Dater X

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Dater X: What You See Is What You Get

It gives me great pleasure to inform you that I HAVE A DATE THIS WEEKEND. I was so busy complaining about being stuck in the single slog, that I failed to mention I’ve been casually chatting with a nice gentleman on OKCupid. I try not to get my hopes up these days, and wasn’t eve…

By: Dater X / December 4, 2013

Dater X: When The Single Slog Sets In

I’m just going to come out and say it: I can't stomach being single anymore. With the exception of a few men who’ve come and gone, lasting only a few weeks here and a few months there, I’ve been dating unsuccessfully for about four years now. There have been periods of time where I’ve swor…

By: Dater X / November 27, 2013

Dater X: A Thanksgiving Wish List For My Future Partner

Right around this time every year I start to sulk, wondering why I’m still single and asking myself if it’s really necessary for the folks over at Kay Jewelers to inundate us with sappy commercials every two and a half minutes. I usually cope by drowning my dark thoughts in turkey and extra large glasse…

By: Dater X / November 20, 2013

Dater X: Mourning Friends And Family After A Breakup

After a relationship ends, you prepare yourself for hard nights missing the other person. Your friends comfort you by telling you someone else out there is even better for you, and that happiness is just around the corner. But no one prepares you for the loss of the people who come with the breakup; the…

By: Dater X / November 13, 2013

Dater X: Dating Outside Your Race When You Have A Racist Parent

When I arrived at work the other day, there was an unread message in my inbox from a coworker with the subject line "Would It Be Weird If…" I clicked on the message, eager to discover the second half of her cliffhanger. The email said: Would it be weird if I tried to set you…

By: Dater X / November 6, 2013

Dater X: Surviving The Wedding And Baby Phase Of Life When You’re Single

This morning on my way into work, I hopped on Facebook to see what was happening in the world— and instantly, I regretted it. The first thing I saw on my newsfeed was an album from a college friend’s bachelorette party. That’s nice, I thought, as I looked at the pictures of her all drunk…

By: Dater X / October 30, 2013

Dater X: When One Door Closes…

I was an hour into my first date with Hot Doctor when he moved in for the kill. Lucky for him, I was so totally taken off guard by his kiss that I didn't have the wherewithal to swat him away. Less than 10 seconds later, he went for my boob, and then it wa…

By: Dater X / October 23, 2013

Dater X: I Am Ready For Love

When I first agreed to write Dater X, there were several things I accepted from the get-go: I knew that this column would require me to reveal intimate details about my personal life to complete strangers. I understood that in doing so, my sharing would be therapeutic, as I’ve always been someone who learns, heal…

By: Dater X / October 16, 2013

Dater X: Stuck Between A Rock And A Bar Place

As I approach my two-year anniversary as an online dater (AKA my slow descent into madness), I’m finding myself incredibly bitter about the fact that I still haven’t met “the one.” I've always believed that there are multiple soul mates out there for everyone, but that the one person you end up with is entirely…

By: Dater X / October 9, 2013

Dater X: Are We Really Talking About Sex Before Our First Date?

This past week, I got a bunch of messages on OKCupid. Some of the guys I’d never consider because I tend to avoid men who tell me they prefer to "stay home on most Friday nights and read poetry with a good glass of single malt." Others seemed too old for me... and that's not even including…

By: Dater X / October 2, 2013

Dater X: Do I Really Have To Date Older Guys?

What I didn't tell you last week was that I was dating someone. He was a 25-year-old who recently returned from Europe where he lived as an expat for almost a year, met a girl, fell in love, then got his heart broken before he returned. I asked him multiple times if he was ready…

By: Dater X / September 25, 2013

Dater X: You Have To Screw A Lot Of Frogs

“What exactly are you looking for?” my date asked me, as we made small talk on two barstools at a tiny Mexican restaurant in New York City's Hell’s Kitchen neighborhood last weekend. I’ve been asked that question about my love life so many times over the last three years that I’ve lost count. But thi…

By: Dater X / September 18, 2013

Dater X: A Lifetime Full Of Relationship Firsts

He looked terribly handsome as he tossed his shaggy dark hair and laughed just a little too hard at my bad joke. While his posture telegraphed confidence -- upright yet leaned back, big smile across his face -- the laugh told me, “Whoa. This guy is just a little bit nervous.” I felt nervous too…

By: Dater X / March 22, 2013

Dater X: Learning To Ask The Bigger Questions

Two summers ago, I remember sitting on a bar stool, anxiously twirling a straw in my Rum and Coke as a guy I'd been dating for a little over a month explained why he didn't think we should see each other anymore. "Why?" I asked, stunned. He hemmed and hawed for a moment, and opened…

By: Dater X / August 3, 2011

Dater X: I’m In A Great Relationship, So Can I Stop Freaking Out Now?

Last Thursday, I prepared myself for what I thought would be a big milestone in my relationship with The Young One. His older sister—who serves double duty as his best friend—was visiting and I was going to meet her for the first time over dinner. That morning, I rummaged through my closet, trying to find…

By: Dater X / June 8, 2011

Dater X: 10 Things I Did Right As A Single Woman

Last night, while watching "The Bachelor: The Women Tell All," I found myself getting more than a little choked up watching Ashley Spivey's one-on-one interview with Chris Harrison. Her hands folded delicately in her lap, she talked about how Brad Womack's rejection feels like a pattern she's been stuck in for years. On that first…

By: Dater X / March 8, 2011

Dater X: The 10 New Relationship Commandments

It's been three years since I've uttered the phrase, "This is my boyfriend, __________." So every time I've said it in the past two weeks, as the word 'boyfriend' passed through my lips, it felt both totally foreign and completely natural. Even though it's a word that conjures up images of high school and "Do…

By: Dater X / March 1, 2011

Dater X: I’m (Drum Roll) In Love

Like a cat who constantly wants to be petted, I have an insatiable need for back rubs. I am forever asking significant others for them—a request that is usually obliged, but that is sometimes met with a "Maybe later," an "I'm tired" or, worse, an "Again?" So far, The Young One has been happy to…

By: Dater X / February 22, 2011

Dater X: I’m In Relationship Limbo

Yesterday evening, I met The Young One outside my office with no idea of where we were going or what we were doing to celebrate Valentine's Day. I'd pressed him for clues all week and the most he would give me was, "You'll really like it," and "If you wear heels, nothing too high." We…

By: Dater X / February 15, 2011

Dater X: Looking Forward To Valentine’s Day, For Once

I love Halloween. Ditto Thanksgiving. I am all about the Fourth of July—bring on the fireworks and hot dogs. I even enjoy a good April Fool's prank. In fact, there is only one secular holiday that makes me break out into hives: Valentine's Day. See, St. Valentine and I have a complex relationship.

By: Dater X / February 8, 2011