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Dater X: Love Is About Choice, Not Chance

Dater X: Love Is About Choice, Not Chance

I’m convinced that 2015 is going to be a year of learning for me. We’re only a few weeks into the new year, and I like to think I’ve already discovered quite a few things about myself, big and small, both in life and in love. But it wasn’t until I got together with my friend Bree for drinks and we got to talking about relationships that I realized that in all of my years of failures and successes, awkward dates and silly mishaps, and love and loss, that I have maintained one constant through it all: I always, ALWAYS  choose to love. Keep reading »

Dater X: Conducting A Love Experiment

Dater X: Conducting A Love Experiment

After returning from a much-needed vacation, I got back into my daily groove of hitting the snooze button, rushing out the door at 8am in a haphazard, almost Kramer-like fashion and finally settling in on my commute into work. Usually I skim through Instagram and Twitter during my ride, a thoughtless way to ease into the day, but occasionally I check out the New York Times, depending on how prepared I am to be depressed about the world before I’ve even had my first cup of coffee. This week, I opted to be educational, and stumbled across the Times’ latest Modern Love column called “To Fall In Love With Anyone, Do This.”

Say no more. Keep reading »

Dater X: My Relationship Goal For The New Year Is To Be Secure With Me

Dater X: My Relationship Goal For The New Year Is To Be Secure With Me

In my last post, I shared with you a comprehensive list of guys I’ve dated, slept with, or come in contact with over the last year, and the lessons I learned from each. Some of them were men I’d met only once or twice, and others were guys who I actually had feelings for, but looking at that list — I mean REALLY taking a hard look at the amount of men who entered my life in 2014 — is upsetting to me. On one hand, I tell myself that I put myself out there, continued to get back on the horse when love didn’t go my way and that I faced the dating world with resilience. On the other hand, I look at that list and wonder why not even one guy stuck around. Ultimately, it boils down to the fact that, in the new year, I need to be more secure with me. I need to feel confident in my decisions and know that mistakes, successes and failures are all my own. Keep reading »

Dater X: The Men Of 2014 And What They’ve Taught Me

Dater X: The Men Of 2014 And What They've Taught Me

When I tried to recall all the men who’ve come and gone in my love life over the last year, I wasn’t surprised to find myself staring at a list of names and anxiously tapping my pen, knowing there were a couple I’d forgotten. 2014 was most certainly The Year Of The Dudes. With almost one man for every month of the year, despite the fact that some relationships (and I use that term loosely) lasted longer than others, there was no shortage of testosterone in my dating life — or bed — in 2014. It’s not always easy to look back and reflect on failure, but I’m choosing to see those “failures” as learning opportunities, and one-by-one, share with you what I’ve taken away from each man. Keep reading »

Dater X: I’m Going To Have To Say No To “Fuck Yes Or No”

Dater X: I'm Going To Have To Say No To "Fuck Yes Or No"

Earlier this week, a friend of mine sent me an article by Mark Manson titled “Fuck Yes or No,” with a simple directive: “Read this.” Since it had the word ‘fuck’ in it, I was obviously sold, considering the F-bomb has been my favorite word since I was old enough to pronounce consonants.

The piece describes the all-too-common “grey area” of dating, where “feelings are ambiguous or one person has stronger feelings than the other.” We’ve all been there (and I can admit when I’m guilty). But according to Manson, if you’re in the grey area to begin with, you’ve already lost. To help assure you that you’re entering into an equally beneficial and enthusiastic partnership, Manson says you should apply “The Law Of Fuck Yes Or No” (TLOFYON) to each and every romantic situation. Keep reading »

Dater X: Is Success A Turn-Off For Some Men?

Dater X: Is Success A Double-Edged Sword?

Last Friday, I was hanging out with two of my girlfriends and our pals Jack and José (Daniels and Cuervo, that is), when I heard myself uttering the words, “He’s obviously intimidated by your success.” Though a cliche, I actually meant it. I was trying to console my friend Bree, who had just been ghosted by a guy she really liked. After listening to the series of events which had taken place with her and Bartender Dude over the course of a couple weeks— they met through mutual friends, went on a couple dates and really seemed to hit it off, but after she brought up her enviable career and future aspirations, he backed off and then faded completely. it seemed to me like the guy she was seeing really WAS intimidated by the fact that she, in simple terms, has her shit together. So what is it about a successful woman that some men see as a threat instead of a turn-on? Keep reading »

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