I knew that I was a lesbian very early on. As I reached my twenties, it was clear that I was a butch lesbian, with more “male” energy than “female.” But my long hair and curvy body was not supporting my self-image. That had to change. It’s not that I wanted to be a guy exactly, I just wanted to be able to pass as one—the hair, the look, the attitude. For me, it was not about altering my body so much as it was about altering my hair. The right haircut would put a swagger in my step, a bit of mischief in my eye, and help me attract the femme woman of my dreams. Keep reading »
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A long time ago, right before I met the man who would become my husband, I dated a guy named Gary,* a new-age rocket scientist who excelled in many things, including the art of self-promotion.
I remember that cold February night, a week before Valentine’s Day, when we were driving in his car. He had played his guitar and sung songs at his church that day and was giving me the post-mortem on his performance. Keep reading »
When my boyfriend announced that he was getting Lasik surgery a few months ago, I was unnerved. Glasses are my thing—one of those obscure attributes that immediately attracts me to somebody, no matter how brutish or repelling the rest of his personality may be. For one of my girlfriends, it’s large veins on a man’s forearms. For another, it’s a defined jaw line (to the extent that she lists Michael Bolton and Ed Harris as her top celebrity crushes because of it). For me, it’s a hot pair of … lenses. Keep reading »
Dating to find the right person, i.e. kind, mentally healthy,and moderately good-looking, can be real challenge. So many nicely wrapped packages end up holding a lump of coal. Or a big pile of poo.
I thought I’d share several types to watch out for in the dating lottery game. Warning: not all bad ‘uns come stamped with “Loser” across their forehead. Too bad for us little girls getting our hearts broke. Again.
We’ll start with some lightweights (revealed in less than three dates) and work our way up to the big stinker (can suck up years of your life). Keep reading »
With all the recent swine flu hoopla, even the most hygienically-lax of us have begun giving second thoughts to our cleanliness—soaping up for at least fifteen seconds, coughing into our elbows, and using antibacterial gel every time we enter a new room. There are endless opportunities to sterilize and re-sterilize, and it seems that we intend to use all of them as often as humanly possible. We’re nothing if not clean at this point, right? Well, true for our hands, but what about one of those other appendages women use just as much—our purse? Keep reading »
This afternoon, I was at my parents’ house for a family friend get-together. I always enjoy these “parties” because they are both low-key and you are able to receive an update on the lives of people that you haven’t seen for years! But, slowly the conversation always dwindles to a certain sensitive topic, or one that I am incredibly passionate about. As a single young woman, I am also a huge feminist, and I get this certain itch in my chest when I hear statements that just don’t agree with my heart. Keep reading »
Recently, I was taking in a rare sunny day on my lunch break, when I ran into an acquaintance. The first thing she said to me wasn’t “Hi” or “How are you?” but “Wow, you look so tired!” I don’t even remember my immediate response because I was too focused on my depleting self-esteem levels. I wanted to say, “Gee, thanks. Actually, I was feeling pretty rested and refreshed until you said that,” but I changed the subject instead.
I’d love to say this was an isolated incident, but accidentally insulting comments like “Rough night?” or “You seem so frazzled!” are surprisingly commonplace in social situations. Most of the time, the people who say them are well-intentioned, but that doesn’t take the sting out of an unintentional slight. So what are the most common offenders when it comes to the worst things you can say to people? Keep reading »
In this economic climate, everyone wants to avoid getting laid off. The number one way to do this is to have a strong relationship with your immediate manager. Here are some strategies that have worked well for me over the years. Keep reading »
While choosing bedazzled table linens and lacy garters can be stimulating, wedding planning can also be pure misery. Every day I fantasize about telling my mother and future mother-in-law to take a hike so my fiancé and I can hightail it to Vegas, or even better, Paris, or some exotic, beachy location, but unfortunately, that isn’t in the stars for my impending nuptials. Keep reading »
Breaking up is hard to do especially when you have to go to work the next day. After spending an entire evening arguing with your, now ex-boyfriend, the last thing you want to do is deal with the idiots in accounting or the crazy client who can’t make up her mind. Unfortunately, business doesn’t cease because of your broken heart. Here, readers tell us how they survived a breakup—and the ensuing workweek—and lived to love again. Keep reading »