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Robert Pattinson Is Going To Have A Talk With Rupert Sanders

Oh, you didn’t think that we were going to stop talking about this anytime soon, did you? I sure hope not, because The GreatKristen Stewart Scandal of 2012 is still going so, so strong. I imagine it will be like the The Great Scientology Divorce, also of 2012, only with more stories to keep the kids hooked. Something to look forward to!

Anyway, as we’ve already heard, poor Robert Pattinson has been taking this news hard, and understandably so. But now we’rehearing that while Rob doesn’t feel like talking to Kristen right now, he is planning on having a man-to-man chat with Rupert Sanders. Oh, Robert. Read more…

Even People Magazine Says Kristen Stewart Cheated On Robert Pattinson

This makes me so sad, but to be fair, I’m sure it makes poor Robert Pattinson even sadder. I bet he’s just sitting quietly at home, sipping tea and possibly writing heartbroken poetry because the love of his whole life cheated on him with some director. And of course, this whole thing hasn’t been confirmed or denied yet (and you know it won’t be, this is the couple who didn’t even publicly acknowledge their relationship for years, they’re not going to comment on every rumor, true or not), but it is in People.

The relationship between Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson has been rocked by the revelation that the actress had a brief fling with a married director, sources tell People. “Kristen is absolutely devastated,” says one source. “It was a mistake and a complete lapse in judgment.” Read more…

Brad Fischetti From LFO Spends All His Free Time At Abortion Clinics

You guys. This is crazy. You remember LFO, right? Of course you do. They’re the ones who like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch, remember? Yeah, those guys. Well, ever since their star began to fade in 2001, it doesn’t look like they’ve been up to too much. Rich Cronin, the cute blonde one on the far left, sadly passed away in 2010. Devin, the guy who Jennifer Love Hewitt is pressing up against, is a barber now, I believe. So where does that leave Brad, the striking young man in the middle?

Oh, you know, he just hangs out at an abortion clinic, trying to convince women who go in to “choose life.” Then he talks about it on Twitter. Read more…

Topless Adrien Brody At Cannes

This is like my lucky day. No, f-ck “like.” This is my lucky day. The only thing that could make this day luckier is if I were on that boat in Cannes with Adrien Brody while he’s shirtless and drinking junky white wine.

I’ve run across some pretty steamy Adrien Brody photos that depict the actor in various positions (shirt on, shirt off, smiling, not smiling, sitting, standing …), all of them laying under the warm, joyful blanket of “so f-cking hot”-ness. Read more …

Jennifer Aniston And Justin Theroux Are Wearing Matching Rings Now

You know what this (left) is? It’s a ring. That says ‘Justin.’ As in ‘Theroux’. Who is wearing it, and not because he’s such a ditz that he often forgets his own name and needs a reminder. Nope, he’s wearing it because Jennifer Aniston is making him under penalty of public breakdown it’s a symbol of his and Jennifer Aniston’s undying love for one another. Yup. She’s even got one to match (right), and hers is aptly screams ‘Jennifer.’ Read more…

This Is Sad: Chyna Is Starring In A Wrestling Porno

You guys remember Chyna, right? She used to be a lady wrestler, but then she developed addictions to various substances, made a sex tape, and became suicidal. I’m not really sure what order all that happened in, but all of it together means that Chyna’s life was kind of a mess: that is, until she went to rehab. Then, of course, she relapsed, and … I’m not really sure what happened. I never read anything about her, but according to Wikipedia, she starred in her first pornographic film last year, Backdoor to Chyna, “which is promoted as including her first anal sex scene,” so that’s something.

But 2012 is a new year with new possibilities … like a wrestling-themed porno. Great. Read more…

Taylor Momsen Cleans Up Nicely!

Well isn’t this a nice change now. Taylor Momsen wearing something other than undergarments and bloody, ripped fishnet stockings with thigh-high boots that could be used as arsenal in their own rights. And doesn’t she just look lovely?

Taylor here was photographed at New York’s Fashion week, where she kept the company of Stacy Keibler, Bar Refaeli, and other prolific women not generally known for using electrical tape on their nippies, sacrificing goats onstage or wearing black leather all of the time and hooking up with questionably-aged music fans. Maybe girlfriend could take a few pointers from these classy ladies, huh? Read more…

Who Is Slinky Sunbeam?

The odds are that you don’t recognize this young man at all. Don’t feel bad about it, because there’s no reason that you should really know what he looks like. But trust me, you probably hate him. You’ve probably, at some point, called him a dick, an a**hole, or whatever your favorite insult might be (do share!). Personally, I’ve contemplated watching The Craft over and over just so I can figure out how to put a really good spell on him, because seriously, what a jackass. To do what he did to one of the most lovely ladies …

Do you have any guesses? 

He’s that guy! That’s the guy that Adele wrote that phenomenal album, 21, about! He’s the inspiration for such touching masterpieces as “Rolling in the Deep,” “Someone Like You,” and “Don’t You Remember.” What a jerk, right? His name is Slinky Sunbeam. For real. Read more…

Courtney Stodden Was A Tramp For Valentine’s Day

But of course I’m making a play on words here – I’d never insinuate that Courtney Stodden was an outright tramp – how ludicrous! I’m simply talking about the Disney flick, “Lady and the Tramp,” because they’re OBVIOUSLY reenacting the famous dog-eating-spaghetti scene. I’m not sure who’s supposed to be “Lady” and who’s supposed to be “Tramp,” but I think it’s a safe bet to say that Doug Hutchison is no tramp. I mean, Courtney’s probably the first chick he’s ever slept with (and that still triggers my gag reflex, even after Chocolate! Cheerios!), so there’s that, too. Read more…

Gwyneth Paltrow Wants You To Have A Great Valentine’s Day

In case you forgot, Valentine’s Day is tomorrow, and it’s so important that you do everything right for your significant other. Do you understand that? Nothing else matters right now other than you not screwing up that special day tomorrow for your partner, and nobody knows that better than Gwyneth Paltrow. And since Gwyneth is such a sweetheart, she’s taken it upon herself to put together a step-by-step guide for you to give to your lover so that he doesn’t mess everything up tomorrow. That Gwyneth, always such a gem!

Gwyn went ahead and made a timeline so Valentine’s Day can run as smoothly as possible. The first step is to print out the guide and leave it somewhere for your “other half” to find because “they’ll get the hint.”  Tee-hee! Read more…

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