Profile for Jessica Wakeman

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Evening Quickies: Amanda Bynes Busted For DUI After Hitting Cop Car

Morning Quickies
kim kardashian on today photo
Kim K and Kanye are just friends, you guys. Read More »
Christina's Mugshot
Christina Aguilera Mug Shot
Oof, that's not dirrty, that's just sad. Read More »
Amanda Bynes mug shot photo
  • Lindsay Lohan wet herself with glee this morning as Amanda Bynes was arrested for a DUI after hitting a cop car. TMZ reports Amanda tried to pass a West Hollywood police car, but ending up swiping it. She was released on a $5,000 bail. We’re glad no one was injured.  [TMZ]
  • Courtney Stodden is super sexy sensually hunting for Easter eggs! Don’t look at this unless you’re cool with your eyes bleeding. [ONTD
  • Ke$ha debuts a new, geometric haircut, addresses rumors she drops acid, and praises a ban on the sale of shark fins. Yes, that is the weirdest sentence on the whole Internet. [PopCrush]
  • Wait no, this is: “My Little Damon” is a thing on Reddit in which My Little Pony fans super-imposing Matt Damon’s face on pony faces. [The FW] Keep reading »

Today’s Lady News: Curbing Reproductive Rights Raises Taxpayer Costs, Duh

Today's Lady News photo
  • Curbing reproductive rights raises taxpayer costs, duh. I’m pretty sure women’s rights activists have been saying this, oh, forever. [Bloomberg]
  • This is how much it costs to own a vagina: an itemized list. [Jezebel]
  • Reince Priebus, the chairman of the Republican National Committee, compared women to caterpillars. [Bloomberg
  • Clutch your pearls! The University of Wisconisn distributed free condoms to students before spring break and some people are pissed about it. [Badger Herald] Keep reading »

An Open Letter To The Guy Who Called Me “Crazy”

Dating Red Flags
guys
These red flags should send you running. Read More »
Do Not Date These Guys
12 guys you shouldn't date this year. Read More »
Dating A Douche?
Thirteen signs that you're dating a douche. Read More »
mean crazy bitch photo

Dear Guy Who Seemed Cool On Our First Date But Freaked When I Said I Wanted To Take Sexual Stuff Slowly And Sent Me A Barrage Of Douchey Text Messages Which Culminated In Pronouncing Me “Crazy”,

I feel as if we have gotten off on the wrong foot.  Keep reading »

Morning Quickies: Kim Kardashian Calls Kanye “Just A Friend”

Axis Of Evil
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West photo
Kim Kardashian did the walk of shame outside Kanye West's place. Read More »
Homewrecker Kim
Amber Rose called Kim Kardashian a homewrecker in an interview. Read More »
Musical Chairs
kim kardashian kanye west hookup photo
Did Kim Kardashian and Amber Rose partner swap Reggie and Kanye? Read More »
kim kardashian on today photo
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  • Kim Kardashian hit up “The Today Show” this morning and addressed the rumors that she’s porking Kanye West. And by rumors, I mean he released a song about how he “fell in love” with her, and the other day they saw a movie together, went back to his place, and she was photographed by paparazzi doing the walk of shame the next morning. Kim says she and Kanye have been friends for a long time and coyly hinted “you never know what the future holds.” She also addressed the PETA “flour bombing” incident and said wearing fur should be a “personal choice.” Watch the segment above!
  • Kate Middleton’s birthday present to Prince William was a $40,000 portrait … of herself. [Celeb Dirty Laundry]
  • Jane Aldridge, the blogger behind Sea Of Shoes, responded to the profile of her in Texas Monthly that made the 20-year-old sound obnoxious and entitled. [Fashionista]
  • What bikini season?!  Here are 10 desserts you can make with a Cadbury Creme egg. [The FW] Keep reading »

No Sex For Edinburgh Zoo Pandas, Despite Some Romantic “Wrestling,”

Panda Porn
Panda porn helps get these bears in the mood for love. Read More »
#Pandagate
holiday gift guide jessica
The BBC Women Of The Year list included a panda. Read More »
Pandas As Pets
baby panda photo
Yanni, of all people, owns one as a pet. Read More »
pandas photo

In yet another blow to their species (and their dignity), two pandas at the Edinburgh Zoo  refused to “do sex” this week and gift the world with a baby panda. Female panda bears only ovulate once a year, so the pressure was on for Sweetie and Sunshine, who had a 36 hour window to get it in. Zookeepers respectfully turned off the zoo’s public “pandacam” to give the bears some privacy and opened the zoo’s “love tunnel” between their separate enclosures to encourage romance. Things seemed promising when that filthy little minx Sweetie “called out incessantly” to her lover, as us ladies are wont to do, and pressed her nose and paws up against a grate. (There’s video here and it’s safe for work, but rather indignifying.) Keep reading »

Evening Quickies: Kim Kardashian & Kanye West Form An Axis Of Evil

Homewrecker Kim
Amber Rose called Kim Kardashian a homewrecker in an interview. Read More »
Musical Chairs
kim kardashian kanye west hookup photo
Did Kim Kardashian and Amber Rose partner swap Reggie and Kanye? Read More »
Kim And Reggie?
Are Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush getting back together? Read More »
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West photo
  • Kim Kardashian and Kanye West went to see “The Hunger Games” together … and she was photographed by paps doing the walk of shame the next morning. In the past, Kanye’s ex Amber Rose has referred to Kim as a “homewrecker.” These two deserve each other. [TMZ]
  • Here are 15 reasons you were unfriended on Facebook — according to our dear friend John DeVore, who now writes for Team Coco, because he’s fancy and shit. [Team Coco]
  • Even Oprah’s getting in on competitive breeding families: her OWN network has announced a show starring a couple and their six toddlers. [Celebrity Cafe]
  • Michelle Obama and Bo, the first dog, gave military families at Walter Reed Military Medical Center an Easter surprise. [The FW]
  • Jessica Simpson egregiously knocked off these strappy purple Louboutins. Can you say “lawsuit”? [Styleite]

Keep reading »

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