Profile for Jessica Wakeman

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Ha! Pranksters Replace Tiger’s Gatorade Bottles With “Unfaithful” Labels

Focus! That’s the slogan Gatorade wanted their “Gatorade Tiger Focus” beverage to be known for—not “unfaithful.” But despite the fact that Gatorade dropped its Tiger Woods drink in early December, some merry pranksters in Denver replaced the labels on Gatorade bottles with ones reading “UNFAITHFUL” where the company’s usual “FOCUS” message should be.

Ha! Bet Gatorade is P-I-S-S-E-D. [Yahoo Sports] Keep reading »

Quotable: Scary Things Have Happened To Channing Tatum’s Penis

“[While filming in freezing cold water] the only way to keep warm was by pouring a mix of boiling water and river water down your suit. We were finally done shooting for the day, and one of the crew guys asks if I want to warm up before I go. I’m like, ‘Nah, I’m good.’ And then I thought, ‘Why not?’ Thing is, he’d forgotten to dilute the kettle water. So he poured scalding water down my suit! And I was trying to pull the suit away from my body to somehow get away from the boiling water, and the more I pulled the suit away, the lower the water went. It just went straight down and pretty much burned the skin off the head of my d**k … I’ve been to the hospital, gotten stitches, had broken fingers and toes. But this was a suffocating kind of pain!”

—”Dear John” star Channing Tatum explains the worst day his penis has ever had [Details] Keep reading »

Girl Talk: I’m Addicted To “Platinum Weddings”

I feel like I need to issue a preemptive apology to my mother, my boyfriend’s mother and my boyfriend’s grandmother: I won’t be a “fun” bride.

I will probably be more of a wet blanket, really. I won’t get excited about table settings or flower girl dresses. I won’t even care about the cake (much). I’m a little excited about buying a special dress for the Big Day, but honestly, whenever I look at wedding dress prices, I start to hyperventilate. Keep reading »

Megan Fox Bares All In Sexy Ads For Emporio Armani

Rrrow! Megan Fox, like you’ve never seen her before!

Oh, who are we kidding? This ad for Emporio Armani underwear is like every photo shoot starring Miss Sexy Face. Not that we’re complaining, mind you. [Fashion Indie] Keep reading »

Today’s Lady News: Sarah Palin Joins Fox News

  • It was inevitable: Sarah Palin has signed with the Fox News Channel to appear “on a regular basis” as part of “a multi-year deal.” Alaska’s ex-guv will allegedly not get her own show, but instead “will host an occasional series.” Any guesses what her sure-to-be-entertaining series will cover? Put ‘em in the comments. [New York Times]
  • State Rep. Christine Johnson (D), a lesbian lawmaker in Utah, has announced she will be a surrogate parent for two gay male friends. Her pals are lucky to have a friend like Johnson: Utah’s state law forbids gay couples from adopting or being foster parents. [Salt Lake Tribune]
  • Senators Olympia Snowe (R-ME) and Al Franken (D-MN) have sponsored the Compassionate Care for Servicewomen Act, which would require that the morning-after pill be stocked as a core medicine at every military health care facility. [blog.alfranken.com]

Keep reading »

Blake Lively On Esquire: The Sharks Or The Jets?

Blake Lively did her best greaser impression on February’s cover of Esquire, though I remember the guys in “Grease” wearing pants.

In unrelated news: the arch of Blake’s left eyebrow looks super-obviously Photoshopped, right? [Esquire.com]

UPDATE: Eek, how embarrassing! Commenters have correctly pointed out that the Sharks and the Jets are from “West Side Story,” not “Grease.” And I’ve seen both of those movies a million times. For shame! Keep reading »

You Know You Wanna See What Sexy “Star Wars” Burlesque Looks Like!

Oh, sci-fi dweebs, what will you think of next? “Star Wars” and burlesque are two subcultures which should not belong together, but somehow, these performers made it work! Except for “sexy” Jabba The Hutt, who will haunt my nightmares for time immemorial.

Pic, if you dare, after the jump … Keep reading »

Will Pauly D Share His Prince Albert Piercing With Playgirl?

Cover your eyes! Hide the children! Gawker reports that Pauly D and his Prince Albert piercing are meeting with Playgirl this week to discuss a possible photo spread. Allegedly, both sides are interested in bringing pics of his JWoww-approved junk to the masses; the porn mag and the “Jersey Shore” star just need to settle how much pics of Seaside Heights’ most famous penis piercing are worth.

Ick, ick, ick. I have seen Levi Johnston pose for Playgirl and you, Pauly D, are no Levi Johnston. [Gawker]

We last wrote about “Jersey Shore” when we posted pics of Snooki’s wild night in Miami! Keep reading »

Jessica’s Style Diary: Monday

What I’m Wearing Today:

  • Forever 21 flower barrette
  • Aqua for Bloomingdale’s white blazer with fab ’80s shoulder pads
  • Bluefly pink lightning T-shirt
  • Forever 21 jeggings
  • Baker’s boots
  • Marc by Marc Jacobs heart ring

Keep reading »

5 Vagina Products We Could Do Without

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If you thought the Waxed Off To Look Like A Prepubescent look was the least appealing way to “make over” your vagina … well, honey, you ain’t seen nothing yet! There are oh-so-many ways to shame a woman for not having a “perfect” vagina: dyes, douches, colorants, even vagina mints! Let’s take a journey across the internet and examine all the ways you can “solve” your vaginal “problems,” shall we?
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