Profile for Jessica Wakeman

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Did Chelsea Handler Get Married This Weekend?

Chelsea Handler says all kinds of things that are coo-coo bananas, so we are scratching our heads over this one: Earlier this afternoon, Chelsea tweeted, “Its Monday and I got married over the weekend. I will introduce my husband on tonight’s show.” Wait, what? Wasn’t Chelsea chillin’ in Mexico over the long holiday weekend with her gal pal Jennifer Aniston? It seems unrealistic that the paparazzi could have been stalking Jen and the pals she flew down to Cabo in private jets with and totally missed the nuptials. I call B.S. on a shotgun wedding to her rumored boyfriend, 50 Cent — but we’ll just have to wait until tonight and see. [Twitter/ChelseaHandler] Keep reading »

What Actual Burlesque Stars Think Of The Movie “Burlesque”

If you love burlesque like I do, you might have had mixed feelings when you heard about the movie “Burlesque.” Just how badly might Christina Aguilera and Cher butcher this thing that I love? But on the other hand, how awful can a movie be if Stanley Tucci is in it?

I had to get to the bottom of this caper, so I wrangled two hungover New York City burlesque stars, Anita Cookie and Clams Casino, for a Friday afternoon showing of “Burlesque.” I am sure you will be shocked — shocked! — to learn that Hollywood took some creative liberties with the art of burlesque. (Spoilers ahead!) Keep reading »

Why Some Women Stay Wide Awake While Getting Breast Implants

I step into the doctor’s office for a simple checkup and want the highest drugs possible to knock me out. But some women are getting breast implants and staying wide awake during the invasive surgery. Yowza! Said Kelly McCoy of Plano, Texas, a 23-year-old who had her B-cup breasts enlarged to C-cups, “Just the fact that I don’t have to undergo general anesthesia and the fact that I get to have a hand in seeing what the end result is going to be was like a huge selling point to me.” Apparently, not getting anesthesia is worth being able to give “final approval” to your plastic surgeon while you’re under the knife. So, how painful is undergoing plastic surgery while wide awake? Keep reading »

Whew! Your Louboutins Don’t Have Any Broken Bones

What is that beautiful image? A star burst from a distant galaxy? No, it’s just a pair of Louboutins in high-def 3D medical imaging. It’s probably best if you don’t share this with peeps who don’t have health insurance coverage. [Styleite via Lux Inside] Keep reading »

British Couples Are Pissy Prince William And Kate Middleton Marrying On “Their” Weekend

Britain apparently has a nation full of Emn Haddad-Friedmans. Who is Emn Haddad-Friedman, you ask? She was the bride who planned her wedding for July 31st in Rhineback, New York, the same weekend as Chelsea Clinton. Weddings are stressful enough without worrying the Clintons stole your caterers! After Prince William announced his engagement to longtime girlfriend Kate Middleton and set the wedding date for April 29, 2011, couples across Britain who chose the same day started fretting. Some Brits are really nutso about the royal family and the prince’s wedding will be a big enough deal to skip weddings of people they actually, you know, know. Personally, I think if someone chooses to stand outside Westminster Abbey for a peek at Kate’s bridal gown, or parks in front of the telly for the televised ceremony, it’s one less d-bag’s dinner and drinks you need to pay for. [BBC] Keep reading »

Bathe With This Pumpkin Spice, But Don’t Eat It!

We thought you’d have to pry our Bliss Lemon + Sage Body Scrub from our cold, dead hands. But watch your back, Bliss, because you’ve got competition! The Body Deli’s Pumpkin Spice Scrub smells can-I-eat-this? yummy and the sea salts and shea butter exfoliated our dull winter skin, leaving buttery softness in its wake. We particularly loved using this scrub on our always-calloused feet instead of a trusty Ped Egg! You will have to act quickly, though, because this special-edition scrub is only available in the month of November. Pumpkin pie might just be for Turkey Day but you can bathe in pumpkin all winter long.

[$32.00 The Body Deli]

Today’s Lady News: Couple’s Abortion Poll Was Totally A Pro-Life Hoax, Duh

  • The online poll about whether a Minnesota couple should have an abortion or bring the pregnancy to term? Totally an anti-abortion hoax. (Obviously.) Pete and Alisha Arnold confirmed to CNN that they bought the domain name BirthOrNot.com four months before she got pregnant and were trying to “make a point” about abortion. However, for the past week, the Arnolds have adamantly been insisting their poll was not a hoax. “My intent is not to deceive people, but at the same point, I do want people to talk about this,” Pete Arnold told CNN. “This seemed like a pretty good way to further the discussion.” Wrong and wrong. Also, Alisha Arnold has been fired form her job over this nonsense. [CNN, Gawker]
  • The transgender model Lea T will appear on Oprah’s show in February. Lea T has been in a Givenchy ad campaign and in French Vogue [Elle]
  • Major news: full episodes of “The Cho Show,” comedienne Margaret Cho’s 2008 reality show, are available online at LOGO’s website. I know what I will be doing over the four-day weekend! [LOGOtv]

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Rush Limbaugh Suggests The TSA Grope The Obama Daughters

Another week, another inappropriate Rush Limbaugh comment. Yesterday on his radio show, the conservative talk show host was discussing the hot topic of the day: TSA airport pat-downs. “Do you know when Obama went swimming with his daughter to show it was safe, during the oil spill?” He asked. “How about taking his daughter through [an airport] screening? How about Obama take [sic] his daughter to the airport and have a TSA grope her (emphasis mine), go through the exact routine with Obama’s daughter that everybody’s else’s daughter goes through, just to show it’s safe for everybody. Like he did in the Gulf with the oil spill.” Ew!

Oh, but it gets worse: Mike Huckabee, the former Arkansas governor, also weighed in on “Fox News” with creepy comments about pat-downs on the bodies of the women in the First Family… Keep reading »

My Difficult Relatives And How I Will Deal With Them This Thanksgiving

Ah, Thanksgiving. When you’re a kid it’s all about the mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie. When you’re an adult, it’s all about rude inquisitions from your nosy aunts and your dad getting horrifically, embarassingly wasted. I don’t know anything about stuffing a bird or making a perfect cranberry sauce. But I do know a thing or two about dealing with family, seeing as I have a huge, colorful one. Gather ’round, children, and take in my wisdom from awkward family holidays past! (Also, I’m a full-blooded WASP, so take my stiff-upper-lip swamp Yankee suggestions with a grain of salt. Maybe in other parts of the country, you solve problems differently!) Keep reading »

Today’s Lady News: Don’t Abort The Next Son Of God, Ladies!

  • Be careful, pro-choice, ladies: you could be aborting the next son of God! [USA Today]
  • A source claims Google gave a $6 million bonus to a female engineer who was simultaneously being wooed by Facebook and Google reportedly wanted to diversify the dude-liness of their team. [Gawker]
  • If you haven’t watched this video of a woman who screamed at a subway creeper (put your headphones on at work, kids), you must do so right this second. [Feministing]
  • Canada’s has debuted a new campaign warning dudes that a drunk girl can’t consent to sex. [Vancouver Sun]

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