This week I got a letter from a lady who is learning that love may hurt, but sex can leave a bruise: “I met a guy who’s shaping up to be pretty awesome. Except, he squeezed my boobs so hard the other night that i woke up the next morning with black and blue bruises from where his fingers were. Needless to say, next time I see him, we’ll be having a little chit-chat. Or will we? Because when I look in the mirror instead of thinking, ‘Ew, those nasty marks are GROSS!’, my thought process is more along the lines of, ‘Hell yeah, I got some last night!’ I generally have the same reaction when I get hickeys, even if it’s a pain to cover them up and they look horrendous. Is it strange to take pleasure in getting sex scars?”
Yeah! You got some! [Insert victory dance here.] Meanwhile, I was just watching “Project Runway.”
Anyway, I once was in love with a biter. One night, he chomped down on my nips so hard I couldn’t wear a bra for two days. It hurt so good that I’m not even embarrassed to say I like the John Mellencamp song of the same name! No need to be disgusted by yourself. Maybe you’re just discovering that you’re into S&M like a lot of peeps, including yours truly. Psst, I’m an easy bruiser too.
Battle wounds are cool, and love marks are a source of pride — that is, unless they embarrass you at the office. Here’s how I cover ‘em up to save corporate face… Keep reading »
When it comes to orgasms, we all are left wondering what will make the magic happen for us. For ladies, sometimes seeing an impressive instrument is believing. Heck, even I obsessed over “How To Predict The Size Of A Penis.” But does the distance of his dong really matter when it comes to coming? Keep reading »
This week, I got a letter from a lady who’s full of hot air:
“Last night, I was trying to impress this guy I’ve been seeing by trying to bend like a pretzel in bed. Unfortunately, I farted while moving my leg over. It was loud, it was smelly. It was so embarrassing. There was a definite pause … and then we just kept going. It was the most awkward thing that has ever happened to me. Will he ever think I’m sexy again? It was only the fourth time we had sex.”
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This week, I got a letter from a woman who’s worried she doesn’t know her own strength:
“I’m finally seeing a new guy regularly and he’s great, but we’re having a major issue in the bedroom department. I’ve always had glowing reviews before, and this new guy and I are definitely compatible, but sometimes we have to stop because somehow I’ve … bent his penis? The last time it happened, I had already orgasmed, but he was telling me he might not be able to (another really frustrating problem, but a more manageable one — he said he was tired). Anyway, he pulled out too far mid-thrust and then instead of going straight back in there, he got off track and ended up smushing himself against me and hurting himself! This has happened before but I thought it was due to dryness, so we added lube and things were fine for a while, but it’s happened since and dryness was not to blame. I’m not sure if I’m doing something wrong or what, but I’m starting to get concerned and I don’t want him to be disappointed and writhing in pain every time we have sex! It doesn’t happen every single time, but it’s enough that it’s a problem. Please help me!”
Oh girl, this is an emergency! Here’s how you can play doctor.
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This week I got a letter from a teeny bopper, who just can’t seem to “She Bop,” if you know what I mean. She wrote:
I’m 19, have never had a boyfriend, and am still a virgin.
I’m not coming to you for relationship advice; the way I see it I don’t need a man right now. The thing is, as I’m sure you know, sex dominates culture. Just because I’ve never done it doesn’t mean I haven’t heard stories, and it’s made me pretty damn horny. I’m kind of curious about masturbation, but I feel like I’m just doing it wrong. Nothing seems to really get me there. Do you have advice for a beginner like me?
Well, honey, even a ho like me will tell you that there’s no rush to lose your virginity — especially if you’ haven’t orgasmed on your own first! Lettin’ some dude sock it to you before you know how to get off isn’t gonna do it for ya. No man is that good. You’ve got to take your O into your own hands! You’ve got to solve, or rather diddle, your own ecstasy riddle. So, all that work you’ve been doing feeling around down there, even if it hasn’t finished the job, is a good start! Now here’s how you can take yourself all the way home. Keep reading »
This week, I got a letter from a lady who is wondering if she can let her date play Moses and part the Red Sea.
“I have recently been flirting with an old hookup and we have both been hinting at wanting to rekindle the affair. We live in different cities, and he is coming to visit this weekend and I have a suspicion that we’ll be having sex. Unfortunately, my period is due to come on Friday! How do I go about having sex during my period without getting everything messy and/or grossing both of us out? I read that you can have sex while wearing the Instead Cup, so I’m totally on that one and hope it works!” —
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