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5 Terrifying Sex Toys That Prove We’re Overthinking Sex

5 Terrifying Sex Toys That Prove We're Overthinking Sex

Disclaimer: I’m no prude. Anyone who knows me will spit out a thousand creative insults about me before landing on “prude,” and even then they’re just probably misspelling something more interesting. Yet sometimes when I sit in front of the fire in my smoking jacket, idly sipping Scotch and browsing through the latest issue of Sexy Sex Sexology on Sexual Sexiness, it occurs to me that we, as a society, are totally over thinking boning. Need proof? These five terrifying sex toys on Cracked.com will set the record straight…

4 Ridiculous Sex Machines On Amazon (With Hilarious Reviews)

personal-care-love-machine

Maybe you didn’t know it, but Amazon.com offers sex machines. More importantly, Amazon offers customer reviews for each one of those sex machines, because even though it may not always feel like it, the Internet runs on altruism. For every Nigerian Prince, every subscription wall, every online convenience fee, there are 10 more people who aren’t asking for any money at all and who just want to help you find the best electrical appliance to hump. I was amazed to see that even in a massive online store, where real names and purchases and recommended products are attached to every profile right out in the light where everyone can see, not even the risk of utter humiliation outweighs the human desire to lend a hand. Read more on Cracked…

7 Of The Worst Choices Ever Made While High

7 Of The Worst Choices Ever Made While High

Someone once told me drugs are bad. I think it was a man dressed like a dog, or a cartoon rabbit or something. I’ve taken that lesson to heart and only do molly after promising this will be the last time. Every time.

While we’ve all heard hilarious tales of bath salts zombies and heroin-addled buggerists, those are lame and predictable and somewhat depressing drug hijinks. Don’t people do hilariously misguided things when they’re high anymore? Aren’t there any stories that could serve as awesome subplots in a carefree ’80s sex comedy? Yes! Read some hysterical stories on Cracked…

4 Scientific Reasons Doing The Wrong Thing Feels So Good

feels-good-to-do-bad-things

Just to make sure we get off on the right foot here, I should probably point out that being a dick is bad. I’ve been around the Internet too long to know that some people will read that title, skim the points, and use it as justification for being a throbbing cock shaft. That being said, some stuff that society has labeled “evil” can have surprising upsides if viewed through the right camera lens. Read all four reasons on Cracked…

6 Things Nobody Tells You About Working At Disney World

disney-world

Disney World is the happiest place on Earth, at least according to Disney’s copyright lawyers. That description may fit pretty well for kids and a few adults, but working here is a different matter altogether. Don’t get me wrong; it’s still a Magic Kingdom. But Disney’s “magic” is a multifaceted thing, just as liable to make some dude barf on the teacup ride as it is to create precious childhood memories. Find out what you never knew about what goes on inside on Cracked…

5 Shocking Realities Of Being Transgender The Media Ignores

I bet that, for most of you, nothing would feel weirder than having your dad or brother tell you he’s now a woman. And for a certain percentage of people, the reaction to that news would be violent. The reality is that the entire concept of transgender people makes folks very uncomfortable, which means we’re simply not talking about it enough.

I’m Amy, a 20-something trans woman living in California. Read more on Cracked…

5 Personality Flaws That Seem Impossible To Change

long-nose-lie

Gillian Anderson aside, we all have imperfections that define us as much as our positive points. The biggest part of growing up is not only recognizing those flaws, but making an effort to fix them. It’s not an achievable goal, mind you (how many old, bitter assholes do you know?), but it’s the effort that counts. It’s what sets us apart from apes and Donald Trump — the ability to recognize where personal change is necessary and then setting that change into motion.

But even for the strongest-willed person, there are some personality traits that seem damn near impossible to shed. Read all five flaws on Cracked…

5 Awful Side Effects Of Insomnia No One Talks About

Woman in bed with insomnia

I have insomnia — the “I haven’t been able to sleep regularly in 25 years” kind. It’s extremely hard to talk about, because most people attach the term to any random night that they had trouble sleeping. “Sorry, I’m kind of loopy today. I had insomnia last night.” Mara Wilson can back me up when I say that as a disorder progresses, it becomes increasingly harder to not spin kick someone in the throat when they lay claim to it like some twisted badge of honor. For the 1/3 of you who have actual insomnia, maybe you can show this to your friends the next time they treat it like an annoyance rather than the hope-shredding personal hell it is. Read all five side effects on Cracked.com…

5 Useless Pieces Of Advice Everyone Gives To New Parents

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Everyone knows that having a newborn baby is a hellish, sleep-deprived ordeal that is quickly forgotten when your baby grows into a “TV newborn” who smiles and laughs and melts your heart every time he does something, also known in the real world as a 3-month-old. Many kind people attempt to offer words of consolation to the sufferers during those first difficult months but get viciously snapped at for their efforts. Part of this is because new parents are irritable folks with half their brain functions temporarily disabled, and part of it is that these words of consolation are bad. Here I will explain how some common attempts to be helpful are in no way helpful. Read more on Cracked…

4 Insane Behind-The-Scenes Details Of A Movie Sex Scene

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Think of your favorite on screen couple. Now, think of your favorite on scene couple’s sex scene.  Sexy right? Think again. The creation of a sex scene must be the unsexiest way to get it on. Learn why on Cracked…

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