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Man Accused Of Performing Sexual Act With A Teddy Bear For Fourth Time

Once, twice, three times a lady. But four times with a teddy bear?

Charles Marshall of Cincinnati is accused of having sex with a teddy bear for the fourth time in the past two years, according to the Smoking Gun.

Marshall was arrested Wednesday after employees at a health clinic saw him masturbating with a teddy bear in an alley, according to a police report obtained by the Smoking Gun.

Marshall has three previous convictions for either public indecency or disorderly conduct with a teddy bear. This latest time he was hit with a disorderly conduct charge. Read more …

Shoplifter Shoves Prawns Up Skirt At Costco

While there’s no shortage of creative ways criminals try to steal loot from stores, shoving prawns up your skirt apparently isn’t the best strategy.

But Krystal Douglas, 26, and her accomplice, 68-year-old Charles Simboyan, clearly thought otherwise before they were caught shoplifting from a Costco on Monday, State Island Live reports.

According to the report, security guards approached the woman in the parking lot after noticing her awkward walk.

But what first tipped them off was the $5,000 worth of missing polo shirts, which they traced to the duo thanks to security footage, according to Staten Island Live.

Their arrest brought an end to a two week shoplifting spree at the Staten Island store, police told the New York Post. Read more …

Zombie Apocalypse: Singer Maynard Keenan Weighs In On Wine Pairings For Human Flesh

Everybody’s talking about the “Zombie Apocalypse,” and even those in fine dining are having a laugh with it.

Take Maynard James Keenan for example. To the public eye, he’s the frontman for the rock bands Tool and A Perfect Circle. In his off time, he’s a winery owner — and today he answers the age-old undead question: What wine goes best with human flesh?

He recently offered wine recommendations to would-be zombies who want to wash their down their brains with something besides blood, at the behest of the Miami News Times. Read more …

PAM, Sex Led To This Woman’s Arrest

She was lubed up, then locked up.

A Florida woman was fine with bringing olive oil, and even PAM cooking spray, into the bedroom. But when her boyfriend brought up his former fling named Pam, she wasn’t having it.

When Barbara Hall, 60, asked her 45-year-old boyfriend to go to the kitchen for some “sexual lubricant,” he obliged, according to police reports obtained by TC Palm.

Then things got slippery.

“Barbara asked if he had also brought the PAM cooking spray,” the report states. “Barbara believed [the victim] misunderstood what she had said, and commented on a girl named Pam. … [He] admitted to having sex with Pam recently on her boat.” Read more …

World Burping Championships: Tim Janus Wins With 18.1 Second Burp

By most accounts, burping is considered a sign of bad etiquette, but to a small group of people, it’s an actual athletic endeavor.

They are the stout-hearted and full-tummied members of the World Burping Federation, an organization that aims, according to its website, to promote “belching best practices” while “also seeking to remove the stigma that has become associated with belching in recent centuries.”

To that end, five founding members recently met in New York to participate in what was billed as the first annual World Burping Championship, with burper Tim Janus coming out on top with an 18.1-second burp. Read more …

Man Cuts Off Own Penis With X-Acto Knife (Police Believe Bath Salts Not Involved)

If you watched, or hosted, a late night TV show at any point since the mid-1990s you probably remember the story of Lorena Bobbit. Bobbit captured the national imagination when she used a kitchen knife to cut off her husband’s penis while he slept. That one incident alone paid for at least three of Jay Leno’s very expensive cars.

What happened in the typically sleepy San Francisco suburb of Fremont this week was a little different. Fremont police report they responded to a 911 call early Thursday morning to find a 20-year old man who had cut off his own penis with an X-Acto knife.

“Whether it’s paper, wood, cloth or any other material, X-Acto knives let you cut through almost anything with precision and ease,” X-Acto’s website reads. Read more …

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