Cracked

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Love & Sex

Finding love in this post-Friendster era isn’t easy. Just ask 68-year-old University of North Carolina physics and astronomy professor Paul Frampton, who was recently sentenced to five years of house arrest for transporting a suitcase full of cocaine out of Buenos Aires, Argentina, and into the United States.

What compelled the Oxford-educated scholar… READ MORE »


News

We’re still living in the Stone Age when it comes to our understanding of mental illness. If you find out that your mom needs pills to control her blood pressure, you shrug and forget about it; if you find out that your mom needs pills to keep from hearing voices in her head, you think… READ MORE »


Love & Sex

When you become president, something in your brain snaps. You’re a normal person for a while, and then, as soon as you take your oath on Inauguration Day, the part of your brain that normally makes sure you don’t get too weird with sex collapses in on itself, and a new game begins. The rules… READ MORE »


Love & Sex

As we mentioned in this article, attracting a woman can be so easy you don’t even realize you’re doing it. Of course, most of the methods are totally outside of your control and can only be done on accident.

Unfortunately, it turns out there are just as many things you’re doing to repel women,… READ MORE »


Love & Sex

Anyone who has ever been unpopular, which we’re thinking is approximately all of you, knows how unfair the system can seem — it’s all about looks and money and some indefinable coolness that some lucky bastards are just born with. Well, we have good news and bad news.

The good news is that… READ MORE »


Love & Sex

Abstinence-only education starts with the idea that teenagers listen to adults and manages to get even stupider. It’s working to turn the only life-threatening problem in the world that can be fought by balloons into a biblical plague. We’ve reached a point where even the Pope OKs some condom use, and he thinks about sex the… READ MORE »


Style

In a landscape littered with unscientific and downright stupid weight loss products, it takes something extra stupid to get our attention. Fortunately, weight loss is a big business, and some of the products on the market today seem purely intended to find out how far they can go before we call bullshit. After all, surely… READ MORE »


Love & Sex

I’ve talked about my often-disastrous relationships in a number of my columns, and every time I do, I get dozens of messages from people asking me to elaborate. Not that I’m an expert — it’s more like how you see a guy come screaming out of the woods covered in bees and you ask him where he found the… READ MORE »


Love & Sex

Ever since Darwin popped off his big theory of evolution, we’ve all kind of presumed that everything we do — the way we eat, the mates we choose, the way we purposely mispronounce “indubitably” for laughs, everything — is ultimately tied to one goal: continuing the species. But sometimes getting from A to Baby isn’t… READ MORE »


Love & Sex

The courtship process used to be a lot simpler. You used to cruise around in a Firebird and girls would be there, and then there’d be something called heavy petting, and then you were married. The whole process took about three weeks, and could be sped up if the Firebird had been recently washed. The… READ MORE »


Love & Sex

In my life, I’ve received enough bad advice to print out and gift wrap Mount Everest. Everyone is quick to offer it, regardless of whether you asked or not … and with so much coming in, it’s hard to separate genuine wisdom from verbal toilet paper. The problem is that you won’t ever know the… READ MORE »


Love & Sex

Of all the things you see charted in elementary and middle school — the human tongue, the color spectrum– what to expect from romantic relationships would seem to be a pretty conspicuous omission. We asked you to show us the charts you wish you’d seen before you ever admitted to liking someone as more than… READ MORE »



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