“This isn’t working for me anymore,” he says abruptly one night on the phone, and you’re stunned. Everything had been going great. You’d even been thinking about places to go on a summer vacation together, but unfortunately, he had other plans. And you did not see this coming.
Breakups are hard enough when you know things aren’t working out and sense that the end is looming, but they’re even more painful when you’re totally caught by surprise. What relationship was I in? you wonder, since it was obviously so different from the one your boyfriend was in. Questioning whether you were completely out of touch with reality, you search for red flags you may have missed, look for everything you could have done wrong, and long for answers. Keep reading »
Just as Zooey Deschanel has her own theme song on “The New Girl”—Who’s that girl? It’s Jess!—I, too, could have my own catchy tune that begins, It’s The Jen Show! I’ve earned this ditty because when I like a guy, I feel compelled to play a character instead of just being myself. Sure, sometimes I truly am that bubbly scene-stealer, the captivating star of the show. But I’m also depressed, anxious, cranky, lethargic and obsessive — imperfect — and there’s no way I’m going to let a potential love interest catch a glimpse behind the blackout curtains I hang to guard my flaws. To keep the less than perfect parts of myself unseen, I create a diversion by compulsively launching into an Emmy-worthy performance. This accomplishes two things: It allows me to control the image of myself that I want to present and it prevents anyone from ever getting close to the real me. Keep reading »
It all started a few years ago with an ex and one innocent Google search. In a moment of missing Jeremy*, a guy I’d dated a couple of years earlier, I typed his name and pressed “Enter,” thinking, What could it hurt? It did hurt though when the results returned an article about him and his new girlfriend, whom, I read, he now lived with.
Despite how painful this news was, after that initial Google I became addicted to looking him up online. My cocktail of choice was one parts Googling, two parts his blog, and three parts Twitter. With these sources mixed together, I could feel like I was somehow still connected to him. I was hooked, and I’d go through periods of reading his Twitter several times a day, every day. Keep reading »
You give good text and are proud of it. Often finding yourself heavy texting with a crush or brand new love interest, you delight in the back-and-forth repartee, the dings announcing his new message, the way that crafting witty responses keeps your brain sharp and you on your toes. When you talk to your friends, they complain that the men they’re dating text too much. “It’s not even real communication!” they exclaim. “Why don’t they ever just pick up the f**king phone and call?!” But not you. You’re happy to stick to texts for as long as possible. Far from being daunted by a guy who never picks up the phone, you’ll dodge his calls and let him go straight to voicemail so you can text him back.
If this sounds like you, you could be flirting with disaster. While it’s fun, and even sometimes downright dirty to be a master texter, it could put you at risk for these dating pitfalls, especially early on in a relationship. So let your fingers do the talking if you must, but proceed with caution. Keep reading »
In elementary school, Valentine’s Day was fun. I went to the stationery store with my Mom, picked out a box of perforated Smurf Valentines, and sat in front of the TV with a copy of my class list, making sure to include everyone as I wrote out my cards. I decorated a brown paper lunch bag with stickers and glitter, and carefully wrote my name in cursive with a red Magic Marker. The next day, I taped the bag to the side of my desk, and walked around the room depositing cards in everyone else’s bags. In return, I received cards from everyone else. All was fair in love and Valentine’s Day until 6th grade.
Then everything fell apart.
In 6th grade, my crush Josh* asked me to go to the Valentine’s Dance with him, which basically meant that I was his girlfriend. This being my first boyfriend, and for Valentine’s Day no less, I took it very seriously. After a class trip to the library to learn about the Dewey Decimal System, we stopped at the mall for lunch. I headed to a gift shop and studied the Valentine’s Day cards, finally selecting one that looked like a personal ad. For my boyfriend. Keep reading »
We all know that music can powerfully affect emotions, changing how you feel completely or intensifying the mood you’re already in. We also know that relationships can powerfully affect emotions, making you want to dance in the streets or hide out under the covers. Listening to the right song at the right moment will amp up your elation, pull you out of a funk, or plunge you deeper into despair. Click through for playlists to help you rejoice in the beginning of a new relationship, mourn the loss of an old one, or give you the strength to move on to the next.