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8 Vintage Christmas Carols (That Are All About Sex)

8 Vintage Christmas Carols That Are All About Sex

In 2008 Lady Gaga gave the world the gift of a song where she refers to her vagina as a Christmas tree, suggesting that she has a serious misunderstanding of how at least one of those works. Between that and other recent tracks, like Nate Dogg rapping about getting holiday head and the beloved family classic “Father Christmas Fucked My Pussy,” it’s easy to assume that modern perverts have ruined a once-innocent holiday with sexualized music. Read more on Cracked…

4 Stupid Ways Everyone Deals With Breakups

4 Stupid Ways Everyone Deals With Breakups

Ahh, l’amour. Or, as the French call it, “le humpy jumpy.” It’s a funny thing us humans do to each other, getting all stupid in love with one another, touching tongues, watching Jennifer Aniston films, and feeling this intense longing for the presence of someone else in a way that curiously wanes over time and sometimes even turns into resentment. But the reasons for how and why we love are not important for us just now, no, we’re going to focus on what happens when that love is gone and we’re all mopey and shitty and depressed. Read more on Cracked…

5 Studies That Prove Racism Is Still Way Worse Than We Think

5 Studies That Prove Racism Is Still Way Worse Than We Think

There is a bitter debate over racism these days — specifically, whether or not it still exists in a way that actually matters. The argument against goes something like, “Sure, there are neo-Nazis and KKK and YouTube comment sections out there, but we’ve got a black president, for Christ’s sake! Racism has been banished to the craziest fringes of society.”

But science says that’s just not true — the prejudice persists, we’re just less aware of it, and there’s tons of proof that we’ll get into starting … now. Read more on Cracked…

6 Weird Ways The World Looks Different When You’re Asexual

6 Weird Ways The World Looks Different When You're Asexual

For the majority of people, sex is the most compelling thing in the world, for obvious “perpetuation of the species” reasons. Sex sells. Sex rules. Sex draws the eyes to this paragraph like a tractor beam, because the word “sex” is in it like a million times. But there are people out there with no interest in sex at all. They aren’t sick, or drugged, or suffering from any sort of disorder; they’re asexual. Cracked sat down with two of these people to learn a little bit more about what life is like when your anaconda don’t want none, period. Read more on Cracked…

5 Adorable Behaviors That Mean Your Dog Hates You

5 Adorable Behaviors That Mean Your Dog Hates You

Once upon a time, a bunch of prehistoric horror-wolves realized that the clumsy species of spear-flinging monkeys they were snacking on would trade belly rubs and a place by the fire if they occasionally mauled something on command. Since then, man and canine have peacefully waltzed together through the annals of time. Thanks to this relationship, most people think they’re pretty good at understanding dogs: when a pup wags its tail, it’s happy; when it whines, it’s unhappy. That’s why we love dogs — they actually have something like human emotions (unlike cats, who feel only cold contempt, all the time). Read more on Cracked…

Why Everything You Believe About The ’90s Is Wrong

Why Everything You Believe About The '90s Is Wrong

Whoomp there it is. There what is? My bad. Chill, home slice, because I am going to explain the situation — the ’90s were da bomb! Booya! Not.

If you were actually born in the ’90s, you don’t really remember the ’90s. Sorry. If it’s any consolation, I am closer to death than you are, because I am old. That said, you’re still wrong about the ’90s. Here are a few reasons why. Read more on Cracked…

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