Profile for Jessica Wakeman

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Girl Talk: My Dad Is My Valentine

This morning, like every morning, I poked my computer “on” and shuffled into the kitchen to pour myself a cup of coffee. Sitting in my favorite mug next to the coffee maker was a package of Reese’s peanut butter hearts. I scampered into the living room to find my dad. “Thank you!” I trilled. “Happy Valentine’s Day!” He just grinned. “I tried to get you a heart-shaped box of chocolates,” he said, “but I think I waited too long because they already had Easter candy out last night.”

My dad does this every year and every year it makes me really happy to be his daughter. Even the years when I’ve been at college, living in an apartment on my own or studying abroad in Europe, Dad has made sure I had a box of chocolates on Valentine’s Day. Yes, it might sound loser-ish, but to me it’s totally sweet: my dad is my Valentine. I don’t mean for this to be creepy, but I am being sincere. My dad as a Valentine has never disappointed. Keep reading »

Rihanna’s Arty Video For Reb’l Fleur Perfume Is Here

Rihanna has a fragrance and I have so many questions. Why does Reb’l Fleur have no “e” in it? What does Reb’l Fleur even mean? How much money did Rihanna spend on this bizarre video that sorta, kinda advertises her new perfume but mostly just showcases how pretty she is? And is it really “fruit-salad scented”? Really? [YouTube via Styleite] Keep reading »

Diesel’s Blowjob Kneepads, For The Romantic In All Of Us

blowjob kneepads

Here’s a gift I could really use: a Diesel store in India gave away blowjob kneepads with purchases over $150! The packages, which subtly display a woman’s open mouth, read “buy one, get one pearl necklace free.” That’s … just … ew. At least Diesel can’t be accused of not thinking of your comfort, ladies. (And certain gentlemen!) [Copyranter] Keep reading »

A Woman Walks Into A Spanking Party And …

Somehow the best description and the worst characterization of a spanking fetish occurred in the same article on Salon.com in a piece by Frisky contributer Anna David called “The Joy of Spanking.”

First, the best description of a spanking fetish, as described by a man who has one. While at a spanking party in New York City’s West Village, she talks to Gary, who explains how spanking is a need, not a want, and vanilla sex just isn’t an option: “I really like vanilla ice cream, but I like it as part of a banana split; without the nuts and the chocolate sauce and the whipped cream and the banana, I’m bored.”

And now, for the worst. Well, read the article. Keep reading »

Alia Shawkat Is A Self-Loathing Hipster

“[Ellen Page and I] created a pretty stupid hipster versions of ourselves [on her HBO show "Stitch 'n Bitch" with Ellen]. … We both want to become artists of any type or form. She’s the more earthy bitter one, like, We’ve got to save the world — that kind of hipster. I’m more of the, like, ‘I express myself through fashion and art, but I can’t really do anything type,’ and I just spend all my money. … I’m not going to pretend I’m not a hipster. What’s so funny about it is it has a bad connotation. Hipsters think it’s stupid to be called a hipster, but that’s what you are, and that’s what your friends are. That’s not bad, but that’s the whole point: We all want to be so different from everybody else. But I remember one of the lines when we were in Amsterdam, there was this homeless boy on the street, and he was pretty young, and Ellen was like, ‘Oh my god is that boy okay?’ And I was like, ‘Oh, he’s fine, he’s dressed okay.’ My character’s name is Kyla, and we ended up using that as something she says. Like there’s a homeless guy, but she’s like, “Well, he’s dressed okay,” so we kind of just pull from ourselves, but put it in extreme situations.”

— “Arrested Development”‘s Alia Shawkat can make fun of herself, which makes her 100 times more relatable than, like, any other star in Hollywood right now. How badly do you want Alia and Ellen to be your best friends? [Oh No They Didn't] Keep reading »

Tina Fey Defines “Crazy”

“I have a suspicion that the definition of ‘crazy’ in show business is a woman who keeps talking even after no one wants to f**k her anymore.”

Tina Fey, writing in The New Yorker. Yes, The New Yorker! My dream woman writes for The New Yorker! Which is kind of why she’s my dream woman, isn’t it? But seriously, this is so true. Just ask Helen Mirren. [The New Yorker via GQ.tumblr.com] Keep reading »

Quickies: Rihanna Might Downgrade Chris Brown Restraining Order, Plus Playboy Bunny Dating Tips

  • Rihanna’s lawyer says the pop princess “does not object” to downgrading her restraining order against Chris Brown so the two can have contact again. [TMZ]
  • Tyra Banks is attending Harvard Business School whilst tweeting about “enriching” her mind with “geniuses.” [NYmag.com]
  • David Letterman — like the rest of America — wonders if our girl Snooki has a drinking problem. [Celebuzz]
  • Heidi Montag poured $2 million into her failed music career. I mean, “music career.” [PopEater]

Keep reading »

Today’s Lady News: Plan B For Girls 17 And Under?

  • The makers of the Plan B morning-after pill plan to ask the FDA to allow for the emergency contraception to be sold without a prescription for young women under age 17. Plan B is available without a prescription for women ages 17 and older. [Reuters]
  • Black and Latina women are less likely than white women to have a live birth after a fertility treatment by 38 and 13 percent, respectively. [Fox News]
  • The Afghan government is writing new rules which would make it even harder for abused women and girls to find refuge in women’s shelters: women would have to justify their reason for needing shelter to an eight-person government panel, which would decide if she should go to the shelter, go to jail, or return home. [New York Times]

Keep reading »

January Jones Loves The Paparazzi “Always Watching”

“[The paparazzi] wait down the street on either end to see which way I’m going to go. … The weird thing about it is, it kind of makes me feel safe. I live alone, and I feel like they’re always there, they’re always watching. If someone were to come in and rob me — there’s photographers. It’s like the best security system ever … Maybe I’m that pathetic at this point. But it’s a constant presence.”

— Far from being a nuisance, January Jones treats the paparazzi like built-in bodyguards. Somehow I don’t think she appreciated them so much when she had that hit-and-run. [Oh No They Didn't] Keep reading »

What The Hell Is An “Unbortion”?

Today in Anti-Abortion Activists Making Up Medical Terms That Don’t Actually Exist And Aren’t Used By Doctors News: the “unbortion.” (For past reference see: partial-birth abortion.”) What’s an “unbortion,” you ask? An “unbortion” is what Resurrection Medical Center, a Roman Catholic hospital in Chicago, calls it when anti-abortion activists persuade a woman who is partway through terminating a pregnancy to halt the procedure and carry the pregnancy to term. According to Time magazine — which published the only article on “unbortions” that I’ve ever seen — four women were persuaded to halt their abortions, but doctors only went along with it in three of the cases.

Oh, and did I mention that “unbortion” is a complete anti-abortion activist fabrication and isn’t an actual medical term used by doctors? Keep reading »

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