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5 Classic Pop Culture Moments Actors Made Up On The Fly

We have nothing against writers (much of this very website is written by them), but we can’t pretend that every iconic TV and movie character or moment is carefully crafted by expert scribes hunched over a desk. Often the writer comes up with only a vague idea (or a specific yet terrible one) and the actor has to think up something better on the spot. In fact, some of the most iconic scenes of all time come about this way. Read more at Cracked…

6 Famous Documentaries That Were Shockingly Full Of Crap

On some level, we all know that almost everything we see at the movies is bullshit, from the amount of bullets a person can take without dying to what the job of pizza delivery boy actually entails. Except documentaries. Documentaries are where we turn off the snark and open our minds to learn about distant lands, alarming realities, and how much McDonald’s a dude can eat.

However, it turns out that some of the most acclaimed documentaries ever are about as real as “Borat.” Read more at Cracked…

5 Things To Remember When Your Life Goes To Hell

If there’s an upside to spending most of your life in abject poverty and soul-sucking alcoholism, it’s that you become an expert in shit-handling. Many of you out there can testify that it doesn’t make you panic any less when personal disasters do pop up, but it seems like the more frequently you fall into a sewer, the more skilled you become at battling the turtles that reside within.

But no matter how skilled we get at handling a good old-fashioned clusterfuck, there are still some basic reminders that we could all use when we’re right in the thick of it. Read more at Cracked…

The 3 Most Excruciating Music Videos Of The Summer

A good music video can make a mediocre song tolerable, but a bad music video of an equally bad song creates an aural singularity of fart-stained terribleness. These are the worst we’ve seen so far this year — and 2013 is far from over. Consider the following your State of the Union address for “Things That Will Make Two of Your Five Senses Atrophy,” or perhaps a sonic Cerberus of “Shittiest Song of Summer 2013.” In any case, we’re sorry. Read more at Cracked…

5 Movies That Improved The Book (According To The Author)

Uh-oh. They’ve made your favorite book into a movie. And, of course, they’ve changed everything: Bill Spacechek, the courageous Polish protagonist, is now Biff SpaceChest, Aryan super-soldier. That touching scene in the garden is now an exploding cruise ship.

Hollywood seems to love books, except for everything inside of them. But sometimes, when the stars align and the directors sync up just so … sometimes they get it right. And some other times they get it so right that even the original author has to snap his or her fingers and go “Damn, that is way better than the crap I put down.” Read more at Cracked…

6 Ways Smart Technology Has Made Things Dumber

People are pretty technology-happy these days. We pore over rumors and specs on technology websites, we stand in line to get the newest gadgets, and we beat up people who dare own phones a couple years out of date. New technology isn’t just anticipated, it’s damn near fetishized. Witness the growing trend of “unboxing,” YouTube videos dedicated to providing loving, tender footage of someone delicately taking a new product out of its packaging. Look them up if you want, but maybe make sure there’s no one else in the room when you do it; they’re seriously almost pornographic. Read more at Cracked…

5 Things Men Will Never Understand About Consoling A Woman

5 Things Men Will Never Understand About Consoling A Woman

One of the weirdest, most awkward parts of a relationship is knowing how to react when the other reaches their limit and shoots a geyser of saline out of their eyeholes. At least it is for men — I obviously can’t speak for women because of all this dong. But it seems to me that women are just as baffled at a man’s lack of knowledge on how to react in those moments, as men are when a woman has them.

I can’t fix that. Hell, I don’t know if anyone can … but I can at least explain why we turn into drooling dipshits when we see you crying. Read more on Cracked…

12 Sexual Positions That Should Be Named After Celebrities

12 Sexual Positions That Should Be Named After Celebrities

As a writer, I like to think I have my finger on the pulse of the people, and if there’s one thing people are tired of these days, it’s sex, right? I mean, seriously, YAWN. Your junk goes in their fun spot and you moan and repeat and count to 10 until it’s all over. (At least this is how Adam Tod Brown explained sex to me. I’m not sure. I’ve never kissed a girl.) Anyway, I know the world is tired of sex, but y’know what it can’t get enough of? CELEBRITIES!

That got me thinking. Is there a way to combine sex and celebrities? I mean besides a sex tape. What if, I wondered, I wrote a book laying out all-new sexy, sexy, sex positions and named those positions after a bunch of famous people? I mean, we need some new sex positions. Reverse Cowgirl, 69, Doggy Style … it’s all old school, but we here at Cracked are hip! That’s why I was able to convince Jack O’Brien to personally fund my new book: The Big Book of Celebrity Sex Positions. Read more on Cracked…

4 Surefire Ways to Ruin the Mood During Any Sexual Encounter

4 Surefire Ways to Ruin the Mood During Any Sexual Encounter

There are as many ways to have sex as there are people in the world, which of course is incorrect, and I can back that statement up in no way whatsoever. I’d say maybe there are as many ways to have sex as there are Pokemon. That could be reasonable. So there’s a lot, but not like an insane, unbelievable amount. That said, for all the ways there are to have sex, there’s an equal number of ways to ruin that sex, intentionally or otherwise; blunders that just make the whole situation a wash. Rarely do you ever legitimately want to give up on sex when it starts, but sometimes you must.

I wrote not too long ago about awkward situations that make you feel like a dick, and backtracking sex was the first entry, but clearly the entire subject deserves more depth, as some people went so far as to disagree with me that it was even a thing that ever needs to happen. Let me assure you it’s certainly a thing that needs to happen, and for more reasons than the hygiene and/or insanity examples I used in that article.

1. Dirty Talk Mishap. According to a survey conducted by a sex toy manufacturer, 80 percent of people enjoy the use of dirty talk during sex. Of course, that’s 80 percent of people who do surveys conducted by sex toy manufacturers, so we have to assume that, in the population at large, the number is somewhat lower. Read more on Cracked…

6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You A Better Person

2013, motherfuckers. Yeah! LET’S DO THIS.

“Do what?” you ask. I DON’T KNOW. LET’S FIGURE THAT OUT TOGETHER, MOTHERFUCKERS.

Feel free to stop reading this if your career is going great, you’re thrilled with your life and you’re happy with your relationships. Enjoy the rest of your day, friend, this article is not for you. You’re doing a great job, we’re all proud of you. So you don’t feel like you wasted your click, here’s a picture of Lenny Kravitz wearing a gigantic scarf.

For the rest of you, I want you to try something: Name five impressive things about yourself. Write them down or just shout them out loud to the room. But here’s the catch — you’re not allowed to list anything you are (i.e., I’m a nice guy, I’m honest), but instead can only list things that you do (i.e., I just won a national chess tournament, I make the best chili in Massachusetts). If you found that difficult, well, this is for you, and you are going to fucking hate hearing it. My only defense is that this is what I wish somebody had said to me around 1995 or so. Read more…

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