Profile for Jessica Wakeman

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Single Ladies Rejoice! Living With Someone Causes Weight Gain

Dang it, we knew there had to be a trade-off for getting sex on demand when you live with a partner: A recent Australian study of 6,000 women has shown that, after 10 years, the average gal gains 15 lbs. if she lives with a partner and 20 lbs. if she lives with someone and has a baby. According to The New York Times, “There is no reason to believe that having a partner causes metabolic changes, so the weight gain among childless women with partners was almost surely caused by altered behavior.” You know, like those post-coital pints of Cherry Garcia.

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Andrew From “Real World D.C.” Likes To Draw Rape-y Cartoons

Cartoonist Andrew Woods, the most irritating cast member on MTV’s “Real World: D.C.,” is even more unscrewable than originally thought. Amanda Hess at The Sexist ransacked his student newspaper archives and found that a bunch of Woods’ cartoons are about date-raping women. Yes, rape, the most giggly of topics! Wannabe-brodawg Andrew’s oeuvre damn near entirely consists of cartoons about liquoring women up so he can get laid, which is very much in the style of Tucker Max‘s body of work: women + too much alcohol + scampish naughtiness = pushing the borderlines of consent as a “joke.”

Let’s check out Andrew’s rape-y cartoons, after the jump! Keep reading »

Today’s Lady News: “I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell” Heads To The Stage?

  • The artistic director of a theater company has bought the rights to turn Tucker Max‘s magnum opus, I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, into a stage production. I hope they serve beer at any future performances, because I will need it. [Gawker]
  • “The Blind Side,” starring Sandra Bullock, is the first female-driven flick to earn over $200 million at the domestic box office. [Variety]
  • The city of Dallas is pioneering a program to help the city’s truck stop prostitutes, instead of jail them. Police there are now treating prostitutes like “sex crime victims” and nudging drug-addicted sex workers towards rehab, screening them for STDs and gathering info on abusive pimps. [NPR]

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Poll: Could You Marry A Man In Suspenders?

Is there something you couldn't stand your groom wearing on your wedding day?

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Marc Jacobs Weds His Longtime Boyfriend In St. Barts

Who the hell weds in suspenders? Marc Jacobs‘ new husband does! After a year-long engagement, Jacobs and his longtime boyfriend, Lorenzo Martone, tied the knot last week in a private ceremony in St. Barts. (Aha, this must be why they were snapping saucy photos there!) Besides a groom in suspenders, the schmancy fete included a flower-strewn pool, guests like Russell Simmons, and the cutest mini-me cake toppers we’ve ever seen. The “Marc” cake topper is even wearing the designer’s signature kilt! Congratulations to the happy couple—and stay tuned for copycat-suspender grooms to come. [Guest Of A Guest] Keep reading »

Why Is Tiger Woods America’s Bad Guy, Not Charlie Sheen?

On Christmas night, I sauntered into the kitchen to pour myself a glass of milk when my dad turned away from the TV to tell me that Charlie Sheen had been arrested for domestic violence. A major TV star? Domestic violence on Christmas? Zut alors! Blogger Jessica sprang to action: I hit up TMZ and typed out a post as quickly as I could. This will be huge, I thought.

It was all for naught, though. The Charlie Sheen story never became a Really Big Deal like the Tiger Woods scandal did. Maybe Woods’ established good-guy reputation is more fun to rip apart and all the mistresses are dishier. Or maybe Sheen’s lawyers really were successful in their effort to keep Brooke Mueller quiet and the controversy has been muffled into submission. (Last we heard, Mueller’s lawyers said the two just had a “bad night”—um, my bad nights don’t involve death threats!) Or maybe the nation just has Charlie Sheen Is A Douche fatigue.

But I don’t: Sheen allegedly held a knife to his wife’s throat and threatened to kill her—and he’s been convicted of physically abusing a girlfriend in the past. And yet the public reaction isn’t even one-tenth as much as the Tiger Woods scandal reaction. Since when is cheating worse than beating? Keep reading »

A Cigar Won’t Bring Out The Caveman In Your Man Anymore

Oh, pervy cigar ad, how fortunate we are that you are old, so we can laugh at you.

Red Lipstick And Leopard Print Lady doesn’t exactly look like she “needs” to be clubbed over the head and dragged to bed, though. [AdWeek] Keep reading »

Alexa Ray Joel, Evangelist For “Heartbreak-Related Depression”

When songstress Alexa Ray Joel landed in the hospital after trying to OD on a handful of homeopathic pain pills in her NYC apartment, our hearts went out to her. Joel, 24, was apparently distraught over her breakup with band mate Jimmy Riot, 38, and swallowed the pills in a “cry for attention.” And no matter how famous your parents are—in Alexa’s case, Billy Joel and Christie Brinkley—breakups always make you feel like s**t. The good news is Joel is finding positive ways to work through her issues: She’s writing songs and she told New York Daily News she is at work on a project to teach “young girls with something I feel I know a great deal about: heartbreak-related depression.” Wait—what? Don’t nearly all breakups cause “heartbreak-related depression,” especially if you’re on the being-dumped side of things? Keep reading »

Today’s Lady News: Are Male Novelists Less Macho Now?

  • Controversial women’s issues writer Katie Roiphe penned an essay for Sunday’s New York Times Book Review lamenting what’s happened to male novelists writing about sex. In the ’60s and ’70s, many balked at the ravenous, at times violent, depictions of sexuality in books by writers like Philip Roth, John Updike and Norman Mailer. But the “Great Male Novelists” of today that Roiphe cites—men like Dave Eggers and Jonathan Franzen—write more passively and apologetically about sex. It’s another “let’s blame feminists for everything” type of piece, but it also led me to believe this woman has never heard of Tucker Max. [New York Times Book Review]
  • Legislators in Kansas hope to block $250,000 in federal funds for preventing unwanted pregnancies from going to two Planned Parenthood clinics. Ugh. Please stop being foolish, people! [Kansas.com]
  • Grr. Why is it that women who start their own businesses are called “lipstick entrepreneurs”? Can’t we just be regular entrepreneurs like men? [Times of London]

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Quotable: Billie Piper Takes Her Work Home With Her

“It’s funny. When [my husband] Laurence and I go out into the countryside, I think a few of the older locals actually believe I’m a whore … They follow him around, they want to mother him …Then they look at me and are like, ‘That slag! How could you dirty yourself with her? She’s corrupted you.’”

Billie Piper, star of “Secret Diary Of A Call Girl” [Daily Mail]
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