Cracked

5 Ways Parenting Turns You Into A Dumbass

I don't really live by mottoes because you can't boil down life to a few sentences. But there's a simple set of rules I keep in mind when parenting: feed them, clothe them, respect them, love them ... the rest is common sense. I don't know if I made that up or stole it from…
By: Cracked / November 23, 2013

The 4 Worst Things We Do Immediately After Falling In Love

Have you ever been in love? I have. It's fun! People ask, "Have you ever been in love?" and you get to say, "Yes. Yes I have." There's other good stuff, too, but I don't have to explain that to you. You've seen the terrible movies and heard the awful songs. I've been in love.
By: Cracked / November 17, 2013

4 Bigots Using ‘Science’ to Further Their Dumb Theories

For centuries, science and intolerance have been natural enemies, as ideas like "everyone who isn't me is a subpar crap smear" don't really stand up to scrutiny. But nowadays, some of the most backward-thinking people on the planet are finally embracing the wonderful world of science, only to twist it beyond recognition in order to…
By: Cracked / November 14, 2013

6 Insane Sex Myths People Used To Teach As Facts

Considering how obsessed people are with their junk, it is amazing how long it took humanity to finally figure out what it was all used for. The clitoris wasn't fully mapped until 2005, which you may recognize as being about 160 years after the general layout of the solar system had been mapped. To be…
By: Cracked / November 13, 2013

4 Friend Zone Cheat Codes (According To The Internet)

So there's someone special in your life, and drat it all to hell, you are not someone special in their life. You are, in fact, a pretty mediocre type of someone, a flat grayish ordinary kind of blur in their life who is around and is inoffensive and that's about it. You are, as the…
By: Cracked / November 12, 2013

5 Horrible Things You Learn Working At A Convenience Store

With few other job options available, I found myself mired in the drudgery of managing a convenience store for six damn years. Thankfully, about a year ago, my freelance writing and editing work picked up and I was finally able to make my escape. It was one of the happiest days of my life.
By: Cracked / November 3, 2013

5 Photos That Will Shatter Your Image Of Horror Movie Locations

On some level, we know that "Saw" is happening on a dilapidated soundstage instead of in a dilapidated bathroom, but we pretend not to so that it stays a scary movie instead of devolving into a meditation on how unkind the years have been to Cary Elwes. But sometimes seeing where these horror movies were…
By: Cracked / October 27, 2013

5 News Stories That Are Basically Horror Movie Plots

From time to time, the local news coughs up a story that's basically the opening 20 minutes of a horror movie -- in other words, the portion of the film between the opening credits and the scene where the doomed, 38-year-old high school cheerleader goes skinny-dipping. Here are five tales from 2013 that are destined…
By: Cracked / October 26, 2013

5 Ways You Sabotage Your Love Life (Explained By Science)

Over the years, I've made a commitment to helping you get laid. And if you followed the advice in those articles, you're probably having some trouble reading this one because the writhing mass of naked bodies you're currently tangled up in won't hold still. So you've got the hot, meaningless sex part down, but studies show that young people are still more…
By: Cracked / October 19, 2013

The 5 Greatest Movie Sex Scenes (Where Nobody Has Sex)

People like movies, and people like sex, so it's not surprising that when there's a physical attraction between two characters on screen, the odds are high that their genitals will soon be in contact. But sometimes strong sexual tension doesn't explode into erotic release. The characters don't give in to that feeling, and instead all…
By: Cracked / October 12, 2013

6 Reasons Life In Space Sucks (That Sci-Fi Doesn’t Show You)

Obviously, life in outer space would be no vacation -- you're out there braving the final frontier, battling meteors and malfunctioning airlocks, and knowing you'll die horribly in the abyss of space if some tiny thing goes amiss. But that's what's so awesome about it -- it's an adventure, baby! And you're doing it all…
By: Cracked / October 3, 2013

6 Great Board Games (For Ruining Friendships)

I played a lot of board games growing up, because I was an aggressively unathletic kid who appreciated any socially acceptable excuse to play with toys, and games are essentially toys with rules (this is a phase I have yet to grow out of). And competition is an integral part of most games, so a…
By: Cracked / October 2, 2013

5 Celebrities You Didn’t Know Ass-Kicked Their Way To Fame

The next time you see a celebrity walking down the red carpet surrounded by scary-looking guys in black suits, pay attention to those muscleheads: One of them could become a bigger star than the jackass he or she is protecting. After all, it's happened before with former badass bodyguards-turned-beloved actors. Read more…
By: Cracked / September 8, 2013

6 Ridiculous Sex Myths (You Probably Believe)

You'd think that by now, we as a species would have pretty much figured out sex, what with Hollywood and the Internet constantly pumping us full of messages on the subject -- and we all know that if there are two things that can be universally trusted, those two things are Hollywood and the Internet.
By: Cracked / September 1, 2013

4 Most Horrifying Marriages Between Fans And Their Idols

Being a fan is a difficult thing. You'll find a musician or an actor or (more often than not) an Internet writer whose work you really respond to and suddenly feelings of creative or professional admiration turn into feelings of love and attraction. For some fans, the line between "I really appreciate the art you…
By: Cracked / August 31, 2013

6 Movie Special Effects That Have Gotten Worse Over Time

Remakes are a tricky business. If you make a bad one, everyone will hate you, and if you make a good one, the fans of the original film will still hate you. I'm not personally against the good ones, because I was under the impression that movies are not real life and thus aren't going…
By: Cracked / August 24, 2013

5 Unsolved Mysteries Of Everyday Life (That Make No Sense)

There is a vast and terrible alien conspiracy at work. Sinister forces thrum beneath our very feet, toiling away in an effort to erode our human society and replace it with their own. I know this for a fact. I have evidence. Look no further than the unassuming hot dog: Better and worse comedians tha…
By: Cracked / August 24, 2013

5 Classic Pop Culture Moments Actors Made Up On The Fly

We have nothing against writers (much of this very website is written by them), but we can't pretend that every iconic TV and movie character or moment is carefully crafted by expert scribes hunched over a desk. Often the writer comes up with only a vague idea (or a specific yet terrible one) and the…
By: Cracked / August 17, 2013

6 Famous Documentaries That Were Shockingly Full Of Crap

On some level, we all know that almost everything we see at the movies is bullshit, from the amount of bullets a person can take without dying to what the job of pizza delivery boy actually entails. Except documentaries. Documentaries are where we turn off the snark and open our minds to learn about distant…
By: Cracked / August 14, 2013

5 Things To Remember When Your Life Goes To Hell

If there's an upside to spending most of your life in abject poverty and soul-sucking alcoholism, it's that you become an expert in shit-handling. Many of you out there can testify that it doesn't make you panic any less when personal disasters do pop up, but it seems like the more frequently you fall into…
By: Cracked / August 11, 2013

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