Profile for Jessica Wakeman

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“I’m Ridin’ Your Baby Daddy!”: Amber Portwood’s Car Gets Vandalized Over “Affair”

And now for a trashy people update: “Teen MomAmber Portwood‘s car has been vandalized over an “affair” she is allegedly having with some guy named Midas. (Yes, vandalizing other people’s cars is still a thing people do, apparently.) According to Radar Online and the Daily Mail, Amber has “run off” with the boyfriend of another woman, causing her baby daddy Gary Shirley to weep into his Ed Hardy T-shirt. Who’s Amber banging now? Her neighbor, 25-year-old Midas Fields. I think we can all agree “Midas” is a badass name, right? Anyway, Midas’ girlfriend and baby mama caught the pair in flagrante delicto and chucked Midas from the house, allegedly causing Amber to yell, “I’m ridin’ your baby daddy!” Thatta girl, Amber! Shortly afterward over Easter weekend, Amber returned home to find her house egged and her Ford Taurus spray painted with “obscene language.” Ugh, girl-on-girl crime is so typical in these situations. Why isn’t it Midas that the baby mama is mad at? And why is Amber such a hot property after she beat up her boyfriend on national TV? Get a clue, people. Still, I like to think Jennifer Aniston relives the Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie showdown vicariously through these people. [Daily Mail UK] Keep reading »

Katy Perry Classes It Up For Vanity Fair

Katy Perry posed for Annie Liebovitz on the June cover of Vanity Fair and I must admit I’m not used to seeing her in such a “normal” look. Sedate makeup? (For her.) Check. Sedate outfit? (For her.) Check. Eyebrow-raising quotes about Planned Parenthood, her evangelical parents, and her boobs? Ah, yes, those are right inside. [Vanity Fair] Keep reading »

Lily Allen’s Dad Made Conspiracy Theory Film About Princess Diana’s Death

Awhile ago, Lily Allen took to Twitter in a huff to complain she was not invited to the royal wedding, but it’s probably just as well. See, Lily Allen’s father, the comedian Keith Allen, produced and directed a conspiracy theory “documentary” called “Unlawful Killing” that alleges Prince Charles and the rest of the royal family were behind Princess Diana‘s death. Okay then! In “Unlawful Killing,” Princess Diana is reportedly heard on audio, telling someone on the phone, “If you’re a strong woman in my environment, you’re a problem. I’m a Hell of a problem. … [I have] no time for hobbies. Keeping alive is one of them.” OMG THAT TOTALLY PROVES CHARLES HAD HER KILLED. Just kidding. While I love a good conspiracy theory, the idea that Princess Diana was murdered by the royal family instead of killed by, you know, the drunk driver behind the wheel of her car seems pretty distasteful. Curious, though, that this is a subject near and dear to Keith Allen’s heart. “Unlawful Killing” has been banned in the UK and is set to debut at the Cannes Film Festival later this year. It was probably a good idea to sit Prince William‘s wedding out, Lily. [ONTD, RadarOnline] Keep reading »

Quickies: Conan O’Brien Shaves His Beard & The 20 Best Osama/Obama Memes

  • Watch Will Ferrell tell Conan O’Brien’s daughter to “kiss daddy’s beard goodbye.” [Team Coco]
  • J.Crew included a gay couple — designer Somsack and his boyfriend, Micah — posing in pricey sweaters under the tagline “Happy Together” in their May catalog. Oh joy, something else for “family values” people to freak out about it. [Daily Mail UK]
  • The MTV Movie Awards nominations are out! This sounded slightly prestigious until I saw Justin Bieber was nominated for his tour documentary, “Never Say Never.” [Pop Culture Brain]

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Today’s Lady News: Who Gets Abortions In The U.S.?

  • Who gets abortions in the U.S.? The Guttmacher Institute, a nonpartisan reproductive health organization, sought to profile the women who get abortions in this graphically-curious video released on April 28. Most women who are get abortions are in their 20s. Six out of 10 women who terminate a pregnancy already have kids and many have two or more kids. Needing to care for their existing children is often a primary reason for why women who already have kids choose to end a pregnancy. Three out of four women who have abortions describe themselves as religiously affiliated and Catholic women have abortions at approximately the same rate as women overall. In 2008, four out of 10 women who had abortions lived below the federal poverty line. White women account for 36 percent of abortions, followed by black women at 30 percent and Latinas at 25 percent. [YouTube]
  • A Texas cheerleader who was kicked off the team for refusing to cheer for her alleged rapist was denied a U.S. Supreme court review yesterday. Months ago, a federal appeals court said the young woman, known only as H.S., was cheering for her school and not for herself and therefore was obliged to follow the dictates of the team. H.S. claims she was raped in 2008 by Rakheem Bolton, a member of the football team, at a party. Bolton plead guilty to misdemeanor assault in 2010. Blech, what a gross story. [San Francisco Chronicle]

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Klondike Sells Ice Cream, Sexist Gender Stereotypes

“What color shall we paint the foyer?” is a boring conversation, no doubt. But does Klondike really have to portray listening to one’s wife talk for five whole seconds as a trial for a man? I get it: the game is on, he doesn’t care about the color, he’s trying to be polite. He deserves an ice cream! I guess portraying adult men as overgrown toddlers with no attention span pushes products?

After the jump, another Klondike commercial in which men — gasp! — are affectionate towards one another: Keep reading »

Mother’s Day Gift Guide For Lucille Bluth-Types

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Some of us were lucky enough to grow up with a mom like Donna Reed or Carole Brady, a mom who was always on standby with a PBJ sandwich, a Band-Aid or some motherly words of wisdoms.

The rest of us … well, our moms our more like Lucille Bluth from “Arrested Development.” A hard-drinking and narcissistic mama like Lucille is always on-hand with a strong martini and a muscle relaxant, usually taken in tandem.

Moms like Lucille may be the reason you — and the Bluth clan — are in therapy three days a week. But dammit, she’s a mother, too, and that means you need to get her something for Mother’s Day. Because if you don’t, you know you’ll be hearing about it.

Who Is Pippa Middleton’s Boyfriend, Alex Loudon?

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Over one short weekend, the world became captivated with Pippa Middleton: the dress, the smile, the derriére. And though lots of people seem to think it’s not weird to suggest Pippa and Prince Harry get together, the reality is that Her Royal Hotness already has a boyfriend and apparently might soon be walking down the aisle on her own. (It won’t be Westminster Abbey, though.) The lucky guy is a hot piece of ass and former cricket star named Alex Loudon. Keep reading »

Carla Bruni Pregnant With Twins, Magazine Claims

Carla Bruni is pregnant with twins, according to French magazine Voici. The 43-year-old singer/actress/model/French First Lady already has a nine-year-old son, Aurelian, from another relationship. Carla is allegedly due to have her first child/children by French President Nicolas Sarkozy in October. But Carla is being mum about any potential pregnancy. When asked in an interview on Monday if she is pregnant, the Telegraph claims Carla said:

“If you’ll allow me, I’d rather not answer these questions about my family. I’d love to talk to you woman to woman about my family life, my personal dreams – and I’m really a very chatty person. But on this subject, I’m going to keep quiet. Not through arrogance or because I like keeping secrets. I am remaining tight-lipped about that to protect something. I would really like to to talk about it, but then it would take over everything else. And besides, it also involves people, so I’m not answering.”

Sounds like a non-confirmation confirmation to me! Another magazine, VSD, claims a senior aide to President Sarkozy also confirmed her pregnancy in off-the-record remarks. Sarkozy’s communications officer refused to comment, saying “That is a subject that is none of my business.” I guess we’ll have to wait un petit peu longer for an official confirmation about a trés trés chic bébé.

[Telegraph UK]
[Daily Mail UK] Keep reading »

Quickies: Miley Cyrus Covers “Smells Like Teen Spirit” & Adele Snubbed The Royal Wedding

  • OH HELL NO. Miley Cyrus covered Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit” at a concert in Ecuador and possibly had a seizure onstage before she started singing. Oh, that’s her dancing? Kurt Cobain is rolling over in his grave. No wonder Courtney Love does so many drugs. [BuzzFeed]
  • Donald Trump uses golf as an analogy to explain why he’s against gay marriage and it is absurd. [BuzzFeed]
  • Rev. Al Sharpton is the last person who suggests “romance” to me, but Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon do not agree. Sharpton renewed the couple’s wedding vows on Sunday — the couple’s third anniversary and the day after Mariah gave birth to twins. [People]

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