Profile for Jessica Wakeman

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Why Do Dudes Like Being Woken Up With A BJ?

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a man likes being woken up to a BJ. It’s like friggin’ Christmas morning, any day of the year. But us ladies? Not so much. Feel free to correct me if you feel otherwise, but there’s something creepy and invasive about the idea of waking up with someone’s mouth or sex organ around our lady bits. In fact, if the Wikileaks/Julian Assange nonsense has taught us anything (and please, I hope it has taught us something), it is that initiating sex with a woman while she is asleep is sexual assault. Obviously, if she is asleep, she cannot consent. But beyond the legal definition of sexual assault, a half-awakened lady may not be so willing to receive a special morning “surprise” of something she otherwise normally likes. Speaking strictly for myself, I need to be “warmed up” before a guy goes spelunking down there. Keep reading »

Get Your Tickets To “Anna Nicole Smith: The Opera” Now, People

Anna Nicole Smith died ignobly, but perhaps an opera at the Royal Opera House in London will redeem her. Nah, probably not. “Anna Nicole,” which is not so much an ode to the woman born Vickie Lynn Hogan but a musical rendering of her tragic life, will play February 17 to March 4. The buxom billionaire’s widow will be played by Eva-Maria Westbroe, a Dutch soprano who has also performed in operas by Puccini and Verdi. Supposedly, the opera will be a capital-I Intellectual analysis of Anna’s scheming, wanton lifestyle, drug abuse and binge eating. And it will be a classy affair, let me tell you: The libretto was written by the same guy who wrote “Jerry Springer: The Opera” and a brochure for the show warns the faint of heart of “extreme language, drug abuse and sexual content.” For an opera based on Anna Nicole Smith’s life, I would expect nothing less. [Guardian UK] Keep reading »

ESPN Announcer Off Air After Calling Female Colleague “Sweetcakes”

ESPN football announcer Ron Franklin was not allowed on-air this weekend after he allegedly called a female colleague, Jeannine Edwards, “sweetcakes” and then an “a-hole.”

Franklin, 68, supposedly made the sexist comments in a production meeting on Friday. Edwards reportedly tried to butt in on a conversation he was having with another announcer, so he shut her down and called her “sweetcakes.” When she told him that language was unacceptable, he replied “Okay then, a**hole.”

Maybe it sounded more badass in his head? Keep reading »

Will A Porn Company Save Octomom From Foreclosure?

Octomom has as many problems as she has kids. Her house is nearing foreclosure and she and her 14 tots might be kicked out if she cannot come up with money for a $450,000 note. Enter Steve Hirsch of Vivid Entertainment, circling like a vulture. Hirsch is in talks with Nadya Suleman’s landlords to assume some of the debt and told TMZ, “This would be a great opportunity to begin a relationship with Octomom.” In other words, to exploit her weakness for the company’s own financial gain. Klassy! To her credit, Vivid previously offered Suleman $1 million to appear in a skin flick, as well as a gig as a production assistant and an invite to co-host a party at the porn industry’s AVN awards, and she rebuffed all offers. She does have some standards, you know. Although I really, really do not understand Vivid’s fascination with this woman. If there’s someone whose va-jay-jay I am not interested in seeing, it’s a woman who has popped out 14 kids. [TMZ.com] [TMZ.com] Keep reading »

“Bikini Bottom Groom & Go” For Kids Sounds More Wrong Than It Is

[Sociological Images] Keep reading »

Today’s Lady News: “Rosie The Riveter” Model Dies At 86

  • Rosie The Riveter” has died. Geraldine Hoff Doyle, the model for “Rosie,” a WWII factory worker who implored to other ladies “We Can Do It!,” passed away on Sunday at 86. As a 17-year-old in 1942, Geraldine was working as a metal presser at a Michigan factory when she was captured on film by a United Press photographer. Without Geraldine’s knowledge, the image for the photo was drawn by graphic artist J. Howard Miller and used by the labor movement. It later became iconic during the feminist movement during the latter half of the century. Geraldine was apparently not aware of the “Rosie The Riveter” poster until the 1980s when she saw her own face staring back at her within the pages of a magazine. [New York Times]

Keep reading »

Isabelle Caro, French Model With Anorexia, Dies At 28

Isabelle Caro, a French model who literally became the poster girl for anorexia, passed away last month at age 28. Her acting coach confirmed the model died on November 17, although Caro’s specific cause of death is unclear. Isabelle’s skeletal body appeared on Milanese billboards in 2007 under the words “No Anorexia” as a warning to the modeling industry about eating disorders (warning: the image is rather gruesome). She also talked with Jessica Simpson about her illness on the pop star’s reality show, “The Price of Beauty,” last year. Isabelle reportedly struggled with anorexia from age 13 and wanted to educate, even scare others, from falling down the same rabbit hole as she did. Her death is terrible news, but sadly unsurprising given the way anorexia ravaged her body. Rest in peace, Isabelle Caro. [People] Keep reading »

Charming Chris Brown Drops Homophobic Slurs In Twitter Fight With Raz-B

Boyfriend of the year decade Chris Brown fails at life again. Yesterday Prince Charming lashed out against the rapper Raz-B on Twitter, tweeting homophobic slurs and making comments about rape and molestation. All of Chris Brown’s nastiest tweets appear to have been deleted with only the ones where he denies being a homophobe remaining.

It’s a piping hot mess, so bear with me … Keep reading »

Come On, Get Crafty

Congratulations, you made it through another holiday season. But you’re so broke you’ll be stuck at home eating ramen noodles until April! Never fear, actress and crafting extraordinaire Amy Sedaris won’t let those hands get idle. Simple Times: Crafts For Poor People, a belly-achingly hilarious tome of super-easy crafts and recipes, is a follow-up to her amazing book, I Like You: Hospitality Under The Influence. In both books, the uber-creative Sedaris proves you need panache — not cash! — to entertain and be entertaining. In Simple Times, Sedaris will teach you how to make homemade sausage, cilantro treats for a pet rabbit, and seashell toilet seat covers. When you finally dig yourself out of credit card debt, you’ll be a total crafting diva. Being broke never looked more fun.

[$13.99 Amazon.com]

Kanye’s Leaked “Monster” Video: Sexy Dead Girls, Decapitated Heads, And Other Violence Against Women

Kanye West‘s unfinished video for “Monster” has leaked online and it’s a disgusting display of gratuitously sexy dead women. In the opening shot, dead women in lingerie hang from nooses made of chains; the camera lingers on one’s stiletto heels. In a later scene, Kanye lies in bed with two lifeless models, moving one’s hand to her crotch like a rag doll. Later, Jay-Z raps with a woman lying lifeless on a couch behind him, ass up, and the camera lingers on her red patent leather f**k-me heels. But the most disgusting part of the video is when Kanye raps while holding a dead woman’s severed head in his hand. Keep reading »

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