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5 BS “Achievements” People Need To Stop Taking Seriously

bull-shit-award

Read any list of things that motivate employees to work harder and you’ll find that recognition for a job well done regularly outranks money. If I had to guess, I’d say that’s probably because the only people who bother to write lists like those are companies that want to pay you less than you deserve. Still, it’s an interesting idea, and one that I’m guessing isn’t completely without merit.

If you need proof, just consider the countless awards and honors that people spend their entire professional lives working toward, knowing full well that, ultimately, they’re meaningless. Read more on Cracked…

5 “Deviant” Sex Acts That Science Says Are Good For You

25-accidental-sex-oopsies

Sex is like a lifelong normalcy contest. To find happiness, you should spend every day worrying about the kinds of sex you like, and whether you’ll ever meet someone else who shares those likes. Then you comfort your untouched body by rubbing your hands all over it, wet though they may be with the sweat of anxiety and sadness. Ha! No, don’t do that. That sounds awful, and besides, if you spend all your time worrying, when will you have time to bone? You won’t! You will remain unboned, maybe forever.

So here’s my real-life advice for you, which I want you to remember forever — instead of worrying about what kind of sex you like (or, even worse, what kind of sex other people like, because nothing could ever be less important than something you don’t want to see and no one wants to show you), use this rule of thumb: “The freakier the sex, the better it is for me, according to science.”  Read some examples on Cracked...

8 Ridiculous Sex Toys For The Budget-Conscious

Cheap sex toys

Humans love sex, and humans love toys. Sex toys are a thing. We tend to think they’re alright, too.

But here’s the thing about sex toys: All the really cool (and really frightening) gear tends to cost you a big ol’ pile of cash. Have you ever wondered what an inquiring mind could achieve with just a few bucks in his pocket? Hey, here’s an idea: Why don’t we see what manner of crotch-fondling apparatus is prepared to jump into our slightly sticky shopping cart if we shop around with the absolute maximum budget of, say, $10 per product? Read more on Cracked…

4 Offensive Words That Started Out As The Polite Alternative

Choke The Chicken

Euphemisms are words and phrases we use when we want to avoid saying something naughty or unpleasant to think about. For example, “choking the chicken,” which on the surface sounds like a beautiful, natural act, is actually a description of something that is pretty disgusting. But even though we use a euphemism so we don’t have to say a naughty word, everyone understands that the euphemism means exactly what the word it replaced meant, and it quickly takes on all the same connotations, becoming just as offensive itself. Read more on Cracked…

5 Things Your Doctor Really Wants To Say To You (But Won’t)

Things Your Doctor Wants To Tell You

Doctors — especially surgeons — are expected to maintain a sense of decorum and professionalism at all times. I’m a board-certified neurosurgeon at a major American academic center, and while medicine is an incredibly rewarding career, it puts you in contact with a lot of people doing dumb, terrible things to their bodies. So, on behalf of frustrated doctors everywhere, here are a few things I’d love to say to my patients’ faces if it wouldn’t land me in another sensitivity seminar. Read more on Cracked…

5 Shockingly Insane “Game Of Thrones” Fanfiction Sex Scenes

game-of-thrones-sex-scenes

One of the few criticisms of Game of Thrones is that it relies too much on gratuitous sex scenes. But some fans look at the franchise and decide that there isn’t nearly enough inappropriate boning. These special people write fan fiction that will make it impossible to ever read the books or watch the show again without feeling dirty in a way that can never be cleansed. Read more on Cracked…

The 25 Coolest Products You Can’t Get In The United States

Sure, you can buy all sorts of crazy crap online, but when it comes to walking into a store and making a purchase, America just doesn’t hold a candle to what other countries are packing. Find out what crazy products we here in the U.S. are missing out on Cracked…

5 Uncomfortable Truths Behind The Men’s Rights Movement

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Until recently, you probably thought that the “men’s rights movement” was just a weird fad on the Internet for sad, depressed guys who wanted to vent about their sexual frustrations, no more or less important to your day-to-day life than, say, people raging against bad movie reviews or complaining that their favorite video game company doesn’t like them. But then something like the UCSB shooting happens, where a 22-year-old kid kills nine people and blames it on all the sex he never had, and you have to ask yourself: Is this group actually a problem? Read more on Cracked…

The 5 Most Ridiculous Products Made For Crotch Maintenance

crotch-products

Genitals are perhaps the only thing in the world that everyone loves and most people don’t mind sharing with others. That’s why they also tend to be fairly well-maintained, be it by rigorous daily training using the … um, workout material we find on the Internet, or by flat out gluing our junk full of Swarovski crystals.

I’m not saying that taking care of our fun bits is a bad thing. For the most part, it’s the best thing. It’s just that some of the stuff we subject them to seems a tad … overkill. Read more on Cracked…

5 Details They Cut From My Season Of “The Biggest Loser”

The Biggest Loser Kai Talks

In 2006, “The Biggest Loser” was in its third season. This hit reality show focused on a group of 14 people sent off to live in a complex together, with the goal of losing weight via the fastest possible methods that weren’t amputation or amphetamines. However, behind the hasty weight loss, trumped-up drama, and dramatic music, there lurked a dark side. Learn what the “The Biggest Loser” season three runner-up Kai Hibbard had to say on Cracked…

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