejaculation. But if you desperately need “Jizz” on your fingers, it should be available on NeedSupply.com for about $12.95 soon. [Refinery29] Keep reading »

Michelle McGee Actually Says Something Intelligent: “Stop Taking It Out On The Mistresses”

Face-tattooed, neo-Nazi Michelle “Bombshell” McGee has actually said something not completely insane/inane. Stop the presses! PopEater tells us in an interview with the gossip show “Inside Edition,” McGee implored America:

“I want to say the rest of the country, ‘Stop taking it out on the mistresses and start taking it out on the men who are cheating on their wives.’ Why are these men getting off scot-free when the mistresses are considered whore and we’re stepped on and we’re booed and we’re called nasty names?”

Damn straight, girl. That’s called the sexual double standard and it sucks. Keep reading »

Elizabeth Berkley Is Writing … A Self-Help Book?

Screech does porn, AC Slater hosts Miss America pageants, and Jessie Spano writes self-help books. Yes, Elizabeth Berkley is writing a “self-esteem handbook for teen girls.” Penguin Young Readers Group is expected to publish the 37-year-old’s musings next spring. This one’s certainly a head-scratcher! “Saved By The Bell” went off the air in 1993 — like, when today’s current crop of teens came screaming out from between their moms’ legs. OK, maybe Berkley really is a self-help guru. Still, the whole world has seen her nakeybits in the (not particularly well-received) film “Showgirls,” which may, uh, damage her credibility in some circles.

Besides, I’m not totally sure I’d want to take advice from someone whose most famous flick has set an all-time record for Razzie awards. But what do y’all think? [Yahoo] Keep reading »

Breaking News: Boobs Are For Breastfeeding, Too!

Shocking, I know, but I had to break the news some time: Our fabulous funbags are actually biologically designed to feed hungry babies, not just to look tasty in a Body by Victoria C-cup. Alas, some Neanderthals can’t handle such a bombshell about breasts — namely, folks in corporate America who’ll do everything from tweet (and delete!) to kick a nursing mother out of a restaurant at the slightest hint of a snacking infant.

After the jump, two recent breastfeeding incidents that make us think we could all use a Biology 101 refresher course. Keep reading »

Today’s Lady News: The First Rule Of Getting Butt Implants

  • The first rule of getting butt implants is make sure your “surgeon” actually has a license to practice medicine. A Queens spa owner, Barbara Nieto, 27, was charged Friday with assault, unlawfully practicing medicine and endangering the life of a client. For the low, low cost of $500, Nieto allegedly removed fat from Augusta Velez’s stomach and injected it into her butt. Velez ended up in the hospital to avoid a dangerous septic infection. [New York Daily News]
  • Nebraska’s Gov. Dave Heineman plans to sign into law a bill that bans abortions after 20 weeks. Abortions in the second- and third-trimester are already illegal in most circumstances, but Nebraska’s bill is based on the assumption a fetus can feel pain by 20 weeks. [AP]
  • Here’s a Craigslist posting under “Freelance Writer Desired”: “Four literary gentlemen seek prominently published female freelance writer for wholesome strip tease.” Please tell me this is a joke? [Gawker]

Keep reading »

Conan O’Brien Is Such A Doll!

Are you with Coco? Late night’s favorite spurned redhead gets the Etsy treatment — with a detachable beard to show whether he’s on air or off, natch. [Etsy] Keep reading »

Quotable: Christian Louboutin Says His Clients Are “Tarts”

“Half of my women want a shoe to make them look a little tarty and the other half are big tarts who want a shoe that looks classy.”

— Shoe designer Christian Louboutin, who might need a better publicist [Vanity Fair] Keep reading »

What Is “Penazzling”? It’s Vajazzling For Him, Duh!

Let’s get this straight: “vajazzling” — blinging out one’s ladyparts with pretty crystals (I guess so a guy doesn’t have to look at your icky pubic hair during sex?) — gets Jennifer Love Hewitt as an enthusiastic ambassador. But the first macho man to undergo a “penazzling” procedure gets his face blurred on the internet, sex victim-style, and he doesn’t even have crystals glued onto his penis?!?! Keep reading »

Quotable: Carey Mulligan Should Have Married A Banker?

“‘Pride & Prejudice’ was my first job. I was at boarding school and I met [actor] Julian Fellowes. He came to give a talk. I told him I wanted be an actress and he said, ‘Well, that’s silly. Marry a banker.’”

— Actress Carey Mulligan of “An Education” and, humorously enough, “Wall Street 2.” Hey, I bet Shia LaBeouf hears this all the time. [Wonderland Magazine] Keep reading »

NJ Parents Freak Over Boys’ “Crossdressing” Fashion Show At Elementary School

It’s never too early to reinforce gender roles!

Wilkins Elementary School in Maple Shade Township has canceled its third grade class’ Women’s History Month fashion show after (wait for it … ) a parent complained that the boys and girls were both asked to create an outfit from a period of women’s history, like the ’20s or the ’70s. Teacher Tonya Uibel sent home a packet for parents (which included photos of style icons like Madonna and Twiggy) and said kids should create an outfit to better understand how women’s fashion and women’s roles have changed over time. Keep reading »

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