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5 Awful Side Effects Of Insomnia No One Talks About

I have insomnia — the “I haven’t been able to sleep regularly in 25 years” kind. It’s extremely hard to talk about, because most people attach the term to any random night that they had trouble sleeping. “Sorry, I’m kind of loopy today. I had insomnia last night.” Mara Wilson can back me up when I say…

Cracked / March 11, 2014

5 Useless Pieces Of Advice Everyone Gives To New Parents

Everyone knows that having a newborn baby is a hellish, sleep-deprived ordeal that is quickly forgotten when your baby grows into a “TV newborn” who smiles and laughs and melts your heart every time he does something, also known in the real world as a 3-month-old. Many kind people attempt to offer words of consolation to the…

Cracked / March 1, 2014

4 Insane Behind-The-Scenes Details Of A Movie Sex Scene

Think of your favorite on screen couple. Now, think of your favorite on scene couple’s sex scene.  Sexy right? Think again. The creation of a sex scene must be the unsexiest way to get it on. Learn why on Cracked…

Cracked / February 28, 2014

6 Things No One Wants To Hear About Your Job

There is no job so interesting that you cannot tell a boring story about it. Here are some things that will help you bore the hell out of people when you talk about work. Read all six on Cracked…

Cracked / February 23, 2014

5 Relationship Zones Worse Than ‘The Friend Zone’

The Internet loves hating on “the friend zone,” because the Internet sees friendship as the highest form of torture. I’m not here to explain that “being in the friend zone” says less about the person who “put” you there than it does about the skewed way you view relationships (although, yes, someone should teach you…

Cracked / February 20, 2014

10 Insane Diets No One Should Ever Try

It’s a new year, and that means after a month of effort, you’re ready to quit your New Year’s resolutions. Since you’re reading this in English, I assume you resolved to lose weight, or possibly to learn good the spelling for make much big dollars in email schemes of confidence. Either way, I can hel…

Cracked / February 9, 2014

The 5 Craziest Things That Give People An Orgasm

Orgasms. I invented them when I was 12. I was alone in the shower, my bar of Irish Spring was looking really good, I was warm, damp, and feeling adventurous. It was magical and only slightly shameful, the way I insist on all my orgasms being to this very day. Later I found out other…

Cracked / February 4, 2014

4 Ways We’re Programmed To Think Women Aren’t Funny

It can be hard being a lady in comedy, and that’s not a recent phenomenon. Ovaries have long been known to sap our joke-making powers. In 1695, a famous playwright came up with what might well be the first “women aren’t funny” line, only he said it in an old-timey way:
“I must confess, I…

Cracked / January 28, 2014

5 Facts Everyone Gets Wrong About Depression

I was diagnosed with clinical depression about two years ago. Sadly, this didn’t lead to me beginning a wacky romance with a free-spirited girl who taught me to embrace life and love myself for who I am. I just started taking prescription drugs, made a few lifestyle changes, and felt smugly justified about listening to…

Cracked / January 26, 2014

5 Tips For Awkward People Looking To Make New Friends

Meeting new people sucks. Well, at least it does for people like us — people who would rather eat a bar of soap than endure the awkward juggling of social rules and misreading of body language that comes with human contact. Confident, practiced people will tell you it’s as easy as walking up to a…

Cracked / January 25, 2014

4 Harsh Conversations You Should Have Before Getting Married

Everyone seems to have a pretty good idea of what marriage is like right up until the honeymoon anesthesia wears off and they can start to feel life’s groin shots again. Sometimes that takes a few years — sometimes it happens right out of the gates. But it eventually does happen, and how you handle…

Cracked / January 20, 2014

5 Things That Have To Happen Before You Fix Your Crappy Life

January seems to be the worst time of year for realizing how screwed up your life is. Everyone is talking about resolutions. You’re recovering from all the money you spent on the holidays. Taxes are coming up. It’s the month your parole gets repeatedly denied. It’s the month that says, “Here’s a shitload of enormou…

Cracked / January 19, 2014

6 Commonly Used Phrases That Make Everyone Hate You

We live in an age where everyone can — nay, must — share every thought and comment immediately and constantly. As a result, we, as humans, come up with more terrible things to say every single day. But YOLO, amirite?
Obvi there are totes a shit-ton of redonkulous words and phrases we could def 86…

Cracked / January 15, 2014

6 Insane Ways Dogs Can Inadvertently Screw Over Their Owners

They say dogs are man’s best friend, but if your best friend ate poo and sometimes humped your leg, you’d consider getting a new friend, or maybe we just run in different circles. I have nothing against dogs; you could even say I’m a dog person. I like all dogs except the lame ones (looking…

Cracked / January 7, 2014

5 Romantic Comedy Gestures That Would Get You Slapped

Everyone knows how romantic comedies are supposed to go: Boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy does something stupid to win girl back and somehow she falls for it — probably because of low self-esteem or the inability to recognize she’s living within rom-com constraints.
Most romantic comedy plotlines are based on the meet-cute. “Oh,…

Cracked / December 28, 2013

8 Hilariously Misleading Covers Slapped On Classic Books

The whole “don’t judge a book by its cover” thing came about for good reason: The people who design book covers often don’t even read the books. Who has the time? Now, you wouldn’t think this would be a problem when designing the cover for a classic everyone is familiar with — you don’t have…

Cracked / December 22, 2013

The 7 Worst Gifts People Seem To Give Every Christmas

As we struggle to find that perfect gift, ever so many of us will fail. As a service to everyone you even pretend to care about, I’m offering you this list of what not to buy. Consider it an anti-gift guide. I have no idea what your family likes, but I know what they hate, because…

Cracked / December 21, 2013

The 7 Most Preposterous Sexual Positions People Claim to Use

According to a pamphlet I found in the bathroom of the library downtown, there’s a lot more going on in sex than you may have guessed. For instance, did you know you can do it different ways? And with someone else? It’s quite the circus. Grab some popcorn and a clown!
In my limited sexing,…

Cracked / December 18, 2013

The 5 Most Undeservedly Hated Famous People Of 2013

The 20 Most Hated Celebrities of 2013, as decided by the always reliable Star magazine, has been making lots of headlines this week. At least it’s made enough headlines that it caught my attention, and when I read it, I spotted a few entries that struck me as more than a little unfair. Naturally, because there…

Cracked / December 14, 2013

5 Animal Rights Campaigns That Managed To Screw Over Animals

Let’s face it: If good intentions were all it took to accomplish anything, we’d have fixed the world centuries ago. But a poorly thought out good idea can do just as much harm as a well-executed terrible one, and if you don’t know what we mean, just look at the animal welfare movement. Sometimes, i…

Cracked / December 10, 2013

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