Contessa Schexnayder

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Girl Talk: I Got My Ex Back By Bettering Myself

“Oh god, mom, he broke up with me!” I blubbered over the phone, I was crying so hard my face resembled a marshmallow.

I had decided to stay in bed for two days and was starting to become very ripe and slightly unhinged. Needless to say I was not taking this well at…

Contessa Schexnayder / March 10, 2011

Girl Talk: I Date Outside My Race, So What?

My boyfriend has a messy red beard and blond hair. He cooks me vegetarian meals just to make me happy. He takes his glasses off when he dances, and he can usually be found cutting a rug to dance hall or reggae. He was the Hamburglar for Halloween last year. When we’re out, he hold…

Contessa Schexnayder / June 28, 2010

7 Rules For Dating An Older Man

Yes, there will always be something slightly appealing about young, wide-eyed struggling artists and beer pong-loving frat boys with hearts of gold. But sometimes you want someone a little more settled and refined—someone who prefers a suit to a backwards hat and The New York Times to Maxim. Whether you have already snagged yourself a…

Contessa Schexnayder / May 21, 2010

Girl Talk: I Sabotaged A Great Relationship To Have A Drink With An Ex

The evening started out harmless enough. My self-sabotage was not premeditated—more like a white lie that got carried away. I was on my way to class to take a test I hadn’t studied for, and I realized I just couldn’t do it. On a whim, I decided to ditch. I needed a drink, stat. I…

Contessa Schexnayder / May 18, 2010

Girl Talk: I Won’t Be Another Notch On His Bedpost

It’s 12:30 a.m. on a Saturday night, and Matt—who you may remember as the guy who slept with 150 woman, but wouldn’t sleep with me—asks me back to his house to watch a movie. Although we’re not officially together, he’s become my non-boyfriend—we see each other at least twice a week. Dinner was lovely and…

Contessa Schexnayder / May 12, 2010

Girl Talk: My First Attempt At Casual Sex

I always change after I’ve slept with someone. It’s a subtle metamorphosis, but one I can count on—after sex, I feel emotionally attached. Even if the sex was boring, or painful, or just plain eh, afterward I always start to picture myself in a relationship with the person—sitting on the couch watching a movie, walking…

Contessa Schexnayder / March 18, 2010

Girl Talk: Why I Got A Non-Invasive Boob Job

Vanity is something that plagues women—all of us have fallen prey to the aesthetic monster at some point. When I first saw pop tart Heidi Montag unveil her shiny new body and face after getting 10 cosmetic procedures in one day, I thought, “WTF? She didn’t need any work done—she was 23 and beautiful.” But…

Contessa Schexnayder / February 26, 2010

Girl Talk: He’s Slept With 150 Women But Won’t Have Sex With Me

He does not want to sleep with me. It’s been three weeks and nothing. Not just nothing—I mean the complete absence of sexuality in an awkward, platonic way. We go out to dinner several nights a week and we kiss, hug, and hold hands in public. I’ve met most of his friends at this point…

Contessa Schexnayder / January 13, 2010

Girl Talk: My Boyfriend’s Parents Were Racist

“My parents are racist,” my Filipino boyfriend Edward said, sounding defeated.
My heart made a sudden jolt and then quieted down in my chest. I knew there was something off about this man. Our six-month relationship had been bliss—he was funny, whip smart, and, well, perfect. His quips matched mine and what he lacked i…

Contessa Schexnayder / November 10, 2009