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5 Types Of People Who Always Give Terrible Advice

In my life, I’ve received enough bad advice to print out and gift wrap Mount Everest. Everyone is quick to offer it, regardless of whether you asked or not … and with so much coming in, it’s hard to separate genuine wisdom from verbal toilet paper. The problem is that you won’t ever know the answer to that until your problem is over, when you can say, “OK, Chad was right. Punching a bull in the nuts isn’t a good idea.” Or, “Greg is full of shit. Punching them more only made him angrier.”

I’ve, admittedly, never been an authority on advice, but what I can do is warn you who to be wary of. Read more…

14 Realities Of Romantic Relationships In Chart Form

Of all the things you see charted in elementary and middle school — the human tongue, the color spectrum– what to expect from romantic relationships would seem to be a pretty conspicuous omission. We asked you to show us the charts you wish you’d seen before you ever admitted to liking someone as more than a friend. Read more…

5 Ridiculous Sex Myths Everyone Believes

What do you know about sex? Surely there aren’t many of you who would answer “nothing.” Even if you’re the most inexperienced or inept lover of all time (which we’ve been assured you are), you at least have some preconceived notions about sex based on the stories and anecdotes and stand-up comedy you’ve heard over the years.

But here’s the thing — even with all of that going for you, the real and correct answer is still probably “nothing.” Read more

5 Insignificant Things That Determine Who You Have Sex With

If nothing else, this website is devoted to helping you find a mate … using science. After all, attracting a partner is still a thankless chore full of wearing pants and pretending to care.

Or is it? Turns out there are even more things that get people to consider knowing us in the biblical way, and they’re so subtle and random that pants-wearing just seems stupid now. Things like … Read more

6 Popular Fashion Trends (That Killed People)

If we know our readers, then we’re guessing fashion dominates your every thought. But how far would you go to be wearing the absolute latest and hottest looks? Would you wear something knowing it could, at some point, kill your ass?

Through history men and women have been asked that exact question, and time and time again they shrugged and said, “Eh, I’ll risk it.” So we wound up with things like… Keep reading »

6 Douchebag Luxury Goods Originally Invented To Help People

If, like most of us, you find yourself secretly hating rich people now and then, it’s probably because of the stupid and frivolous shit they buy. Even if you’re not a Marxist, you can’t help but think of the starving children of the world when you see some douchebag professional athlete sitting on his yacht, his trophy wife on the phone scheduling yet another cosmetic surgery. A whole segment of our economy is dedicated to making ridiculous shit for these shallow douchebags.

But a whole lot of lives have been saved by that ridiculous shit. For instance … Keep reading »

The 7 Most Baffling Things About Women’s Clothes

There are a lot of annoying things about being a woman, like periods, childbirth and not being able to play basketball in a way that keeps spectators awake. But near the top of the list has got to be buying clothes.

I know one way to fix it is just to be ballsy and wear men’s clothes, and that’s a bold choice. But you take a social hit for wearing “masculine” clothes, and most women don’t want to take that hit. So they go to buy clothes made specifically “for women,” and generally find a set of the most impractical, low-quality, high-maintenance crap that a sweatshop can make.

Here are a few of the many, many awful things about the clothes that manufacturers want women to wear. Read more…

5 Self-Defense Books For Women (Who Want To Lose A Fight)

Ladies, it is time to chew bubblegum and to kick ass. And we are all out of bubblegum, kick, and ass! These are five self-defense books so bad that by the time you’re done reading them, you’ll be dead. Keep reading »

The 7 Jerks You Meet In Every Gym

Serving in my capacity as a chair-bound fitness expert, I’m here to shed some light on the gym experience, and in particular, list some of the awful, awful people you’re about to meet on your self-improvement/desalination journey, and how you should deal with them. Keep reading »

8 Kids Movies That Lied to Us

Production companies have made millions giving children exactly what they want: whether it’s to be an adult, get rich, or meet David Bowie, indulging childhood fantasies is a hallmark of family films.

Imagine the trauma those same children undergo when they’re forced to realize that being an adult sucks, getting rich entails smuggling drugs in your ass, and meeting David Bowie entails smuggling drugs in your ass. Well, as children scarred by the false expectations set up in films, we say no more! Below, eight movies that are begging to be unmasked for the dangerously optimistic propaganda they really are. Read more…

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