People are pretty technology-happy these days. We pore over rumors and specs on technology websites, we stand in line to get the newest gadgets, and we beat up people who dare own phones a couple years out of date. New technology isn’t just anticipated, it’s damn near fetishized. Witness the growing trend of “unboxing,” YouTube… READ MORE »
One of the weirdest, most awkward parts of a relationship is knowing how to react when the other reaches their limit and shoots a geyser of saline out of their eyeholes. At least it is for men — I obviously can’t speak for women because of all this dong. But it seems to me that… READ MORE »
As a writer, I like to think I have my finger on the pulse of the people, and if there’s one thing people are tired of these days, it’s sex, right? I mean, seriously, YAWN. Your junk goes in their fun spot and you moan and repeat and count to 10 until it’s all over. READ MORE »
There are as many ways to have sex as there are people in the world, which of course is incorrect, and I can back that statement up in no way whatsoever. I’d say maybe there are as many ways to have sex as there are Pokemon. That could be reasonable. So there’s a lot, but… READ MORE »
2013, motherfuckers. Yeah! LET’S DO THIS.
“Do what?” you ask. I DON’T KNOW. LET’S FIGURE THAT OUT TOGETHER, MOTHERFUCKERS.
Feel free to stop reading this if your career is going great, you’re thrilled with your life and you’re happy with your relationships. Enjoy the rest of your day, friend, this article is… READ MORE »
What is love? (Baby don’t hurt me.) It’s pretty likely that everyone is going to experience something akin to love at some point in their life. And maybe the fact that I have to use some awkward, twattish, old-school word like “akin” speaks to the confusing nature of the subject. There’s a fine line between… READ MORE »
Ninety percent of all sex toys operate on one immutable principle — you put them in and around holes and slosh them about all flibbity jibbity. Another 9 percent, generally, are holes in which you put something in, and the last 1 percent is everything else, like paddles, high-voltage panties, and rubber sheets. Despite the… READ MORE »
There are some universally acknowledged truths when it comes to dating. These themes are repeated on sitcoms, in romantic comedies and in your buddy Paul’s hookup stories that he totally swears are true, bro.
And, according to science, most of it is wrong. That’s right; somehow, you know even less about romance than… READ MORE »
Like me, you’ve probably seen sex on screen in a movie from behind the room divider Mom thought didn’t have any cracks in it. Heh heh, Mom. So naive. Being the sexual expert you therefore are, you never need to Google tips on how to be a better lover, but know this! There are numerous… READ MORE »
Idioms aren’t supposed to make literal sense: Apples and oranges are easy to compare. Kicking the bucket doesn’t sound like such a bad thing. What if the bucket deserved it? What if it was racist? And sure, there probably are multiple ways to skin a cat, but how did that become the benchmark for comparing task variety? READ MORE »
There have been many terrible songs, poems, and movies made about love, but a surprisingly small number of Cracked articles. Today, I intend to fill that void. Come with me as I seek the most accurate definition for this thing that makes the world go ’round. Spoiler alert: “A thing that makes the world go… READ MORE »
Have you ever woken up with the lingering remnant of a once-forgotten memory? Usually it’s a repressed trauma, like an alien abduction or the knowledge that your middle name is Gaylord. In other words, they’re memories that require years of therapy to forget again. One day this repressed memory phenomenon happened to me. Only instead of waking… READ MORE »
In the days before the Internet, teenagers had basically two options to learn the ins and outs of boning. They amounted to either A) scrambled cable softcore, which was like watching two swarms of bees fighting in a motel room made of non-Euclidean geometry, or B) chancing upon a drifter’s cache of Juggs secreted away in the… READ MORE »
In the days before the Internet, teenagers had basically two options to learn the ins and outs of boning. They amounted to either A) scrambled cable softcore, which was like watching two swarms of bees fighting in a motel room made of non-Euclidean geometry, or B) chancing upon a drifter’s cache of Juggs secreted away… READ MORE »
We all want to be successful, but things like tyrannical bosses, stapler-stealing co-workers and the statistical impossibility of every single person being a CEO keep bringing us down. So we try to balance the scales by following the advice of self-help books or motivational guides — sure, a lot of those things are probably bullshit,… READ MORE »
As we recently discussed, romantic movies are as bad for your brain as just about any type of movie you can watch as a stupid young person. We asked you to show us what they might look like if they actually told the truth. Read more…
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We live in the sexiest time ever. For most of history, condoms were hollowed-out sheep guts, “getting lucky” meant not contracting a plague, and the more insane religions insisted that even masturbation was a sin (despite the fact that jerking off is the literal fucking definition of “enjoying yourself without bothering anyone else”). Any god… READ MORE »
As a child of pop culture, it should come as no little surprise that most of my psyche was formed by various cartoon and film studios and is tragically underequipped to manage real life, even to this day, which is why you can only find me on the Internet, as I tend to shun the… READ MORE »