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The 6 Most Terrifying Sex Illustrations On Wikipedia

In the days before the Internet, teenagers had basically two options to learn the ins and outs of boning. They amounted to either A) scrambled cable softcore, which was like watching two swarms of bees fighting in a motel room made of non-Euclidean geometry, or B) chancing upon a drifter’s cache of Juggs secreted away…

By: Cracked / March 4, 2013

5 Popular Self-Help Tips That Actually Hurt Your Career

We all want to be successful, but things like tyrannical bosses, stapler-stealing co-workers and the statistical impossibility of every single person being a CEO keep bringing us down. So we try to balance the scales by following the advice of self-help books or motivational guides — sure, a lot of those things are probably bullshit,…

By: Cracked / February 23, 2013

23 Romantic Movies Revised for Honesty

As we recently discussed, romantic movies are as bad for your brain as just about any type of movie you can watch as a stupid young person. We asked you to show us what they might look like if they actually told the truth. Read more…

By: Cracked / February 17, 2013

The 6 Geekiest Sex Toys Ever

We live in the sexiest time ever. For most of history, condoms were hollowed-out sheep guts, “getting lucky” meant not contracting a plague, and the more insane religions insisted that even masturbation was a sin (despite the fact that jerking off is the literal fucking definition of “enjoying yourself without bothering anyone else”). Any god…

By: Cracked / January 30, 2013

6 Pop Culture Icons Nobody Admits They Were Attracted To

As a child of pop culture, it should come as no little surprise that most of my psyche was formed by various cartoon and film studios and is tragically underequipped to manage real life, even to this day, which is why you can only find me on the Internet, as I tend to shun the…

By: Cracked / January 24, 2013

8 Celebrities With Unexpected Famous Relatives

You probably won’t be too shocked to learn that nepotism exists in Hollywood: If Nicolas Cage hadn’t gotten some of his earliest roles from his uncle Francis Ford Coppola, the world would be a sadder, less crazy place. But some blood connections between celebrities aren’t so easy to spot, since they exist between people you’d probably never…

By: Cracked / January 23, 2013

5 Things You Won’t Believe Math Can Predict

Look, we don’t want to take all of the magic out of life. After all, can “science” and “mathematics” quantify something as mysterious as the beauty of music, or the evil of the human spirit, or the madness of a panicked mob?

Yeah, pretty much. Get enough data, create the best algorithm, and…

By: Cracked / January 21, 2013

The 6 Craziest Beliefs Entire Cultures Have Held About Sex

The miracle of childbirth is fairly straightforward: The baby is forced out of a screaming woman’s nether parts in a moment of bloody, agonizing … beauty? But when it comes to just how the baby got in there in the first place, people throughout history and around the world have come up with some really…

By: Cracked / January 2, 2013

7 Psychotic Pieces Of Relationship Advice From Cosmo

We get it. Guys are tough to figure out: There’s like 24 possible combinations that you can make with 1) beer 2) food 3) sex and 4) sports. No wonder their girlfriends have to resort to lady magazines to gain insight into the buzzing hive that is the male mind. We know most women laugh…

By: Cracked / December 16, 2012

7 Sex Tips From Cosmo That Will Put You In The Hospital

You’ve walked innocently past issues of Cosmopolitan magazine a thousand times, every time you’ve checked out at a grocery store. If you glanced at the covers then you know it’s all about sex, and helping girls bring out the sexual animal in their man.

But littered amongst their mildly kinky and often impractical advice (“wear…

By: Cracked / December 11, 2012

5 Things Men Do To Ruin Their Own Sex Lives

Sex is weird for guys. We have simple tastes and simple needs that seem to require minimal upkeep. Hell, for that matter, we barely require attention or even presence. Most men could have sex inside our local zoo’s poisonous snake exhibit and not give it a second thought until after the orgasm, when we’re prying…

By: Cracked / December 9, 2012

The 5 Most Baffling Romance Novel Genres

We here on the Internet aren’t really in a position to judge readers of romance novels. Sure, people stereotype the books as wish-fulfillment fantasies for housewives dreaming of muscle-bound doctor-sheik-Navy-SEAL-Vikings, but at least they’re less weird than the crazy stuff you’ll find online. For the most part, that is. Look a bit deeper into the…

By: Cracked / December 3, 2012

3 Telltale Signs Your Online Girlfriend Is A Scam

Finding love in this post-Friendster era isn’t easy. Just ask 68-year-old University of North Carolina physics and astronomy professor Paul Frampton, who was recently sentenced to five years of house arrest for transporting a suitcase full of cocaine out of Buenos Aires, Argentina, and into the United States.

What compelled the Oxford-educated scholar…

By: Cracked / December 2, 2012

5 Everyday Things That Can Literally Drive You Crazy

We’re still living in the Stone Age when it comes to our understanding of mental illness. If you find out that your mom needs pills to control her blood pressure, you shrug and forget about it; if you find out that your mom needs pills to keep from hearing voices in her head, you think…

By: Cracked / November 18, 2012

The 4 Most Impressively Weird Sex Lives of U.S. Presidents

When you become president, something in your brain snaps. You’re a normal person for a while, and then, as soon as you take your oath on Inauguration Day, the part of your brain that normally makes sure you don’t get too weird with sex collapses in on itself, and a new game begins. The rule…

By: Cracked / November 14, 2012

6 Things Men Do To Get Laid That Science Says Turn Women Off

As we mentioned in this article, attracting a woman can be so easy you don’t even realize you’re doing it. Of course, most of the methods are totally outside of your control and can only be done on accident.

Unfortunately, it turns out there are just as many things you’re doing to repel women,…

By: Cracked / November 8, 2012

5 Insignificant Things That Determine If Someone Likes You

Anyone who has ever been unpopular, which we’re thinking is approximately all of you, knows how unfair the system can seem — it’s all about looks and money and some indefinable coolness that some lucky bastards are just born with. Well, we have good news and bad news.

The good news is that…

By: Cracked / October 21, 2012

The 7 Stupidest Ways We’re Promoting Abstinence

Abstinence-only education starts with the idea that teenagers listen to adults and manages to get even stupider. It’s working to turn the only life-threatening problem in the world that can be fought by balloons into a biblical plague. We’ve reached a point where even the Pope OKs some condom use, and he thinks about sex the…

By: Cracked / October 14, 2012

6 Diet Fads For People Who Will Try Anything Except Exercise

In a landscape littered with unscientific and downright stupid weight loss products, it takes something extra stupid to get our attention. Fortunately, weight loss is a big business, and some of the products on the market today seem purely intended to find out how far they can go before we call bullshit. After all, surely…

By: Cracked / March 8, 2012

5 Ways You Know It’s Time To Get Married

I’ve talked about my often-disastrous relationships in a number of my columns, and every time I do, I get dozens of messages from people asking me to elaborate. Not that I’m an expert — it’s more like how you see a guy come screaming out of the woods covered in bees and you ask him where he found the…

By: Cracked / March 7, 2012

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