Cracked

5 Insignificant Things That Determine Who You Have Sex With

If nothing else, this website is devoted to helping you find a mate ... using science. After all, attracting a partner is still a thankless chore full of wearing pants and pretending to care. Or is it? Turns out there are even more things that get people to consider knowing us in the biblical way,…
By: Cracked / February 4, 2012

6 Popular Fashion Trends (That Killed People)

If we know our readers, then we're guessing fashion dominates your every thought. But how far would you go to be wearing the absolute latest and hottest looks? Would you wear something knowing it could, at some point, kill your ass? Through history men and women have been asked that exact question, and time and…
By: Cracked / February 1, 2012

6 Douchebag Luxury Goods Originally Invented To Help People

If, like most of us, you find yourself secretly hating rich people now and then, it's probably because of the stupid and frivolous shit they buy. Even if you're not a Marxist, you can't help but think of the starving children of the world when you see some douchebag professional athlete sitting on his yacht,…
By: Cracked / January 22, 2012

The 7 Most Baffling Things About Women’s Clothes

There are a lot of annoying things about being a woman, like periods, childbirth and not being able to play basketball in a way that keeps spectators awake. But near the top of the list has got to be buying clothes. I know one way to fix it is just to be ballsy and wear…
By: Cracked / January 17, 2012

5 Self-Defense Books For Women (Who Want To Lose A Fight)

Ladies, it is time to chew bubblegum and to kick ass. And we are all out of bubblegum, kick, and ass! These are five self-defense books so bad that by the time you're done reading them, you'll be dead.
By: Cracked / January 15, 2012

The 7 Jerks You Meet In Every Gym

Serving in my capacity as a chair-bound fitness expert, I'm here to shed some light on the gym experience, and in particular, list some of the awful, awful people you're about to meet on your self-improvement/desalination journey, and how you should deal with them.
By: Cracked / January 13, 2012

8 Kids Movies That Lied to Us

Production companies have made millions giving children exactly what they want: whether it's to be an adult, get rich, or meet David Bowie, indulging childhood fantasies is a hallmark of family films. Imagine the trauma those same children undergo when they're forced to realize that being an adult sucks, getting rich entails smuggling drugs i…
By: Cracked / January 10, 2012

The 7 Craziest Things Ever Done To Get Laid

It's no secret that most great accomplishments in human history made by men were done in the name of impressing the opposite sex. Men would not become astronauts if it did not afford them the opportunity to tell women at parties that they are astronauts. Yet, some men still find ways to go above and…
By: Cracked / January 7, 2012

5 Dating Sites For Terrible People To Find Terrible Love

One of my New Year's resolutions was to get back into the dating scene, but there's only one problem: It has been mathematically proven that I'm terrible at it. And I finally understand why: It's because I'm a terrible person. But that doesn't mean I'm doomed to be awful alone, because at last, there's a dating…
By: Cracked / January 4, 2012

8 Apps Designed Specifically For Modern Douchebags

Most of what we know about ancient cultures is based on their technology. We know what they ate based on the grains that are mashed into their stoneware and what they did for fun based on the absence of video games in their little mud huts. Similarly, we can tell a great deal…
By: Cracked / January 2, 2012

The 6 Worst “Vacations” People Actually Pay For

Want to get away from it all? Need a break from your shitty job? Want to relax for a bit and not be stressed out? Then don't go on any of these vacations. #6. Tour the Sewers of Paris, Cost: $3 Per Day Paris isn't all poodles and Eiffel Towers, and it goes without saying that there's more…
By: Cracked / December 19, 2011

7 Insane Festivals You Won’t Believe Are Legal

Ah, the holidays: A time to give thanks, spend time with family, eat good food, light your neighbors on fire, rub engine oil in grandma's eyes, get drunk, fight a bull and dress up in a white tuxedo to ward off the furious ghosts of fish. What, that doesn't sound like your holidays? Well,…
By: Cracked / December 14, 2011

5 Ridiculous Sex Myths From History (You Probably Believe)

Since the sexual revolution of the '60s, we tend to think that sexuality from the Baby Boomers back to the beginning of time was a long history of repressed urges, prudish fundamentalist restrictions and brutal rape politics. But it turns out that a lot of what BBC dramas tell you about sex in history i…
By: Cracked / December 13, 2011

5 Ways Porn Created The Modern World

Looking back at all the progress humanity has made through the last century, it's perfectly natural to feel a little bit moved by the power of human ingenuity and our thrive for constant improvement. It's natural, but also totally wrong. Because if you really look into the history of our technological development, you'll notice that…
By: Cracked / December 11, 2011

4 Celebrity Workout Videos That Should Not Have Been

Do you want a hot body like your favorite Hollywood star? Would you settle for second favorite? Third? Look, how about you tell me where LaToya Jackson ranks in your top 10 and we'll go from there. The aerobics VHS tape is apparently some trial that every celebrity must go through, and after years of…
By: Cracked / December 4, 2011

The 7 Hardest People To Buy Holiday Gifts For

With the end of the Thanksgiving weekend, we enter that long, grim death march known as the holiday season. It's a time marked by cold weather, wet feet and societal pressure to buy thoughtful gifts for your family or, depending on your circumstances, the group of circus oddities who have become like a family to…
By: Cracked / December 1, 2011

6 Terrifying Things Nobody Tells You About Donating Sperm

To a young guy with not much money, sperm donation seems too good to be true. It pays well (as we've pointed out before) and requires you to do nothing more than what you'd be doing anyway. And if you happen to help a childless couple along the way, that's just icing o…
By: Cracked / November 19, 2011

14 “Luxury” Sex Toys For The Extremely Rich And Creepy

Whether you're in the 99 percent or the 1 percent, sex is the one thing that unifies us all. It's not like the richest people on earth can upgrade to platinum genitals that fire aphrodisiac darts, right? Right? Well, no they can't. But it turns out that rich people have access to all sorts of…
By: Cracked / November 13, 2011

4 Pieces Of Relationship Advice Movies Need To Stop Giving

If you're anything like me, you had two parents: The Streets, and Pop Culture. When it comes to The Streets, I cannot give a higher recommendation, every kid should be so lucky to spend a few years in the school of hard knocks and so forth. As far as Pop Culture goes, however, there are…
By: Cracked / November 6, 2011

The 50 Creepiest Pieces Of Romance Advice Ever Published

Sorry, single people, this week's column is for lovers only. Now that those lonely people are gone, hold that lover close and enjoy 50 highlights from three romantic books that offer tips for every day of the year: 365 Ways to KISS Your Love, 365 Great Ways to Say I Love You, and 365 Ways to be Romantic by…
By: Cracked / October 29, 2011

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