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7 Ways “House Of Cards” Could Be The Best Comedy On TV

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A lot of people have been watching the melodramatic political series “House of Cards” on Netflix (which I believe is a remake of the highly acclaimed ”How a Bill Becomes a Law” episode of “Schoolhouse Rock”), and many of these viewers are complaining about how silly it is. They’re not wrong, but they’re failing to see the opportunity here. With a few small changes, “House of Cards” could go from a so-so drama to one of the greatest comedies of our time. Read more on Cracked…

4 Rags-To-Riches Success Stories That Are Full Of Crap

Ke$ha Announces She Is Seeking Treatment For An Eating Disorder

Some lies are obvious. If a homeless person approaches you and says that he can predict your future in exchange for a dollar, you’ll probably realize that he’s not telling the truth (personally, this only took me $4). If your parents raised you to believe that punching a pack of wolves to death is the only noble way into adulthood, you’re going to learn soon after your first wolf bite that your parents are crazy people. Other lies, however, are so insanely prevalent that they’ve become difficult to recognize. Here are four examples on Cracked…

5 Everyday Things That Drive Us Nuts (For No Reason)

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We all have pet peeves. We all have rage triggers. For some people, it’s loud chewing. For others, it’s people who point when they talk. But sometimes, even though our hearts race and our fists clench, we know we’re wrong. Or if not wrong, we know we’re overreacting. And it just doesn’t matter. We can’t help it. These things drive us nuts, and somehow knowing that we shouldn’t get upset only makes us more angry. Read more on Cracked…

5 Insane Lessons From My Christian Fundamentalist Childhood

5 Lessons Learned From Christian Fundamentalist Childhood

My name is Hannah Ettinger, and I was raised in the Quiverfull movement. The term is taken from a verse in Proverbs, which says: “Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of arrows.” We interpreted this to mean: “Blessed is the man who dies with the most kids.”

In the Quiverfull movement, children are pretty much metaphorical weapons born to shoot a degenerate modern society in the face. I was one of nine children, and our family was just on the large end of “normal” in size. I was brought up to be just one more weapon in this terrible faith-based arsenal, but I didn’t quite hit the target. Here’s what I can tell you about being a weaponized offspring. Read more on Cracked…

5 Plot Lines Erotic Novels Desperately Need to Adopt

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Sales of urban fantasy, erotica, and romance books are growing faster than the engorged manhood of a vampire whose lack of blood circulation has mysteriously not left him impotent. Maybe this is because society has become more accepting of sexuality overall. Or maybe it’s just because ebooks have finally fulfilled humanity’s long-held dream of being able to buy selkie erotica without having to awkwardly avoid eye contact with the bookstore clerk. Read more on Cracked…

The 5 Worst Things About Getting A Job In A Small Town

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I live in the perpetually repressed Midwest (feel free to use that as your goth-rockabilly band name) where jobs are as scarce as its citizens’ political debates that don’t use the N-word. The area is basically town, corn, town, corn, corn, corn, town, corn … so unless you’re made of fertilizer, there’s not much available for you to do. So when I hear people using phrases like “just get a job” when talking about the poor, I can’t help but think that they’ve never walked in their half-eroded, knockoff Walmart shoes. It’s hard for a financially secure person to understand why it’s so difficult if they haven’t lived it.

I have. And I can tell you that the hurdles small-town people face come equipped with razor wire and live ammo watchtowers. Read more on Cracked…

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