Profile for Jessica Wakeman

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White House Party Crasher Michaele Salahi Confirmed For “Real Housewives of D.C.”

Just as we suspected! Bravo officially confirmed today that Michaele Salahi, one of the White House party crashers, will star on “The Real Housewives of D.C.,” debuting August 5. Michaele, a blond socialite straight out of Central Casting, and her husband, Tareq Salahi, grabbed headlines internationally when they breached security at President Obama‘s first official state dinner. It turns out Bravo cameras were following the couple that night for the “Real Housewives” TV show. (The Salahis insist they were invited to the event). It was an embarrassment for the White House and Obama’s Social Secretary Desiree Rogers later stepped down. But no matter! Crazy people make for entertaining TV and that’s what matters, right? [People] Keep reading »

Frisky Q&A: Margaret Cho Talks Homicidal Exes And Camel Toe

Margaret Cho, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. There’s your 1994 show “All-American Girl.” Your stand-up comedy concerts like “I’m The One That I Want” and “Notorious C.H.O.” Your shows “The Cho Show,” and most recently, “Drop Dead Diva.” I could go on, but I don’t want to embarrass you with your own awesomeness.

Whether you caught her in the ’90s or in the aughties, Cho is inescapable — and undeniably funny. This summer, she’s releasing her first album of “comedy music,” Cho Dependent, on which she got to perform with the likes of Fiona Apple and Ani DiFranco. Lucky bitch!

Cho was kind enough to take some time out of her busy schedule to talk to us about stand-up comedy, writing songs about homicidal ex boyfriends and camel toe. Keep reading »

The Situation Vs. The Countess: Whose Single Sucks Worse?

Lord have mercy, The Situation has released a “rap” song. Titled “The Situation,” the verdict is clear — he should stick to fist-pumping on the boardwalk.

Alas, this “Jersey Shore” juicehead isn’t the only reality star with musical aspirations. Who could forget Countess LuAnn DeLesseps from “The Real Housewives of NYC,” who recently released her single, “Money Can’t Buy You Class”? (We’d prefer to forget about “Tardy For The Party” entirely.)

After the jump, I generously sacrifice my eardrums to investigate which reality show single sucks the hardest. Keep reading »

Today’s Lady News: Teacher Canned For Premarital Sex

  • Jarretta Hamilton, a fourth grade teacher in St. Cloud, Florida, was fired for getting pregnant while she was engaged. When Hamilton’s boss at Southland Christian School asked her when she conceived, she answered honestly that she got pregnant three weeks before her wedding and was then fired for “fornication.” Now Southland Christian School is facing a discrimination lawsuit, arguing that pregnant, unmarried women would be fired under such rules while unmarried men who “fornicate” would not get caught. [ABCnews.com]
  • South African officials estimate 40,000 sex workers are on hand for the 2010 World Cup. Condoms, people. [TheGrio.com]

Keep reading »

Quotable: Pat Robertson Gives Crappy Relationship Advice

Co-host: “Pat, this is from Anne who says, ‘My husband has always been a flirt and loves to talk with other women he finds attractive. He says he would never cheat on me but his actions are starting to get to me. What should I do?’”

Pat Robertson: “Anne, first thing is you need to make yourself as attractive as possible and don’t hassle him about it. And why is he doing this? Well, he’s doing it because he wants affirmation that he is still a man, that he is attractive — and he gets an affirmation of himself. That means he’s got an inferiority complex that’s coming out. And he’s not gonna cheat on you. He’s just playing. But you need to not drive him away or start hassling and hounding on him, but make yourself as beautiful as you can [and] as fun as you can.”

Pat Robertson doles out all-kinds-of-wrong relationship advice on “The 700 Club.” Beautify yourselves so the menfolk won’t cheat, ladies! [MediaMatters.org] Keep reading »

Do Boobs Have Their Own “Eras”? Let’s Ask Playboy!

Bored at work? A little horny? Head right on over to Playboy‘s website for a gratuitous boob photo spread on the “Evolution of the Boob”! Playboy dipped into their old photos to show us breasts from the past six decades because, apparently, “boob shape” is as cyclical as fashion. Now, I looked at those mammaries long and hard and I daresay there’s no difference between ’50s boobs or ’80s boobs or ’90s boobs. The only way breasts have “evolved” — if you could even call it that — would be in terms of “pre-breast implants” and “post breast-implants.” But hey, if Playboy‘s foxy Miss November pin-up 1958 reminds men that bleached blond hair, fake nails and giant silicone tatas were not always considered “attractive,” fine with me! Keep reading »

Are You Hot Enough To Work For American Apparel?

Wannabe American Apparel employees must have “full body, head-to-toe” photos approved before hiring, according to an investigation by the gossip blog Gawker. Managers send photos to some unknown higher-level employee, where the pics are approved or denied. A source has told Gawker that American Apparel has a new hiring policy where physical attractiveness — under the guise of “personal style” — now takes precedence over retail experience. Keep reading »

Seattle Man Forced His Pregnant Teen Girlfriend To Sign “Abuse Contract”

What kind of nonsense is this? Police in Seattle say Graydon Smith, 31, had an “abuse contract” with his pregnant 19-year-old girlfriend, stipulating he could beat her anywhere on her body “except on her pregnant belly.” Sick.

The police were called to Smith’s parents’ home on April 28 after the girlfriend reported he’d threatened to kill her. She then told cops Smith had assaulted her before and she believed he would do so in the future because he had made her sign a contract granting him permission to physically abuse her, so long as he stayed away from her pregnant stomach. When reached by a reporter from the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, Smith — who had a 2003 domestic violence conviction — confirmed the “abuse contract” existed. Keep reading »

Topless Stripper Pinatas Giving Texans An Eyeful

A pinata shop in Donna, Texas, sells the usual Elmo and Batman pinatas, but it also sells one particularly troubling item: a pinata of a topless lady on a stripper pole. Moms who drive past the nudie pinatas told the local news station it’s inappropriate for little kids to see. No one questions, though, whether there’s something wrong with the idea of swinging a bat at a stripper pinata.
Keep reading »

Questions For Our Fathers: Jessica’s Dad

In honor of Father’s Day we’re interviewing our dads to find out how their lives changed when we were born and what they learned about love and life as a parent. Today, Simcha’s dad.

On paper my father and I have not a single thing in common. Dad is a die-hard Republican who went to go see John McCain on the campaign trail and actually worked on a state-level campaign back in Connecticut when I was a kid. He watches FOX News every night, especially his bestest friend in the world, Bill O’Reilly (gag). He a guy’s guy who likes watching NASCAR racing, John Wayne cowboy movies and “Dog the Bounty Hunter,” drives a ride-on lawnmower around our yard, and loves the home repair projects that blow sheet rock dust all over the house. Keep reading »

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