Profile for Jessica Wakeman

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Lindsay Lohan’s Self-Tanner Made Me Look Like The Bloody Chick From “Psycho”

Jessica WakemanJune 2, 2010 //
Sevin Nyne self tanner photo

This may come as a surprise to you, but I was first hired at The Frisky as a beauty and style blogger. (This, of course, was before we realized my true calling was brainwashing the masses with my cuh-razy radicalism.) Back when I was a beauty gal, a company called Sevin Nyne sent me a bottle of Lindsay Lohan‘s Tanning Mist, made of caramel, goji berry and chardonnay extracts and promising a buttery, Lohan-like glow.

My pale ass was so excited. Naturally, I called my best friend, Christiane, and we scheduled a hot date to “Lo-tan.” But because half the notions I have in my brain are never seen through, we didn’t get around to it. Christiane and I dreamed about Lo-tanning for more than a year while she moved to Germany and back. But finally, this weekend Christiane braved the wilds of New Jersey for a “Lo-tanning” extravaganza. I stripped down to my undies … and emerged from the bathroom minutes later looking like that woman who gets stabbed in the shower in “Psycho.”

See my tragic photos of how Sevin Nyne Tanning Mist looked on my skin after the jump. Keep reading »

“Downtown Girls” Premiere Recap: Reduce, Reuse & Recycle Your Exes

Jessica WakemanJune 2, 2010 //

MTV‘s newest reality show “Downtown Girls” debuted last night and finally we got to see for ourselves whether Glamour.com writer Shallon Lester and her pals are more or less annoying than “The Hills.”

What’s the verdict on “Downtown Girls”? It’s “Sex and the City“-tinged fluff full of model pretty women — but it’s a hell of a lot less awful than all of MTV’s other reality shows. And that counts for something … right? Keep reading »

What’s “The Bechdel Test” And Will Your Next Blockbuster Rental Pass It?

Jessica WakemanJune 2, 2010 //

Back in 1985, cartoonist Alison Bechdel drew a “Dykes To Watch Out For” cartoon describing the three rules that govern whether or not she will see a movie:

  1. It has to have two women in it,
  2. Who talk to each other,
  3. About something besides a man.

Keep reading »

British Sexual Harassment PSA Tells Men To Stop Being Gross

Jessica WakemanJune 2, 2010 //

I wish America would show stuff like this on television: the Welsh government in the U.K. has released a PSA about sexual harassment. It outlines all the ways dudes think they’re being really suave when they’re actually being totally douchey. I really like that the message isn’t just a blanket “sexual harassment is bad!” but it shows how getting honked, whistled and leered at all adds up. [One Step Too Far, BBC] Keep reading »

Today’s Lady News: Scientists Ban Women From Mock Mission To Mars

Jessica WakemanJune 1, 2010 //
  • Russian scientists have banned women from a mock mission to Mars. They don’t want the women to create “sexual tension” during the 18 months they are locked in a capsule. Because, you know, an all-male group won’t have any sexual tension at all. [Daily Mail UK]
  • Constance McMillen, the lesbian Mississippi high schooler who sued her school to allow her to bring her girlfriend to prom, is the guest of honor at the Memphis Gay and Lesbian Community Center’s prom next weekend. [WLBT]
  • Two so-called “child brides” in Afghanistan, ages 13 and 14, were publicly whipped for running away from their husbands dressed as boys. A bystander videotaped the flogging and leaked it to the Afghanistan Independent Human Rights Commission. Apparently, when the girls were caught by police, they were turned over to the local warlord instead of the country’s shelters for battered women. [New York Times]

Keep reading »

Blind Item: Who’s The CW Star Who Got Canned For A Dalliance With The Boss’ Daughter?

Jessica WakemanJune 1, 2010 //

Our friends at The Gloss posted a blind item that has me begging for details:

“Which sexy CW star was fired from his previous high-profile gig following an ill-fated liaison with a network honcho’s daughter?”

My knowledge of CW stars begins and ends with “Gossip Girl,” but none of those guys had previous gigs that were high-profile. Someone on “One Tree Hill”? “Smallville”? “America’s Next Top Model”? (Nigel Barker, you cad!) If anyone’s got a better guess, tell us below. [TheGloss.com] Keep reading »

The Good, The Bad & The Ugly Of The “I Hate Females Who …” Twitter Trending Topic

Jessica WakemanJune 1, 2010 //

As soon as Amelia told me “I hate females who …” had become a trending topic on Twitter, I knew no good could come of this: Yes, let’s list all the things we hate about the way women look and behave, because the mainstream media isn’t doing that enough!

But it was actually a nice surprise to see how different people interpreted the prompt. The majority of people who joined in the trending topic “I hate females who …” saw it as just another opportunity to talk the usual s**t about women who are ugly/slutty/not feminine or pretty enough. Yet some people actually had things to say that weren’t totally sexist. Let’s investigate … Keep reading »

iMaria, An iPhone App For Men Who Can Only Deal With Virtual Women

Jessica WakemanJune 1, 2010 //

There are many sad, sad men on this planet, but the saddest of all can only have a girlfriend if she exists on their iPhone. The new iPhone app iMaria is a Croatian Playboy Playmate (naturally) with a “cute English accent.” Like the good little non-threatening virtual girlfriend that she is, iMaria wears low-cut outfits and asks if you’d like her to cook you something or go tan at the beach. All that is sad enough without the creep factor: the producer, Premika, advertises their app by trilling, “iMaria is a fun and interactive virtual girlfriend application that lets you be in control!”

Guys, if the only person who will let you be “in control” is a digital nudie model girlfriend you purchased for 99 cents on iTunes, maybe you need to think about that. [PremikaOnline.com] Keep reading »

Is Sarah Palin Allowed To Call Herself A Feminist?

Jessica WakemanJune 1, 2010 //

Once upon a time, Sarah Palin was just a pit bull in lipstick. But speaking on May 14 to a PAC that finances anti-abortion female congressional candidates, Palin not only called herself “feminist” but praised the “emerging, conservative feminist identity” and the “pro-woman sisterhood.” (Never one to miss an opportunity to inject ferocious animals into the conversation, Palin praised “mama grizzlies,” too.)

Now, it’s not difficult to understand how the estrogen contact high, which surely comes from speaking to a group that finances female congressional candidates, could give one a sense of kinship to the sisterhood. But considering how feminists are generally not considered the type of people who would require women to pay for their own rape exams, you wouldn’t be alone in wondering what the heck was going on when Palin dropped the “f-bomb.” Keep reading »

Get The Big Breasts You’ve Always Wanted … With A Boob Scarf

Jessica WakemanJune 1, 2010 //

If I had a “boob scarf,” I would be forced to fling it over my shoulder and knock peeps in the face with my titties. But that’s just me. See the full boob scarf — $25 on Etsy.com — after the jump … Keep reading »

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