The Frisky

Dating Don’ts: Putting A Moratorium On Beating Yourself Up

Jennifer GaramMay 15, 2012 //

Just say no to negging! Read More »

Dating Don'ts: In Bed

Never say these things to a man in bed. Read More »

Dating Don'ts: Ghosting

Thou shalt not ghost your love interests. Read More »

“You’re really mean to yourself,” my friend said after I’d finished listing all the ways I’d messed up a date with a guy I really liked. What did I do that I found so unacceptable? Here’s the list:

1. I didn’t offer to pay. I always offer to pay, but then I feel resentful because I don’t really want to pay and I want the guy to decline my offer, so I was just trying to experiment with letting myself feel treated. But now he probably thinks I’m using him and just in it for a free meal!

2.I botched the kiss goodnight moment. He went in for the kiss and I kissed him on the cheek, then gushed about what a great time I had to overcompensate for the missed kiss, then jumped out of his car. Because I wanted to kiss him, but I also wanted to take it slow, but I was nervous, and could I have been more horribly awkward?!

3. I talked about an ex. Absolutely unforgivable!!! Why, why, why did I do this??? Keep reading »

7 Ways To Survive The Second Date Slump

Jennifer GaramMay 10, 2012 //

Bad Dating Patterns

10 Unhealthy Dating Patterns And How To Break Them

Break these 10 unhealthy dating patterns. 11 Photos »

Dating Show

This woman has trouble just being herself in a relationship. Read More »

Second Date Moves

These moves will probably land you a second date. Read More »

When you finally meet someone you connect with, that first date feels like magic. The conversation flows smoothly, the chemistry is electric, and you wish that the night would never end. Which is why you’re so surprised when on the second date, you feel like you’re out with a totally different person. Between all the awkward pauses, you’re wondering what you saw in this guy. Or maybe he’s just as magical as last time, but it’s you that’s off this time. Even though you can usually hold up your end of a sparkling conversation with a brick wall, your mind is suddenly blank and you have nothing to say. Reaching for something, anything, you offer, “The fish tank behind the bar is so … watery!” wishing you could jump into it and swim far, far away.

You’ve just hit the second date slump. First dates may be nerve-racking, but they’re a piece of cake compared to what comes after. On a date number one, it’s all about first impressions and putting your best foot forward. Since you don’t know this person and aren’t emotionally invested yet, there’s very little at stake. It’s easy to be light and breezy when you’re talking about standard getting-to-know-you topics. Any commonalities feel like they signify relationship potential and are a cause for celebration. First dates are also about romance—a nice dinner at the perfect restaurant, a moonlit stroll around the block, that first kiss—and everything feels exciting and new. Keep reading »

6 Tips For Moving On After You’ve Been Blindsided By A Breakup

Jennifer GaramApril 19, 2012 //

Why He Dumped Me

Do you really need to know why he dumped you? Read More »

Ugly Breakups

When breakups get ugly. Read More »

Getting Closure

8 ways to get closure in a relationship. Read More »

“This isn’t working for me anymore,” he says abruptly one night on the phone, and you’re stunned. Everything had been going great. You’d even been thinking about places to go on a summer vacation together, but unfortunately, he had other plans. And you did not see this coming.

Breakups are hard enough when you know things aren’t working out and sense that the end is looming, but they’re even more painful when you’re totally caught by surprise. What relationship was I in? you wonder, since it was obviously so different from the one your boyfriend was in. Questioning whether you were completely out of touch with reality, you search for red flags you may have missed, look for everything you could have done wrong, and long for answers. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: When I Like A Guy, I Put On A Show

Jennifer GaramFebruary 20, 2012 //

22 Things About Dating

We wish we knew these 22 things about dating when we were 22. Read More »

Asking Big Questions

I always ask the big questions when it comes to dating. Read More »

Bad Dating Patterns

Break these 10 unhealthy dating patterns. 11 Photos »

Just as Zooey Deschanel has her own theme song on “The New Girl”—Who’s that girl? It’s Jess!—I, too, could have my own catchy tune that begins, It’s The Jen Show! I’ve earned this ditty because when I like a guy, I feel compelled to play a character instead of just being myself. Sure, sometimes I truly am that bubbly scene-stealer, the captivating star of the show. But I’m also depressed, anxious, cranky, lethargic and obsessive — imperfect — and there’s no way I’m going to let a potential love interest catch a glimpse behind the blackout curtains I hang to guard my flaws. To keep the less than perfect parts of myself unseen, I create a diversion by compulsively launching into an Emmy-worthy performance. This accomplishes two things: It allows me to control the image of myself that I want to present and it prevents anyone from ever getting close to the real me. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: How I Quit Stalking Guys On Facebook And Twitter

Jennifer GaramFebruary 14, 2012 //

Facebook Stalker?

5 signs that you're a Facebook stalker. Read More »

Deleting Your Facebook Profile

This guy had better luck dating when he got rid of his Facebook profile. Read More »

Facebook Turn-Offs

These Facebook behaviors turn him off. Read More »

It all started a few years ago with an ex and one innocent Google search. In a moment of missing Jeremy*, a guy I’d dated a couple of years earlier, I typed his name and pressed “Enter,” thinking, What could it hurt? It did hurt though when the results returned an article about him and his new girlfriend, whom, I read, he now lived with.

Despite how painful this news was, after that initial Google I became addicted to looking him up online. My cocktail of choice was one parts Googling, two parts his blog, and three parts Twitter. With these sources mixed together, I could feel like I was somehow still connected to him. I was hooked, and I’d go through periods of reading his Twitter several times a day, every day. Keep reading »

5 Dangers Of Flirty Texting

Jennifer GaramFebruary 7, 2012 //

Texting Rules

What are the rules for texting? Read More »

Bad Dating Patterns

Break these 10 unhealthy dating patterns. 11 Photos »

Hormones and Texting

Our hormones don't respond to texts. Read More »

You give good text and are proud of it. Often finding yourself heavy texting with a crush or brand new love interest, you delight in the back-and-forth repartee, the dings announcing his new message, the way that crafting witty responses keeps your brain sharp and you on your toes. When you talk to your friends, they complain that the men they’re dating text too much. “It’s not even real communication!” they exclaim. “Why don’t they ever just pick up the f**king phone and call?!” But not you. You’re happy to stick to texts for as long as possible. Far from being daunted by a guy who never picks up the phone, you’ll dodge his calls and let him go straight to voicemail so you can text him back.

If this sounds like you, you could be flirting with disaster. While it’s fun, and even sometimes downright dirty to be a master texter, it could put you at risk for these dating pitfalls, especially early on in a relationship. So let your fingers do the talking if you must, but proceed with caution. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: How I Stopped Hating Valentine’s Day

Jennifer GaramFebruary 6, 2012 //

V-Day Survival Guide

For all your Valentine's Day needs. Read More »

V-day Not So Bad

John DeVore tells us why Valentine's Day is not so bad. Read More »

Skipping V-Day?

Here are some ways to avoid the holiday altogether. Read More »

In elementary school, Valentine’s Day was fun. I went to the stationery store with my Mom, picked out a box of perforated Smurf Valentines, and sat in front of the TV with a copy of my class list, making sure to include everyone as I wrote out my cards. I decorated a brown paper lunch bag with stickers and glitter, and carefully wrote my name in cursive with a red Magic Marker. The next day, I taped the bag to the side of my desk, and walked around the room depositing cards in everyone else’s bags. In return, I received cards from everyone else. All was fair in love and Valentine’s Day until 6th grade.

Then everything fell apart.

In 6th grade, my crush Josh* asked me to go to the Valentine’s Dance with him, which basically meant that I was his girlfriend. This being my first boyfriend, and for Valentine’s Day no less, I took it very seriously. After a class trip to the library to learn about the Dewey Decimal System, we stopped at the mall for lunch. I headed to a gift shop and studied the Valentine’s Day cards, finally selecting one that looked like a personal ad. For my boyfriend. Keep reading »

6 Playlists For Every Relationship Stage

Jennifer GaramFebruary 3, 2012 //

V-Day Survival Guide

For all your Valentine's Day needs. Read More »

Guys To Date

Here are 18 guys you should give a shot in 2012. Read More »

Bad Dating Patterns

Break these 10 unhealthy dating patterns. 11 Photos »

6 Playlists For Every Relationship Stage

View the Gallery / 7 Photos »

We all know that music can powerfully affect emotions, changing how you feel completely or intensifying the mood you’re already in. We also know that relationships can powerfully affect emotions, making you want to dance in the streets or hide out under the covers. Listening to the right song at the right moment will amp up your elation, pull you out of a funk, or plunge you deeper into despair. Click through for playlists to help you rejoice in the beginning of a new relationship, mourn the loss of an old one, or give you the strength to move on to the next.

Girl Talk: I’m Not A Recovering Alcoholic But I Act Like One

Jennifer GaramJanuary 20, 2012 //

Drunk Is A Feminist Issue

Why women everywhere should be concerned about binge-drinking. Read More »

Too Drunk?

If you're a drunk woman who gets raped, will you be taken seriously? Read More »

Recovery Envy

On envying those in recovery for addiction. Read More »

“She doesn’t drink,” my Mom said when someone offered me a glass of champagne at my sister’s wedding last summer.

“Mom!” I hissed. “Can you say ‘She doesn’t like to drink’? People are going to think I’m a recovering alcoholic!”

But after nodding no time and again to waiters coming around to refill wine and passing my empty glasses back to them, I noticed that to the casual bystander, I appear to be a recovering alcoholic. I don’t know anyone else who just doesn’t drink because they don’t like to, and won’t even have a sip of champagne for a toast. Unless they are sober. Which is when I realized that I have a lot in common with recovering alcoholics. Keep reading »

10 Unhealthy Dating Patterns And How To Break Them

Jennifer GaramJanuary 19, 2012 //

View the Gallery / 11 Photos »

Do Not Date These Guys

12 guys you shouldn't date in 2012. Read More »

Emotional Cripples

The 10 types of emotional cripples. 12 Photos »

If you feel like you missed the class that taught everything you needed to know about dating and you just can’t make these things called relationships work, you may be stuck in some unhealthy romantic patterns. These default strategies can often kick in without us even knowing it — from the moment those first crushy feelings arise and take hold until the relationship inevitably crashes and burns and sometimes beyond, making it difficult to get over a guy and move on with your dating life. Ironically, the very behaviors you engage in to get into a healthy, loving, committed relationship do just the opposite, leaving you in tremendous pain and feeling like you’re destined to be alone forever. Looking back at the wreckage of your relationship history, you’ll know if it’s time to cleanse your dating palate of the chaotic and destructive patterns that have gotten you to where you are, overwhelmed by loneliness and afraid you’ll be perpetually single. Click through to see some of the biggest offenders and suggestions for how to let them go. If you can break these deadly dating patterns, you might have a shot at that love thing after all. Even though you clearly missed that day in class. I think all of us did.