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5 Tips For Awkward People Looking To Make New Friends

friends-talking

Meeting new people sucks. Well, at least it does for people like us — people who would rather eat a bar of soap than endure the awkward juggling of social rules and misreading of body language that comes with human contact. Confident, practiced people will tell you it’s as easy as walking up to a stranger and saying hello, but it’s not that simple for us.

Unfortunately, we’re programmed to be social creatures, and biology will eventually nag us until we break and fill the void with whatever poor bastard we trick into being our emotional caulk. The problem is: How? How the hell do you find them, let alone know what to say when you do? Well, there are a few basic things “normal” people know that we don’t. Read all five of them on Cracked…

4 Harsh Conversations You Should Have Before Getting Married

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Everyone seems to have a pretty good idea of what marriage is like right up until the honeymoon anesthesia wears off and they can start to feel life’s groin shots again. Sometimes that takes a few years — sometimes it happens right out of the gates. But it eventually does happen, and how you handle it can drastically alter the direction of your life.

The bad news is that there is no way to avoid these situations. The good news, though, is that you can at least prepare for them to make the blows a little easier to take. If you can summon the balls, you’re going to have an extraordinary advantage over life’s bullshit. Read more on Cracked…

5 Things That Have To Happen Before You Fix Your Crappy Life

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January seems to be the worst time of year for realizing how screwed up your life is. Everyone is talking about resolutions. You’re recovering from all the money you spent on the holidays. Taxes are coming up. It’s the month your parole gets repeatedly denied. It’s the month that says, “Here’s a shitload of enormous problems. Oh, yeah, and here’s a grocery list of crap you need to change about yourself, because the rest of the year you are an overindulgent, self-destructive child.”

Big change — the type you have to make in order to pull yourself out of a turd landslide — is different. It’s scary and requires a hundred times more work than just regular living. Digging yourself out of a hole isn’t about survival … it’s about pulling ahead. In doing that, there are some basics that, in my experience, have to happen. Or at the very least, they make the shoveling a whole lot less brutal. Read more on Cracked…

6 Commonly Used Phrases That Make Everyone Hate You

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We live in an age where everyone can — nay, must — share every thought and comment immediately and constantly. As a result, we, as humans, come up with more terrible things to say every single day. But YOLO, amirite?

Obvi there are totes a shit-ton of redonkulous words and phrases we could def 86 with a capital hashtag, but here is a list of six words and phrases we need to stop usingĀ on Cracked…

6 Insane Ways Dogs Can Inadvertently Screw Over Their Owners

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They say dogs are man’s best friend, but if your best friend ate poo and sometimes humped your leg, you’d consider getting a new friend, or maybe we just run in different circles. I have nothing against dogs; you could even say I’m a dog person. I like all dogs except the lame ones (looking at you, cocker spaniels). However, I’m not so blind as to not see what’s going on out in the world. For a loyal companion, dogs sure do cause a lot of shit. Check out these six insane stories on Cracked …

5 Romantic Comedy Gestures That Would Get You Slapped

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Everyone knows how romantic comedies are supposed to go: Boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy does something stupid to win girl back and somehow she falls for it — probably because of low self-esteem or the inability to recognize she’s living within rom-com constraints.

Most romantic comedy plotlines are based on the meet-cute. “Oh, we bumped into each other and are soulmates?” “Oh, we both grabbed for the same pair of gloves, then we’ll be idiots and not exchange numbers, but I’ll put my number in a BOOK and MAYBE you’ll find it if it was meant to be?” (I had two guy friends in high school who insisted we watch “Serendipity” multiple times.)

But many of the little cute things in rom-coms would be grounds for arrest, or at least a good slap. Read more on Cracked…

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