Profile for Jessica Wakeman

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“Jersey Shore,” The Video Game

“Jersey Shore” hardly needs CollegeHumor.com to make itself more funny, but a fake RPG video starring these stallions is still kick-ass. Watch Pauly D, Vinny, Ronnie and The Situation find skanks for the hot tub and follow them along their way as they dodge grenades, defend Sammi’s honor, and of course, show disrespecting clowns on the dance floor who’s boss. Vodka and pickles should totally be the weapons of choice in more video games. [Gamefreaks] Keep reading »

Feminist Germaine Greer Suggests Women “Name And Shame” Rapists Online

Feminist Germaine Greer has an unorthodox suggestion for how to deal with men who rape: Women should put their names online in a rapists’ registry. Speaking at a literary festival yesterday, Greer — who became famous 40 years ago when she published the seminal “second wave” feminist text The Female Eunuch — criticized the paltry number of men who go to prison for sexual assault. “I wish there were an online rapists’ register and that it was kept up to date,” Greer said. “Because we know the courts can’t get it right.” Keep reading »

Frisky Q&A: Clinton Kelly Of “What Not To Wear” Is Judging You

Clinton Kelly book

“What Not To Wear” is my go-to channel-surfing show — and if it’s a weekend marathon, I will binge on six straight episodes like Lady Gaga at a lobster hat sale. What’s not to like? The women (and occasionally men) nominated by their loved ones for “What Not To Wear” are all-too-relatable with their style problems: the baggy clothes, the closets filled with dresses that don’t fit anymore. And the hosts, Clinton Kelly and Stacy London, make all the funny-but-firm observations that most of us think but don’t want to say.

With hundreds of episodes filled with “fashion don’ts” under his belt, Clinton debuts a new book next week called Oh No She Didn’t! The Top 100 Style Mistakes Women Make and How to Avoid Them. But don’t expect “What Not To Wear” makeovers past to get raked over the coals. No joke, Clinton said Oh No She Didn’t was written based on what he saw tourists wearing in New York City’s Times Square!

At the end of a long day filming “What Not To Wear,” Clinton called me for a, um, colorful conversation about the new book, hairy legs and armpits, and why you should leave French manicures to the whores. Oh, and he called me a “little bitch.” Keep reading »

Today’s Lady News: California Candidate Meg Whitman Gets Called A “Whore”

  • An aide for California’s Democratic gubernatorial candidate called Meg Whitman, the Republican candidate, a “whore” on a voicemail which was accidentally left on a phone. According to the transcript, it sounds like the aide was specifically trying to say Whitman is a whore for pension reform. Whitman’s campaign released a statement calling it “an insult to both Meg Whitman and to the women of California.” [KPSP, Los Angeles Times]
  • A so-called “crisis pregnancy center” in Wisconsin, which pretends to offer family planning services but in actuality dissuades women from abortion, has paid for a billboard depicting a teen girl and a fetus in her belly. A thought bubble coming from the teen girl reads, “My mom’s going to kill me” and one from the fetus said, “My mom REALLY is going to KILL ME.” Some locals said the billboard is upsetting to young children who may read the sign, but Bay Area Pregnancy Services said it does not think that it’s inappropriate. [Daily Mail]
  • Sigma Gamma Rho, an African-American sorority, has been accused by students at two different colleges (Rutgers in New Jersey and San Jose State in CA) for “hazing” pledges by beating them with wooden paddles. [New York Times]

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Justin Bieber Lends His Name To Walmart Nail Polish

Like Frank Sinatra and Miles Davis before him, Justin Bieber is co-branding with a line of nail polishes. The Biebs lent his name to a new line of Nicole nail polishes that will be exclusively available at Walmart beginning in December, and in stores like Target and Ulta after that. The polishes include reds, purples, blues and glittery shades and are titled after classic Bieber songs, like “Step 2 the Beat of My Heart” (pictured above) and “One Less Lonely Girl” (but it’s called One Less Lonely Glitter). Damn, when I was a hormonal Hanson fan they never did anything like this! Someone out there in Corporate America believes tween girls will buy anything Bieber-related … and the sad thing is, they’re probably right. [NYMag.com] Keep reading »

“Saturday Night Live” To Air Second “Women Of SNL” On November 1

After a successful ladyflower extravaganza hosted by Betty White last spring, on Monday, November 1, “Saturday Night Live” will air yet another ode to the vag. The “Women of SNL” special will blend both new and old, mixing classic clips with new material from Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Kristen Wiig, Rachel Dratch, Maya Rudolph and others. Yay … I think? I would watch two hours of these ladies clipping their toenails. (Call me, Tina.) But at some point, “SNL” should not need these specials. The show should just have lots of funny women comics and writers all the time. Hire a funny black lady so damn Kenan Thompson doesn’t keep having to wear a dress and lipstick, you hear? [Entertainment Weekly] Keep reading »

Shocking! Tina Fey’s Hairy Man Arms!

Tina Fey has written a book! (Exclamation point times 100.) The title Bossypants makes it sound like yet another damn “career advice from a celebrity” book, but thankfully the book includes essays about work, motherhood and marriage. The jokers over at The Awl snapped an image of a poster for Bossypants at the Frankfurt Book Fair, which may be the cover? I don’t know; Amazon.com has not posted an image yet. Either way, it just goes to show how much TV magic it takes to cover up Tina Fey’s hairy man arms. [TheAwl.com] Keep reading »

Sum Poosie: A Pink Energy Drink That Tastes Like … Cherry 7Up!

Wait, what did you think I was going to write?

Sum Poosie is a “vagina-themed” energy drink that tastes like cherry and was created by a guy who turned down a job offer from Red Bull in 1996. “Basically, it’s an energy drink, but it’s like the ‘Girls Gone Wild’ of energy drinks,” the drink’s distributor Levar Turner, who is under the impression that is a selling point, told blogger Amanda Hess at TBD.com. “There are a million and one energy drinks. We needed to stand out. What better way than with Sum Poosie?”

So. How does Sum Poosie stand out? Bottles with boobies, boobies, boobies. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: Explaining Depression

Depression, the way it’s depicted in popular culture and cultural myth is almost glamorous. Someone who is struggling under the weight of their depression is depicted as reflective. Brooding. Intense. Romantic. Feeling things so deeply that they’re driven to suicide. Think Kurt Cobain, Elliot Smith, Sylvia Plath, Virginia Woolf. They are not necessarily people you envy or want to emulate. But they’re nevertheless the first ones most of us think of when we think about what someone with depression is like.

The myth of depression is much more interesting than the reality, however: Depression is very boring. There is nothing interesting at all about hiding from the world in the bed sheets, literally or figuratively. Those Prozac commercials where the egg is feeling down, colored in black-and-white? They’re actually truthful advertising. The feelings of sadness and despair are an immobilizing psychic pain, stripping the color from your life and the energy from your spirit, and leading you to believe the safest place to be would be to draw into yourself like a cocoon. When you pull out of it, you really do feel as if you’ve wrestled out of something tight and constricting. Keep reading »

Today’s Lady News: Ohio Woman Forced Into Abortion Clinic At Gunpoint

  • Police say an Ohio man, Dominic Holt-Reid, forced his girlfriend into an abortion clinic at gunpoint after she refused to terminate her pregnancy. The couple had a morning appointment for an abortion and she refused to go, so he pulled a gun from the glove compartment. While inside the clinic, she passed a note to a clinic employee, who called the police. Holt-Reid was charged with kidnapping and carrying a concealed weapon. Sigh. Here’s a little Reproductive Rights 101: “freedom of choice” also means being free to not have an abortion, too. [Columbus Post-Dispatch]
  • A fence business in Ocala, Florida, posted a sign on its property which reads, “Breast inspection 20 feet ahead, please have ‘em out. You got to love them rednecks.” The employees of Hercules Fence Company say it’s just “humorous, good stuff,” but some breast cancer survivors say a crude joke is not appropriate during Breast Cancer Awareness Month. [WESH]

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