- “Made” on MTV at 9:00 a.m.
- “Dirty Jobs” on Discovery at 10:00 a.m.
- “The Closer” on TNT at 11:00 a.m.
You are allowed to protect your baby sister so that she remains in a happy, giant bubble, far away from bills, landlords, and men, right? Right? It’s reasonable that she remain approximately 12 years old forever, arguing at the lunch table that the Spice Girls are no good, playing lacrosse, and dating nobody? Perfectly reasonable. OK, so maybe extreme eternal youth is totally creepy in an “Interview with the Vampire” Claudia kind of way. And it isn’t truly what I want for my own little sister, but recently I’ve found my protective-sibling-claws coming out.
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I used to get the back-home gossip from my mother. In the olden days, when “Men in Black II” came out, she was like a Greek oracle or a Shakespearean seer. With her job in the school district, she always knew what was happening with everyone. Charlie’s a plumber and about to be engaged to Samantha the artist. Bobby, who had that baby so young, is working for the fire department. Mom always knew how to deliver the news; she’s your oldest confidante. She knows that when you’re too old for that kind of thing, you’re still gonna cry when the last strawberry in the floundering patch dies, and about that boy who was soooo cute when you were 15 and gangly. When the news was bad, I was prepared before she spoke because of her deep inhale and too-long pause. After telling me the girl who wore sneakers to the senior prom was killed by a drunk driver, we stayed on the phone together.
Then came the “just the facts, ma’am” Facebook. Keep reading »
Last Sunday, there was a big post-underpants bomber mess at Newark Airport in New Jersey. The entire place was completely shut down—everyone in the terminal was evacuated and had to be rescanned to enter—because some dude walked the wrong way through security and disappeared into the crowd. So did this man have nefarious intentions? No, in true fairytale form, it turns out all he was after was a kiss. Here’s what happened: TSA agent Ruben Hernandez was keeping watch at the security barrier when an unnamed gentleman said farewell to his lady friend. The lady went off for her flight, and the man tried to follow her. At first, no problem—Hernandez stopped Romeo. But then the agent’s cell phone rang. While Hernandez was distracted, our unnamed suitor slipped unnoticed under the rope to spend some more time snogging his lady love. And panic ensued. All I have to say is, come on! Hasn’t TSA seen a romantic comedy before? (Or that episode of Friends when Janice shows up at the airport to bid Chandler goodbye as he leaves for his originally BS trip to Yemen?) Apparently not. They are currently using video footage and cross-checking it with airplane manifests to try to find the woman in question, hoping that she will lead to the still MIA Romeo. [New York Post]